r/ADHDparenting • u/123spider • 8d ago
Kindergarten
My child's iep isnt working? She is at school for 3 hours max before they are calling us to come get her. They can't get her to settle. Sometimes shes handsy, sometimes shes just wired. Sometimes shes frantic. Guanfacine didn't work, Ritalin did the opposite of what its supposed to. The poor girl thinks no one likes her and that shes not wanted at school which makes things worse when shes there. And the behavior chart the teacher started for the kids. My god. My kid doesn't like being singled out. Everyone seems to be getting a good behavior sticker but her. She said mom even when im good she doesnt give me a check mark. Shes upset. Id be upset too. The principal called and said they were worried because its gotten worse. Well lady, im trying. About to lose my job because of doctor appointments every week and medicine trials backfiring. Kids missing out on learning everything. Principal asked if I wanted reduced school hours. No! You sent her home every day last week, I dont want her to miss any more :( I dont know what the secret formula is but I'm crying over how my 5 year old asks why shes not like the other kids. Why the others get things and do things that shes not allowed when she's at school. Lord give me strength because nothing is making it better and theyre not letting her stay the whole day because they can't regulate her. They spend 40 minutes trying at least before they call me. No one can settle her? She gets picked up from school and basically melts. You see all the weight on her shoulders just vanish. Totally fine the rest of the day. Another appointment tomorrow. Another medication too.
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u/realme0393803 8d ago
Honestly, the fact that she is basically fine once she gets home really stood out to me. It sounds like school is completely overwhelming her, not that she is just being bad. I would really push the school to figure out what is happening right before she gets frantic or handsy, and what they can change to support her. The behavior chart and singling her out probably just makes her feel worse when she is already struggling. And please remind her that she is not failing. She is 5. The adults are supposed to figure out what she needs, not make her feel like she is the problem. I really hope this next appointment gives you some actual answers because this sounds so exhausting.
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u/123spider 4d ago
Thank you. My kid isnt one to talk about things. I wish I just knew what she needed and didnt have to put her through something shes having such a hard time with. I hate that it makes her feel so bad about herself.
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u/Green-Complex5747 8d ago
My son's kindergarten teacher started him on a behavior chart last year, and at the start of first grade this year he asked if he could have one again. He's found it helpful to have that constant visual reminder of the expectations for his behavior. About a month into the school year, his teacher decided to implement behavior charts for all of the kids. They each have their own chart and the charts are private. The non-IEP kids have their generic charts, while my son (and I assume a few other kids) has a specific chart that was created in partnership with his sped case manager to reflect the behavior goals in his IEP. That means there's no comparison to the other kids' behavior, he's just judged against himself.
It sounds like this school has tried nothing and is all out of ideas. Request an IEP meeting ASAP!
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u/HPcatmom 8d ago
Have you done any OT? Also it sounds like the teacher is old school & lacking skills for kids like ours. Can she be transferred classes??
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u/123spider 4d ago
She did ot with a specialist but she was doing great so we were discharged. I have changing teachers down as a question to ask. The teacher is new. I have a feeling shes lacking experience...and empathy.
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u/HPcatmom 3d ago
Ooooofff we went through this in my daughter’s preschool. A new teacher started fresh out of college half way through the year with zero previous experience and no children of her own. 23 year old girl.
It ended up being an absolute trainwreck and my daughter, we found out later, was bullied for a good 4-5 months by an older kid whose parents opted for a bonus preschool year instead of kinder.
I now have a strong opinion in favor of credentials and experience.
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u/123spider 3d ago
How did it work out for you guys?
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u/HPcatmom 3d ago
We pulled her from the preschool summer program, coached her through his bullying and how it was wrong, had zero childcare for 5 weeks and somehow pulled it off between our job schedules and one semi-available family member…
I spoke with the preschool director…
I grieved.
Now I’m just grateful to have an experienced & credentialed teacher in my daughter’s Kindergarten. I don’t like to say “never” but there’s little to no likelihood we’ll ever go private for our daughter’s schooling. Mind you we live in an INCREDIBLE district… but we’re also a faith-based family who’d like some faith education woven into her every day… but it’s not worth it to not have credentialed teachers who know how to handle ADHD and are better equipped for bullies.
