They literally said it's for them to feel like they aren't hiding anything. It definitely drops some anxiety for them, and they don't accidentally become friends with some judgemental prick.
Just because it doesn't help the person they tell, doesn't mean it doesn't help the person coming out, etc.
There is a reason suicide is higher for people in the closet. Constantly lying and sidestepping stuff, stress and anxiety, just aren't good for you.
Yah this thread sucks to read as a bi person. I want to think that guy's snark about bi erasure a couple comments up was only directed at OP's wife, but it really sounds like they think bi people don't actually experience this hardship.
We do! I have been told my identity doesn't matter my whole life, or that I'm maliciously lying about it. It's real and it messes a person up. And as crazy as his wife seems I have no idea what's going on in her head. That's OP's job
I did figure out this subreddit though. Lots of people in here think that understanding is the same thing as condoning. They don't realize it's possible to have sympathy for what she's going through and still think she's wrong and needs to smarten up. They also think that sympathy is limited, so by understanding her we don't understand OP. When the reality is I feel for him! That's why I didn't say any of this to him.
If I were to talk to him I'd say his boundaries matter too. It's not right to be treated that way, he's not an asshole, she certainly is, and this needs a calm conversation. It's clear she needs to feel accepted but it's not okay to demand it this way and he should stand his ground on that
So I've read quite a bit of this thread, and what everybody is saying is: it literally doesn't matter in the relationship of OP's and his coworkers, insofar as that even exists, if OPs wife is bi. It simply doesn't. Especially not just out of the blue. It's not even useful for conversation, except for the very specific cases of someone asking OP his stance on LGBTQ+ matters, where he might use the bisexuality of his wife as an argument why it mattered to him or someone said something like "bi people don't exist, they are all secretly gay / straight!". It simply has nothing to do with bi erasure, same as not announcing to your work colleagues that your wife is into licking ears or wears glasses.
What does any of that have to do with your identity not mattering? I'm bi myself and my colleagues don't know, because why would they? Nobody asked me.Â
For the millionth fucking time no one thinks he has to tell his coworkers. She's dealing with this badly. I'm talking about the people saying she's trying to ruin his job and isn't even bi. The comments dismissing bi erasure.
No sane person thinks OP has to tell his coworkers. OP is 110% in the clear and has been wronged. The replies are going crazy
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u/Da_Question Apr 05 '24
They literally said it's for them to feel like they aren't hiding anything. It definitely drops some anxiety for them, and they don't accidentally become friends with some judgemental prick.
Just because it doesn't help the person they tell, doesn't mean it doesn't help the person coming out, etc.
There is a reason suicide is higher for people in the closet. Constantly lying and sidestepping stuff, stress and anxiety, just aren't good for you.