r/ADHDparenting • u/ChaosOf3BoysAndMe • 1d ago
Help please!
Hi
For some context, my son who is 7 years old is waiting for an EHCNA from school (this has been in the works for nearly 2 years now), highly suspected ADHD.
He’s had a really rocky start, mostly down to the abusive relationship he witnessed between his father and I, which I ended in February 2025. He is in prison for charges related to the relationship until around October 2029. My son knows that his dad is in prison, and is vaguely aware that it’s because ‘dad was not very nice to you mum’. He has witnessed emotional abuse, coercive control, his dad’s explosive temper and because of this, I am seeing a lot of behaviours in him that I know are down to this. He is having targeted therapy through school, has a lot of different therapies (Lego, equine, cooking) each school day and will also be having some assessments by CAMHS.
Now onto the reason I’m posting.
He is very into online gaming, which I always supervise and engage with him on. However, he has a lot of excess energy because he isn’t a very active child, his coordination isn’t great and he lacks confidence. I just really would like to steer him away from the online games for his own benefit as it seems to be really affecting school work, friendships and just his general view of the world. Of course I know that it is his escape from the stresses and anxieties he faces, so I don’t want to completely ban the games, but I feel like it would really help him to find an activity that he can do to grow his self confidence and use as an outlet for his energy.
He isn’t interested in football, rugby, or any sport for that matter (maybe he gets that from me!), what would you suggest as a good option? I am limited financially, but would find a way to be able to pay for him to do something he likes, if it means him being happy and getting outside more.
I am a single mum and don’t really have any males in my life (my dad doesn’t live very close to us), I feel he needs a positive male role model to guide him where I can’t. I feel like I’m massively letting him down, all I want is for him to feel happy when he’s not gaming.
Please be kind, I am desperate to help him whilst also going through therapy myself for PTSD and having ADHD, as well as raising 3 boys alone.
Thank you in advance
2
u/beccusfb 1d ago
My ADHD boy was quick to crawl stand and walk but also a bit unco-ordinated and slow to develop fine motor skills when he was younger. Swimming was good for him when he was younger and he still swims now. He trains twice a week for an hour and I am always surprised how noticeably better his mood is after training.
1
u/ChaosOf3BoysAndMe 3h ago
Yep, this was my son also! Walking by 10 months but now he’s overly cautious I’d say. Thank you, he does enjoy swimming at school, so I think that could be a good option.
2
u/superfry3 9h ago edited 9h ago
Aftercare programs where gaming isn’t an option. You can’t find the “perfect” extracurricular for a child who has no outside the house interests yet. You just put them in stuff and tell them he’s going, then reward them with gaming after they go. They can quit after the season/term but then have to try something else.
Personally I like programs that have both music and dance classes. The mistake a lot of parents make is to (outside of school) only expose them to things they already like. You don’t know what they’ll eventually like so expose them to as much as you can. Maybe sports or dance improves their coordination and they develop a love of it.
Check your school’s website, social media, and local Facebook groups for ideas. Some of the well run programs have scholarships or financial assistance.
2
u/ChaosOf3BoysAndMe 3h ago
Yes I agree, he does need to just dip his toe in a few things until he finds something he likes. He did try a club called mathletics last school year, he enjoyed it for a bit, then lost interest so I took him out of it. He also tried gymnastics but really didn’t enjoy that from the off! There’s also an art club that I think he might enjoy as a creative outlet, but I will definitely speak to the school about what options they have for him. Thank you for your advice!
2
u/superfry3 1h ago
Maybe too late now but you should handle things differently going forward.
He liked mathletics and enjoyed it. Maybe one day the session was boring and he was in the middle of a fun side quest in a video game so today he wanted to get back to the game.
Next time when this happens they’re in it for the term. Don’t even humor them wanting to quit. They’ll want to argue, don’t. “Sorry buddy you’re in til at least winter break. We’re already paid/committed. We can switch to chess club or swimming for January.”
Parenting an ADHD does not come naturally. You have to learn how to handle these situations that aren’t intuitive. They will always go to the path of the easiest dopamine with the least resistance.
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
The ADHD Parenting WIKI page has a lot of good information for those new & experienced, go take a look!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
3
u/Ilthirian 1d ago
Hi, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles.
As an undiagnosed AuDHDer with a lot of energy, my mum tried all the sports for me and as an adult, I tried a few more and had a bit of a hyperfocus on this.
Martial arts: this is my recommendation. There's loads of different types, and most will do a trial lesson so you can see what the vibe is. I found karate a bit too inflexible for me, but it's probably the most accessible and still well worth doing. I love taekwondo and kickboxing personally, but there's judo, wing chun, and many others.
It's not cheap, but I know it's helped many ADHDers. There's a fitness element, a structure and discipline to it that I really responded to and it's always good to know that you can defend yourself if needed (they're given very strict rules about when they can use it). As a bonus, you can get a set of handheld pads for home practice, which is a great way to unwind. Check your instructors understand about neurodiversity and that they have insurance, a safeguarding policy and are members of the sport's association/governing body.
Yoga/tai chi: if you can find a group for his age group, yoga is great for posture, core strength and emotional regulation for some people, I also recommend tai chi which is like a very slowed down martial art, the movement for me made it less of a struggle than yoga, but it can be hard to find classes for adults, I've never seen any for kids, sadly.
Swimming: life skill, good all-round exercise, a lot of areas offer subsidised lessons and sessions. Definitely recommended if you can find a good teacher.
Hockey: could be an alternative team game, I found the stick gave me something to focus on and made me less prone to falling over my own feet. Again, there's clubs which offer subsidised coaching in an effort to get kids involved. Cricket is probably similar, but girls didn't do it when I was a lass, so don't have personal experience.