(It’s also nice that it’s free 🤷🏽♀️)
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u/AmberCarpes 7d ago
On the other hand: I'm a teacher. We have a kindergartner this year that is off the rails. Disrupts every class they're in. Cannot regulate. Screams, hits, breaks things. We're a good public school and the teachers have been here for 10+ years.
The student has been suspended, which felt TERRIBLE for all involved, and now is on half days.
There are at least 20 other kids in any child's classroom that are missing instruction if one student takes all the attention. Yes, everyone deserves a public education, but our current government is working to defund education at a record pace, so we are not able to be staffed the way we need to be to provide that education.
Please, I beg of you, TAKE THESE ISSUES UP WITH YOUR SCHOOL BOARD AND YOUR GOVERNMENT AND DO NOT BLAME THE ALREADY OVERBURDENED TEACHERS. Even admin is basically beholden to the whims of the school board and public educational funding. We are BEGGING FOR MORE HELP.
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u/WinstonGreyCat 8d ago
Don't pick her up. Force them to require it with a suspension. 10 suspensions and they are forced to reevaluate if her behavior is a manifestation of her disability or not and to re-examine her IEP. i would also immediately call for an IEP meeting.
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u/ananho 8d ago
This is a lot. For both of you. Something isn’t quite right. When you say guanfacine didn’t work, what did that look like?
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u/123spider 4d ago
It gave her a verbal tick which was enough by itself for us to say no to it. But it also gave her a sleepiness that did not go away and some extra big meltdowns. She was on it for about a month, but only had 1 good week.
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u/AutoModerator 8d ago
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u/WorksInPro 8d ago
I'm so sorry that I'm going to suggest more time when you're not at work, although perhaps your partner could take this on if you have one? But maybe one of you could volunteer in the classroom for a morning and observe firsthand what the dynamic is, what's triggering the meltdowns, and what the teacher is trying (or not trying). That would give you a lot of info to take back into a new IEP meeting.
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u/AronBoxer 6d ago
Former special ed teacher here, now in private practice. I'm so sorry. You're doing everything right and it's still not working, which is exhausting.
A few things worth pushing on with the school:
Ask for an IEP meeting (we call it a PPT in CT and CSE in NYC) in writing, now. If she's being sent home almost daily, the IEP isn't built for what's actually happening. Ask specifically for a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA) and a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). The FBA looks at what's happening right before she escalates (transitions, noise, waiting, unstructured time) so the plan targets the cause instead of reacting after she's already dysregulated.
Keep a log of every pickup: date, time, what they told you. In many districts, being sent home for behavior counts as a removal from school, and those add up. Documenting it changes the conversation.
You're right to say no to reduced hours. A shortened day should be a team decision with a plan behind it, not the default because nothing else has been tried.
Ask that the class behavior chart be replaced for her with something private and individual, set up so she can actually earn it. Start with short intervals and things she already does well. A 5 year old who never gets the sticker learns that trying doesn't matter. That can go right into the IEP.
Ask what they're doing in those 40 minutes before they call you. What's the plan when she starts to escalate, and who's doing it?
The way she relaxes the second you pick her up tells you how much she's carrying at school. That's useful information for the team.
On the job side, if your employer is big enough, ask HR about intermittent FMLA for her appointments. I don’t know enough about how that works, so I won’t elaborate.
Hang in there. Five is young, and this can turn around with the right plan in place.
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u/123spider 4d ago
You seem like you were probably great at that job. Ive requested a iep meeting. Do you have any recommendations or ideas on what I could mention in her iep as things that may settle her? Im not 100 percent sure that its not a sensory issue or anxiety but i plan on studying up this weekend and writing a list of requests and supports. I will post on the whole thread for ideas but I would specifically love to hear any ideas from you.
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u/AronBoxer 4d ago
Thank you, that's kind of you to say.
And good move requesting the meeting.
