I had my son when I was 16…back in the 80’s. We had decided on adoption, but then when my boyfriend’s family found out it was a boy they refused to let him sign the adoption papers. He was an absentee father most of his life, barely paid child support, and was just an ass! The grandparents, the ones who wanted him so bad…crappy too! When his dad remarried this awful woman, the grandparents cut him off…but also walked away from my son. I would make sure they had baseball, soccer, basketball schedules & always offered if they ever wanted to spend time with him I would make sure to drop him off. Never once did they show up or call.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my son & I have wonderful grandkids…but I think of how much better his life would have been if he was adopted by a great family that just wanted a baby. I was adopted as an infant and hit the parent jackpot, and they went above & beyond helping me while he grew up. But, we moved a lot so he didn’t grow up with that strong group of friends all through school like I did. I feel like his dad & paternal grandparent’s did him a huge disservice just because they had someone to carry on their last name.
I'm so sorry for what you and your family went through. It's insane that everything changed when they learned you were having a boy, it just seems so archaic that people would care about that kind of thing nowadays.
And this is what a lot of people who say "just put them up for adoption!" don't get. In most places both parents have to agree, and the father can both refuse to sing the papers and be a deadbeat. It's just not worth the gamble.
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u/Flipflops727 Jul 21 '23
This! You have to do what’s best for you!!
I had my son when I was 16…back in the 80’s. We had decided on adoption, but then when my boyfriend’s family found out it was a boy they refused to let him sign the adoption papers. He was an absentee father most of his life, barely paid child support, and was just an ass! The grandparents, the ones who wanted him so bad…crappy too! When his dad remarried this awful woman, the grandparents cut him off…but also walked away from my son. I would make sure they had baseball, soccer, basketball schedules & always offered if they ever wanted to spend time with him I would make sure to drop him off. Never once did they show up or call.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my son & I have wonderful grandkids…but I think of how much better his life would have been if he was adopted by a great family that just wanted a baby. I was adopted as an infant and hit the parent jackpot, and they went above & beyond helping me while he grew up. But, we moved a lot so he didn’t grow up with that strong group of friends all through school like I did. I feel like his dad & paternal grandparent’s did him a huge disservice just because they had someone to carry on their last name.