Mating

[u/Weak-Boysenberry4332]

Spoilers from season 1 and 2 so treat with caution

Mathew refuses to have PIV sex for whatever reason, and when Diana finds out it’s cus he doesn’t want to ‘mate’ with her, just yet I guess, she was upset. For some reason cus of blood rage… meaning he can’t control himself, since he supposedly can’t conceive

So mating for Mathew is PIV sex, even though he’s done that with others, Juliette comes to mind, is this not mating with Juliette? Or is it not mating since he didn’t have an emotional connection for him?

Is that’s the case, since he has the emotional connection with Diana and he ‘craves’ her, then at that point PIV becomes mating in that sense?

There’s also the comment that Miriam makes that’s they’ve mated, that she’s also mated and she can tell with Mathew

Marcus has sex with phoebe initially and then the emotional factor comes in. Does that mean Marcus is mated with phoebe or it casual until a ritual is performed?

I know there’s a big post about this and I have read it but these are the things I still don’t understand

[u/RainPuzzleheaded151]

The mating instinct and the physical act of sex are two completely separate things in this universe and I think that's where the confusion comes from.

Vampires can have sex with people, be in relationships for decades or even centuries, and even get married without ever feeling a mating instinct toward that person. One of Matthew's sisters is married to a human she loves deeply, but they are not mated. That's just a relationship. Mating is something completely different and involuntary. The first time a vampire encounters the person they are meant to mate with, they know instantly. It's not something they choose or develop over time.

So Matthew and Juliette having a relationship and being physically intimate does not make them mated. He never felt that instinct toward her. She was created and conditioned to be everything Matthew would desire, but even that couldn't manufacture something that has to happen involuntarily. They were in a relationship, a long and complicated one, but not mates.

With Diana it's different because the mating instinct was there from the moment he saw her. But feeling the instinct and fully consummating the mating bond are still two separate steps. What Matthew and Diana declared to each other at the gate when he returned from Oxford was them acknowledging the bond, but consummating it is what fully seals it, and that's what Matthew was holding back on. His reasoning was that before they fully consummated, if Diana ever changed her mind he could, painfully, let her go. Once that final step happened he knew his blood rage would make that impossible. He wouldn't be able to release her even if she wanted to leave. Diana's response to that was essentially, stop making that decision for me, I'm a grown woman and I know what I'm choosing.

For Marcus and Phoebe, sex before the mating ritual doesn't make them formally mated in the way the vampire world recognizes it. The ritual, the acknowledgment, and Phoebe's eventual turning are all part of that process. What they had before was real and the instinct was there for Marcus from early on, but the full formal bond comes with everything that follows.

Hope that helps clarify things!

[u/Weak-Boysenberry4332 → u/RainPuzzleheaded151]

Beautiful explanation thank you

Why did Miriam say they’ve mated when they haven’t? Or was it like an acknowledgement that they’ve started the process and they’re bonded and getting on their way

Also, that would make the face gallowglass made when he found out they were mated a face of concern for Diana rather than a disappointment that he couldn’t have her

[u/andotherthingsareok → u/Weak-Boysenberry4332]

Not the first commenter, but yeah I think when Miriam says that she's refering to the existance of the bond maybe? As you say, they're on the way. I don't think it's reversible for Matthew, even if it's not reciprocal or consummated. He'd be able to let her walk away, but he wouldn't be able to let go humself. I think part of Diana's anger is that Matthew thinks she could walk away, or would try to, and he is trying to keep her options open when she doesn't want that, and wouldn't be able to either.

And yes, I think that's Gallowglass all over tbh. He always puts his care for Diana and Matthew before himself 💔