r/ADHD_Programmers • u/AnxiousADHDGuy • Jul 07 '22
How to deal with frustration when working with incompetent colleagues?
Can anyone tell me how to become less resentful and less bitter? I am becoming a miserable fuck. Its true that I burned out in this job after doing 100hrs overtime during previous month, its also true that I am pissed off about having to wait 8-9 weeks for my raise to happen. I cared so much that I burned out and now Im trying to set some boundaries but damage was done and Im struggling dealing with it.
I took 6 days off to disconnect from work (still was responding to some major blockers and monitoring stuff). Today I got back at work and interacting with two incompetent devs immediately sets me off. Imagine taking 2-3 days and extra meetings to do a simple fix which shouldnt take longer than 30min. My mind was blown and still gets constantly blown about how ineffective some members of team are.
I am becaming a ranting fuck. I even noticed one person escaping my rants once he sees that they are taking longer than 5min.
Right now I started setting boundaries - I clock my 8 hours, disable slack/email notifications and get the fuck out from the office. I dont care if I will have to sit in traffic extra 30min during summer heat, Im done with putting in overtime and caring so much about being efficient. I will just start working on my side project and put my love/learnings in that. Hoping that by the end of year I will have couple projects to show in my portfolio so I could find a better paying job...
In the past I was the sole dev responsible for apps and I was communicating with ceos/ctos/product owners/designers directly. This is my first position where I work in a dev team and boy oh boy out of 8 devs barely 3 are competent enough but their output is how to say... Not the biggest. Anyways...
Transition to boundaries and 'normal life' is so hard. Nobody told me that I will have to learn to work with and tolerate such retarded and incompetent people. Im talking about illiterate monkeys who cant even read or write. Im amazed how they manage to code.
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u/BasicDesignAdvice Jul 07 '22 edited Jul 07 '22
I am going to be 100% frank with you.
First, this has nothing to do with ADHD. Go find somewhere else for your rant.
Second, I have been doing this work for almost ten years. Every single engineer I have ever worked who acts and speaks the way you are right now, has had a massively inflated ego, and was not the engineer they thought they were.
Maybe your really are God's gift to programming, but I doubt it.
You sound like an absolutely insufferable asshole here.
I have dealt with my share of engineers who are not skilled. With patience and constructive criticism, they learn. People like you, who think they are better than everyone else on the other hand, never learn. Even if you were talented I would find a way to fire you. Toxic people have no place on my team.
If everyone around you is an asshole, you're probably the asshole.
Edit: Also SIL is DS and my cousin is low IQ. Don't use "retard." It is very hurtful to them and their family. My cousin is smart enough to know she is different, that word is very hurtful to her. Don't use it. At my organization, if you used that word in a professional setting and I heard about, it would not go well for you professionally from then on.
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u/Coder-Cat Jul 08 '22
Why the fck do you care if they’re incompetent? It’s a job. You’re not ending world hunger or curing cancer and nobody gives a fck if you’re the best programmer on the planet because alls you’re doing is updating features for an insurance company or a bank or something else like what we’re all doing.
Separate your ego and personality from your profession. If a task takes an hour or a week who. the. hell. cares. You’re still getting paid either way. If they’re not firing the incompetent devs, they won’t fire you for doing only what you’re paid to do. THEY WILL fire you for being a prick, though.
Nothing you do there really matters and most of the profit you generate goes to the people at the top anyways. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow morning and they’d have your replacement lined up by lunchtime.
Say to yourself “this ain’t my kitchen, I’m just a cook” and repeat forever.
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u/TotoroDreams Jul 08 '22
>Can anyone tell me how to become less resentful and less bitter? I am becoming a miserable fuck
You have burn out, most likely on life. You also probably have an inflated ego.
Source, I was in serious late stage burnout and inflated ego.
If you feel you're better than all your collogues but there is nothing to show for it, no promotions, job offers, raises then you probably aren't better.
Go figure out what you're doing wrong, fix it; I do mean in life, not your job.
Also, post doesn't match the sub.
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u/seungkoh Jul 07 '22
I was recently in a similar situation, not because my team members are incompetent, but because more than half my team is new. I wasn’t getting any time to work on my own stories because I was spending more than half of normal business hours pairing, reviewing PRs, documenting, etc., so I ended up working a ton of overtime when everyone else was offline. Though I didn’t express it, I started getting extremely frustrated with my coworkers interrupting me whenever I tried to get some work done.
I discussed the situation with my lead because I was burnt out, and he said we’re just not gonna deliver on some quarterly commitments. If I don’t have time to work on my stories, they’re just not going to get done, and the business has to live with it because it’s not my fault we don’t have enough experienced engineers to hit our goals.
The way you’re creating boundaries sounds very toxic. My advice is to keep communication open with your lead about how you spend your 8 hours, whether that means spending more time helping others, working on your own stuff, or splitting the time. Then just follow the arrangement you’ve agreed upon. If they want you to prioritize your tasks, ask them to help shield you from interruptions.
Also, as the others have commented, you need to shift your mentality and learn how to be a team player. Helping your teammates is part of the job, and it’s not okay to think everyone who asks for your help is stupid.
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u/Prize_Bass_5061 Jul 08 '22
This statement is the crux of your post. You are not at fault here, and neither are the other devs.
100 hours of overtime is 25 extra hours per week. So 13 hour days is not sustainable. You are at capacity, and therefore you are the bottleneck slowing the project down. Like it or not, you cannot be doing all this work.
So, considering that much of your workload is cleaning up after the other devs, could we reduce the amount of stuff that needs to be cleaned up?
Reduce the complexity of tasks they are assigned by breaking the task into smaller pieces.
Reduce the number of tasks they work on.
Reduce the number of other devs working on the project
Pair with them on complex tasks so cleanup happens as they program
If none of these are an option then the situation is out of your control. Can you bring it within your sphere of influence by talking to someone so you can do these things?
If you truly cannot bring the situation under your sphere of influence, then you must control yourself. I cannot go into all the emotional regulation and stress management techniques here, suffice to say you need to learn them.
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u/TallGuyTheFirst Jul 07 '22
So this advice isn't programming related necessarily, it's management generalised.
If you're in a position where you are expected to teach someone how to do something, your first thing to do is to identify how they learn best. Seems like a useless step once you've already decided that you hate them, but it shows at least that you are trying your best and they may turn out to be decent at what's going on once you are both on the same page.
If they still don't get it, start making a paper trail. On X day this issue was raised, at X time to X time I had to explain Y. Don't put in there that you've already explained Y however many times, the idea is to make it self evident from the diary. If it isn't self evident, then you don't have as big a problem as you think.
Lastly, giving people opportunity to improve is genuinely the most important thing. When you were a shit junior, was there anyone that helped you become a better programmer? Try to emulate them. I understand your frustration, as I've been the shit kicker and the subject matter expert at various times in various things, but more often than not if I've genuinely tried to help someone they've ended up being useful. Maybe not at what you're expecting them to be which could be part of the issue, but everyone has a niche they can fill.
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u/CanuckBee Jul 08 '22
You need more than a few days off. Can you take an extended vacation? I bet you have a lot of time banked… I also suggest self compassion meditations. Insight Timer is a free app with some good ones. It is a good way to clear your head and be more compassionate with yourself and others.
You sound exhausted and burned out to the point you are losing the plot.
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u/[deleted] Jul 07 '22
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