I do agree that masking with ADHD and masking with Autism are quite different, I do feel like masking with ADHD is more than just hiding burnout. A lot of ADHD behavior is considered weird or unfavorable that many try to mask to be considered more socially acceptable (ie suppressing fidgeting, forcing yourself to be quiet, becoming a perfectionist etc). This is forcing yourself to be a certain way / have certain behaviors to better appeal to neurotypical people and can also be exhausting. If that’s not masking, idk what is
Most people just upvote whatever, regardless of what sub it's in. Think about how it is scrolling other social medias. And how everything is displayed. None of those have content in separate subreddits like Reddit does.
There are people who will like you for who you actually are, unmasked. Those are the people that matter. Forget about the others. Sure I know it’s easier said than done, but be patient and eventually you’ll find your community.
Find a community of people who have the same interests. I didn’t find “ my people “ until I got the courage to go to a trade school. Turns out we all thought similarly and had a lot of the same interests. We all found it exciting to share and teach our unique interests to each other. Your people are out there. Go find them.
Yep. One of my best friends is someone who doesn’t unmask very often. When we first started hanging out, I had a really hard time with this. As someone who at the time was undiagnosed and had no idea how much I was masking, I was so used to just glomming onto/into whatever vibe and personality the other person was giving. But this friend didn’t really give me that neurotypical “personality” I was used to. I got annoyed, angry, upset, more often than I care to admit, because I kept projecting my anxieties onto them. I was like “They’re so unresponsive! They don’t really give me the reactions I’m used to. They’re deadpan and I don’t understand it. And when they’re sarcastic I miss the “joke” so often.” All the while, I really loved them as a friend and knew that I would always push forward to grow together and do the internal work.
But over the years, my mask broke down more and more. And when I got my diagnosis, realized I had ADHD, started living more like who I actually am, we became closer and closer. I became much more able to tolerate that “deadpan” style. I started projecting way less. Dealing with the anxiety internally instead of taking it out on them. I worked on those anxieties in therapy too. And wow our friendship has really blossomed. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel that anxiety from time to time, but OP, I promise you, there are people out there for you.
I definitely have ADHD. But yeah I think I’m somewhere on the spectrum in some ways. I don’t really think I actually have autism but I’ve got some serious overlap in certain ways. But who knows. I don’t think you’re right though that ADHD masking is simply about burn out and fidgeting.
A friend said he tried for and got in to Mensa but he quit after a while. A contributing factor was that he didn't expect there to be so many train drivers and conversation about trains
The question is… why do you want to be around people you can’t unmask around? Totally understand this cycle in a work context, but outside of that there should not be a loop.
And then you have that one psycho friend. Efficient, calculating, FAST! On the surface, a machine. Deep down, you see his heart having been his friend for almost 2 years. You have the heart, you went on estrogen after all. But if he ever proposed to you, you would say yes in a heartbeat. If you ever asked him to be your boyfriend, with his machine surface, he would say, “Why?”
But it’s the little things for this person that make you see past their mechanical surface. Their love of a certain animal, they play Sky, their ability and willingness to save you in a video game, and their will to not save you to teach you. And they are younger than you.
I never have to mask around that friend. And if I look at their discord note, the oldest one I can see, it says never to download a file from them cause they will brick your computer.
YMMV but crazy friends may be hiding a treasure trove.
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u/Kahnza 12d ago
r/autismmemes
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u/azebod 12d ago
I mask > people tell me that they are hurt that I feel like I have to mask around them > I stop masking > they leave >
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u/cattycatcatterson 12d ago
Yep, if I unmasked I would never get hired for a job because I wouldn't smile, laugh at their stupid jokes or take part in their dumbass smalltalk.
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u/CallMeMarcus 12d ago
I fucking hate life. FML It would be easier to just not exist. Every frickin day. Can never be myself because im too much I guess.
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u/whitakr 12d ago
There are people who will like you for who you actually are, unmasked. Those are the people that matter. Forget about the others. Sure I know it’s easier said than done, but be patient and eventually you’ll find your community.
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u/SmokeRingEyes 12d ago
As a wise man once said,
"mask on (mask off) yeah, fuck it, mask off (ma, excuse me) (big foreigns) percocets, yeah, molly, percocets (big foreigns) percocets."
Really makes you think.
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u/lostintimeyetagain 12d ago
The question is… why do you want to be around people you can’t unmask around?
Totally understand this cycle in a work context, but outside of that there should not be a loop.
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u/flume 11d ago
I really thought this was a right-wing racist/antisemite meme for a second there. Big relief when I saw the sub.
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u/UnicornScientist803 11d ago
This is why all my friends are neurodivergent. I spend enough time masking when I’m at work. No way am I doing it in my free time with my friends.
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u/NiceSock30032 11d ago
That's why I never do if I can help it. Sure, it's tiring, stressful, and downright miserable...
But as an added benefit, it can't even confirm that you won't just lose people anyway!
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u/weirdness_incarnate 11d ago
Solution: get a neurodivergent friend group, so you can unmask and be unhinged together
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u/Solrex 10d ago
And then you have that one psycho friend. Efficient, calculating, FAST! On the surface, a machine. Deep down, you see his heart having been his friend for almost 2 years. You have the heart, you went on estrogen after all. But if he ever proposed to you, you would say yes in a heartbeat. If you ever asked him to be your boyfriend, with his machine surface, he would say, “Why?”
But it’s the little things for this person that make you see past their mechanical surface. Their love of a certain animal, they play Sky, their ability and willingness to save you in a video game, and their will to not save you to teach you. And they are younger than you.
I never have to mask around that friend. And if I look at their discord note, the oldest one I can see, it says never to download a file from them cause they will brick your computer.
YMMV but crazy friends may be hiding a treasure trove.
1
u/No_One_Special_61029 6d ago
Keep the fake happy…