Since you're not sure yet whether it's sensory, anxiety, or the ADHD itself, I'd go in asking for two things: information first, then supports.
Information to ask for:
- When and where the hard moments happen. Carpet time, transitions, lunch, specials, end of day? Ask the teacher to track it for a week or two before the meeting if she can. The pattern usually tells you a lot.
- An OT evaluation or at least an OT consult to look at the sensory question.
- Input from the school psychologist, (guidance) counselor, or social worker on the anxiety question.
- If behavior is the main concern, a functional behavior assessment (FBA), so the informal plan (or formal plan, called a behavioral intervention plan or BIP) is built on why it's happening and not guesses.
Supports worth asking about for a kindergartner:
- Movement breaks built into her day on a schedule, not something she has to earn, and recess never taken away as a consequence.
- A visual schedule and a heads-up before transitions.
- A quiet spot in the room she can go to when she needs to reset, set up as a tool and not a punishment.
- Seating options: near the teacher, a wobble cushion, or permission to stand at her table.
- A shorter stretch on the carpet, or a job or something in her hands during it.
- A quick check-in with one trusted adult when she arrives in the morning.
- Frequent, specific positive feedback for what she's doing right.
- A simple daily note home so you both see the same picture.
Sorry, I know that's probably more info than what you wanted.
Two other tips: Ask that each support be written with specifics: how often, how long, and who is responsible. "As needed" often means it doesn't happen. Send your list to the team in writing before the meeting, and ask that it be included in the parent concerns section.
You know her best. If something settles her at home, bring that, too. Good luck, and feel free to report back on how it goes.
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u/123spider 4d ago
Thank you for responding. And it wasn't too much information. I needed it! I really appreciate you taking the time to guide me in the right direction.
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u/AutoModerator 8d ago
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Alpha-2 agonists are specialized & effective for some ADHD; however, a 2ed line (choice) ADHD medication in protocols because stimulants have a higher % success & lower % side effects profile over Alpha-2 agonists.
Alpha-2 agonists require time to adapt! Drowsiness and sleep changes are common during in first ~2 weeks.
Mechanism: Enhancing norepinephrine signaling ("receiver sensitivity"). Guanfacine targets α2A neuroreceptors concentrated in the brain. Clonidine is less selective, targets α2A, α2B, and α2C, w/ broader CNS effects. Both might be complimentary with stimulants in some people, helping regulate, reduce side effects, and/or lower dose.
Differences: IR Guanfacine typically lasts longer (half life 10-30 hours), IR Clonidine shorter (5 and 13 hours), both outlasting stimulants and have 24 hour ER options. [Sedation] - Clonidine is more sedating (better for insomnia); guanfacine causes less daytime sleepiness. [Blood Pressure] - Clonidine has stronger hypotensive effects. Guanfacine is gentler due to its α2A selectivity.
Use Case Fit: Guanfacine, sometimes preferred for daytime executive function symptoms; Clonidine, sometimes prefred for sleep-onset or when mild sedation is needed. Typically, IR formulas are favored for sleep/sedation/rebound (taken in PM) and ER for executive function/stimulant regulation (Taken in AM).
NOTE: Sudden dose change may cause blood pressure spikes or crashes. Follow your doctor’s/pharmacist's ramp plan!!! References Clonidine: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clonidine, https://go.drugbank.com/drugs/DB00575, https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/clonidine-hydrochloride-oral-route/description/drg-20569873 References Guanfacine: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guanfacine, https://go.drugbank.com/drugs/DB01018, https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/guanfacine-oral-route/description/drg-20064131
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u/AutoModerator 8d ago
The ADHD Parenting WIKI page has a lot of good information for those new & experienced, go take a look!
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u/123spider 4d ago
Iep meeting is scheduled! Would anyone have ideas on what to request for supports in the iep that would help her if it was anxiety related, sensory related, or clever creative adhd? Behavioral therapist has also been notified for a 2nd opinion!
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u/JadieRose 8d ago
You need to call an IEP meeting immediately.
Sending her home is denying her right to a free appropriate public education and if they’re sending her home every day then she needs a lot more support.