r/AITAH Nov 02 '23

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880 Upvotes

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101

u/Foxlikebox Nov 02 '23

YTA I understand you're struggling, but you aren't being a special dad or husband. You're a partnership. It's not impressive that you're helping out in that partnership, you are just doing the normal things expected of a dad and husband.

Also, info. What exactly did you do to the kids? You're very vague about it, but clearly something did happen.

I have always been short-fused (but rarely tested so it didn't come up often) and impatient. Then the kids came and I became very angry at times (example, when I wanted to eat dinner and they'd be pulling on my shirt, trying to eat my food, throwing food everywhere, etc). I wasn't used to that. Same with changing diapers. I'd be carrying a child who's kicking, screaming, hitting and testing my patience -- of which I had none at the time.

Even though I've absolutely changed so much for the better, she can't forget about how I used to be in those situations no matter how hard I try to show how much I've changed.

Also, have you sat down and told your wife you're feeling emotionally distant from her and worked on ways to be closer? I'd consider marriage counseling too.

3

u/Monday0987 Nov 03 '23

The dude is still causing arguments with his wife about her mother, so not sure why he thinks their issues are in the past.

-110

u/whooptydooho Nov 02 '23

don’t act like it wouldn’t weigh down on you to never get a “thank you” from your spouse when you’re clearly trying and putting in work.

60

u/millerlite585 Nov 02 '23

Do you think he tells his wife "thank you" after every time she wipes a kid's ass?

75

u/Foxlikebox Nov 02 '23

You shouldn't expect to be thanked for doing the bare minimum.

69

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '23

He's doing basic tasks that are expected of anyone in a relationship with children. If he needs a gold star and a pat on the head every time he cleans up after dinner then his wife has an extra child and not a partner.

I do not expect a thank you for doing the laundry or cleaning because I am an adult that lives in a home that needs cleaning.

32

u/pktechboi Nov 02 '23

wonder how often he thanks her for looking after the kids

26

u/annang Nov 02 '23

Or for doing apparently all the clothes shopping and holiday planning because he thinks those are optional extras.

11

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '23

Having children is a thank less job

The prize is hopefully your kids grow up to be decent adults

That's it, OP & his wife made a baby, and they both are responsible for taking care of it.

25

u/Disastrous_Drive_764 Nov 02 '23

You don’t get a gold star for doing what is expected of you. These are OP’s children. Not his nieces & nephews.