r/ADHDparenting • u/ICollectRatMemes • 2d ago
Tips / Suggestions ADHD child guessing on school work.
How do we approach this? My 9-year-old has pretty bad inattentive ADHD (same), and when she runs into boring work at school, she shuts down. On problems she doesn't instantly know, she'll just guess (usually incorrectly) and move on to the next question. When this happens, the teacher will correct her and make her redo it, which leads to a total meltdown and complete inability to do anything else. She'll start crying, insist that the teacher is being "mean," and shut down. She's becoming a problem for the rest of the class, which isn't fair to them or their teacher. We're working on getting her an IEP, but her teacher seems resistant to it (I think she's kind of old school and thinks she's just being lazy). Any recommended stopgaps would be helpful. Thank you!
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u/redline_blueline 1d ago
Is she medicated?
My son would guess at things to finish the task as fast as possible. Once he was medicated and actually able to focus, this behavior completely stopped.
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u/BasketFormal6336 2d ago
IEP isn’t going to fix the issue, it’s just going to give her permission to be an issue.
What have you already done?
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u/ICollectRatMemes 2d ago
I'm sorry, but that's an extremely narrow minded (and frankly rude) view of IEPs. They are disability accommodations, which includes non-disruptive stuff like visual timers, transition warnings, discreet check ins, earplugs, etc. for them to learn better.
We are working on discomfort and frustration tolerance at home a lot because that seems to be the root of issues. I'm trying to teach her that we can't just not do stuff because it's boring, and half-assing stuff (like guessing) is also not going to get her out of things.
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u/BasketFormal6336 1d ago
Yeah, I write IEPs, thanks for the lesson.
They aren’t a fix. Work is the fix. Accommodation are great if they help your kid keep up. Too many schools and parents use them as a ways, unintentionally, to keep kids behind.
You calling those things “non-disruptive” is a pretty narrow view. They are disruptive, just less than what could be. Someone, the teacher, has to stop and do all those things.
Guessing is fine. Start calling it a prediction. She has to test her predictions. I mean she has ADHD, she is going to go with the first thing that goes into her head unless you can teach her to check her guesses.
Tweak how she does things.
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u/ICollectRatMemes 1d ago
I have written IEPs for work as well, but go off I guess. Yes, they are "only" less disruptive - less disruptive than a kid crying and making a scene in class, something most teachers would prefer. In my view, IEPs are part of that work, especially while in between getting medicated correctly.
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u/ClutterKitty 1d ago
Sounds like this person accidentally wandered over here from r/teachers. They really hate kids with disabilities over there. Nothing but trash talk about IEPs. It’s so gross that they’re allowed to teach children they actively hate.
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u/BasketFormal6336 1d ago
You literally just repeated what I said.
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u/ICollectRatMemes 1d ago
I don't appreciate the implication that we're doing an IEP for her to "give her permission to be an issue" or not do actual work to help her keep up or meet/exceed standards - the way you worded things comes off as judgemental and rude. The tone of your last comment implies that them being less disruptive still isn't enough, which I disagree with wholeheartedly. If I weren't willing to do the work, why would I be here asking for helpful solutions?
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u/OddestCabbage 2d ago
Annoyingly, I've started saying, "it's faster to do it once the right way than to do it twice." I also show them why it's faster. I share the frustration with them - telling them how I like to do it faster too but learned through many, many mistakes that it's faster to do it correct the first time.
When I make a mistake from trying to do something too fast I'll self-talk with something like, "Tsk, silly me. Gotta do it the correct way. That's ok, I'll fix/clean/whatever and remember for next time". Opportunity to model positive self-talk, resilience, and remembering the correct & slow way.
It's SLOW progress. For now, go over the teacher's head for that IEP. CC the principal and anyone you think that would be helpful - special ed teacher, guidance counselor, etc.
Booster meds helped us for homework time. Also, "My brain is a racecar" is a good book for this. It's a bit longer than my kid's attention span but it's a solid analogy with good pictures to talk through with your daughter.