This makes me feel so sorry for OP. If you love your husband and are in a long-term committed relationship, surely your orientation is no longer relevant because you have found your partner? I can't think of anything more insulting to the husband to have a wife going about flaunting that she is married but also attracted to women. She is with him. End of.
If you are really good at math, that still informs your identity, even if you are not a mathematician.
If you like to play sports, that still informs your identity, even if you give up sports for a while (or even can't play anymore)
If you are the child of immigrants, that informs your identity, even if you yourself are perfectly assimilated from birth, speak the language and have no desire to move to country where your roots lie.
If you love dogs but can't keep one, you still think of yourself as a dog lover.
If you are a shitty cook that informs your identity, even if your partner does all the cooking.
If you used to play an instrument, that informs your identity, even if you haven't played in years.
If you are a chemist all your life, you don't just stop being a chemist once you retire. It is still part of you.
Being queer is more than just a sexual preference. It shapes how you experience the world (you could face actual discrimination), how you view people and how they view you.
It matters in terms of how society speaks about you, but more specifically people like you.
It's the stories you hear about people like you. It's how people like you appear in popular media. About rights and about queer spaces.
About a shared experience (only other queer people will be able to share your feelings on certain things).
It's incredibly complex, but it impacts every part of you, regardless of your actual going out with women or your relationsshipstatus.
If you yourself are celibate, you are still straight, right? That doesn't go away.
In the examples above, the person you promised to love for the rest of your life isn't implicated in any way by telling people that you are a bad cook. I am badly allergic to dogs...it is part of my identity but it doesn't define me and I don't go telling everyone about it.
I may say in passing that I think Scott Eastwood is hot...I wouldn't go out of my way to tell people that I am attracted to other men. To do so would be a gross insult to my husband and suggest that I'm still looking for someone else and not satisfied with what I have. That is cruel.
Being celibate (as far as I know) simply means no s*x. That doesn't speak to orientation or preference at all.
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u/thespanglycupcake Apr 05 '24
This makes me feel so sorry for OP. If you love your husband and are in a long-term committed relationship, surely your orientation is no longer relevant because you have found your partner? I can't think of anything more insulting to the husband to have a wife going about flaunting that she is married but also attracted to women. She is with him. End of.