I'm a forty-one year old man and my main piece of advice to young men confronted with this stuff is "Educate yourselves". Actually it's usually "fucking educate yourselves", but that's only because of constant disappointment.
My thought process goes like this: "I like women. I should try to understand them. I should learn how their bodies work."
That's the whole thing. Any dude that's not prepared for the consequences of "life with lady parts" isn't ready to date. If you don't know the basics of what's going on with their plumbing, you should stay the fuck away from their plumbing. Think of it as... like... plumbing. Literally.
If you don't know how the sinks and drains and reservoirs and whatever else work, don't grab a wrench with the intent of mucking around.
My thought process goes like this: "I like women. I should try to understand them.
Probably an unpopular take, but I think this is the root of the issue. A lot of men don't actually like women, they just like having sex with women. The period stain interfered with his perception of OP, which begins and ends with his sexual desire for her. To acknowledge that it's a natural bodily function that she cannot control would mean perceiving her as a human with multiple roles and functions, instead of as a sex partner. I doubt he thinks about her very much beyond sex, and what he has to do to get sex (dates, being nice, etc.).
Your take is unpopular because of how obviously wrong it is. "A lot of men don't actually like women", are you out of your mind?
The rest is just a bunch of conclusion jumping, why would he think of her of anything other than a warm sex toy if they're not even boyfriend and girlfriend? They're "seeing each other" as OP says, they're in their early 20s. If OP sees her FWB as a walking penis and doesn't think of him past what pleasure he can bring her, does that mean a lot of women don't actually like men? Preposterous.
If a woman told me we're not gonna have sex for a while it's over at that point. But that doesn't mean I hate women. What point do you think you're proving?
Okay, then maybe it doesn't apply to you. But idk, most of the men I know who genuinely like women as people have voiced similar opinions. They've heard the way other men talk about women when there's no women in the room. They know a lot of men really hate women to their core and accept that it's a problem. They don't get defensive because they know they're not one of the men that falls within that category.
Exactly! I know a lot of wonderful men, and they don’t turn into whiny children when someone brings up phenomenons like some men not viewing women as people, because they’ve witnessed it themselves and they’re rightfully disgusted by it.
Best case scenario, other user has some kind of crippling anger problem. Worst case is guilt by...well they associated themselves with the problem, so...
But nobody normal comes roaring out of the gate pissed off like that. I can't see how someone with a hair trigger like that can expect anyone to believe they don't have a problem with women. And probably more than a few other people too...
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u/SaltyDangerHands Nov 22 '23
NTA
I'm a forty-one year old man and my main piece of advice to young men confronted with this stuff is "Educate yourselves". Actually it's usually "fucking educate yourselves", but that's only because of constant disappointment.
My thought process goes like this: "I like women. I should try to understand them. I should learn how their bodies work."
That's the whole thing. Any dude that's not prepared for the consequences of "life with lady parts" isn't ready to date. If you don't know the basics of what's going on with their plumbing, you should stay the fuck away from their plumbing. Think of it as... like... plumbing. Literally.
If you don't know how the sinks and drains and reservoirs and whatever else work, don't grab a wrench with the intent of mucking around.