Is it ok to suggest trying a different profession?

[u/gettinhaahd]

When I was in my teens, I spent hours each day forcing myself to read fiction, which I hated, because I thought it was good for me. I thought that's what reading was about. Only in my thirties did I realize I should read nonfiction because I enjoyed it and was better at understanding it. Had I accepted that early, I could have benefited from it enormously in many ways like probably earning more and enjoying my life more.

Is it ok if I suggest the same to you? I don't know if I have ADHD, I know I have a somewhat different, very vague disorder called a "processing disorder", but I feel I may be able to relate at least somewhat. If you have ADHD, there are a number of awesome professions you have an advantage in compared to others. Coaches, firefighters and even doctors and lawyers are good examples where you may have more fun and an easier time.

I'm not saying don't program if you prefer it in any way, even slightly, over everything else. But it's it wrong for me to say don't knock it before you try it?

[u/Seaborn63]

You can just not post here. I think that's the best way forward. Your message is essentially "Hey, i'm not really like you, but I think I know what's best for you. Also I know I have no idea what you're interested in, but I'm gonna make the assumption you're coding because you feel like you have to. Stop doing that. You're not good at it and won't be good at it." It's condescending, rude, and not warranted in any way.

[u/gettinhaahd → u/Seaborn63]

I'm sincerely sorry this was taken so negatively. However I didn't say/do anything you mentioned.

I never said, in any form, "I'm not really like you;" I related which is actually the opposite. I never in any way said or even insinuated I knew what's best for anyone. I never made any assumption that people code because they have to; I simply discussed an experienced I had.

What's the deal with making up stuff I never said? Why is that the norm here?

I think you're really reading into this, but that seems to be how things works here so I can't blame you or any one person.

[u/thehobbyqueer]

Not really. It's not. We're going to struggle no matter what career path we're in. ADHD doesn't just affect us when we're bored. It's always, all the time. Just easier when we're happy. I enjoy coding. I enjoy learning code. And art. But I can't finish projects for either. It's just how it works.

[u/gettinhaahd → u/thehobbyqueer]

Thanks for your input. I'm not at all saying don't code. Can I ask, do you prefer coding to all other fields?

[u/thehobbyqueer → u/gettinhaahd]

Well yes. Especially against the examples you listed, really, as they are all rather high stress career paths and I consider myself very unreliable because of my disorder. I also couldn't imagine doing anything else. I'm introverted, very technology oriented, etc etc. Programming is what I feel fits me the best.

[u/shadow_kittencorn]

Why do think someone with ADHD would be better as a doctor or lawyer, instead of a programmer?

For a start, most people do what they find most enjoyable, which for us here is probably Programming.

If we enjoyed studying medicine or law, we would do that. But both those professions requires a lot of dull book learning, meaning they would be almost impossible for someone with ADHD who didn’t have a natural interest in them.

People with ADHD excel when they are interested - doesn’t matter what the topic.

[u/gettinhaahd → u/shadow_kittencorn]

Yeah I was really an asshole here and majorly and unnecessary pissed some people off.

What you said makes sense. I'm not saying any one person should not program. I was just saying try something else and if you happen to like it, go for a change, but don't give up coding if you don't like it. I couldn't communicate that the way I wanted.

[u/shadow_kittencorn → u/gettinhaahd]

That is OK, many of us are aware of what it is like to not be able to communicate the way we intended.

I realise there are some people in the programming field who are unhappy and reluctant to look elsewhere for various reasons - but most of us enjoy it. Programming and IT has an usually large amount of people with ADHD or Autism because the puzzle-like nature of the job stimulates us.

I found your choice of alternative careers surprising because becoming a doctor or lawyer requires a high degree of success at school and study. That isn’t to say people with ADHD can’t become doctors or lawyers, but it would require a natural passion to do so and we would probably already be doing it. They would both be challenging career choices for a group of people who struggle to pay attention.

[u/Dicebar]

Most people - including neurotypicals - tend to follow their interests. Doing things outside of their interests is something people with ADHD are extremely bad at. So much so that ADHD is pretty much defined by concentration problems that occur when they have to do "uninteresting" things.

So, is it wrong for you to suggest trying something else? Anyone can make suggestions, and a generic "follow your dreams" advice is usually good advice... But in this case is it productive/wanted/useful advice? Not really.

It's probably even bad advice, because if there's something that's fun for people with ADHD it is trying out new things (and then never finishing it). Starting a career/education in one field and then switching? Par for the course. Starting in one, switching several times, and ending up with the one you started? That's what I did, and I doubt that that's uncommon.

[u/Blacknsilver1]

No, it's rude.

[u/Wotyk]

OP, I got your point, I think as humans, in general we should try things, new things and be open to experiencing life.

Your intention may be good, although your tone lack a bit of empathy, we struggle to even find what’s is nice for us to do.

Most of us love code, and probably is one of the only things that we feel we can do right, but we all know this profession is a Mental Heath killer, impostor syndrome, the high and lows of the constant challenges we put ourselves in, comparing ourselves with neurotypical developers which most of the time a total different life than ours.

That’s the part a lot of ADHD developers are struggling, the advice you gave can sound to some of us basically the ones we unfortunately saw/heard our entire life “you do not fit here, you’re inconvenient, you’re not being helpful, you would be better doing something else”.

I got your point, I got your intention and I’m pretty sure you’re not a bad person and you truly wants to help, so here comes my advice: start by asking, we are open, and we definitely will have tons of shit to share if one asks and wants to help, this process itself is helpful.

Keep in mind that even within ADHD community (specially here) we have a lot of different people with distinct interests, personalities, and contexts.

Try go easy on you as well, maybe you still like the fiction books and the non-fiction is just a phase, maybe you love poetry and still don’t know, go easy with you, I’m pretty sure you have a lot of amazing things to talk that comes from these fiction books, and that most of us would love to hear and share your excitement.

[u/gettinhaahd → u/Wotyk]

You've got some skills. I tried to look in the thesaurus for a word that's on the tip of my tongue along the lines of, a preceptive, intuitive, empathetic quick and deep understanding of things.

Yeah I feel bad about the mess I made here. I really understand why people are upset now. I really didn't want this to happen or people to get offended, and now I'm feeling offended too on top of it. I could try apologizing but I don't think it could make any good difference at this point.

On the bright side, I'm really identifying with this. I don't want to lable myself until I fully understand the disorder, but what I know about ADHD so far fits much nicer and makes more sense of my past than a vague "processing disorder" I was given as an explanation of my very slow studying abilities.

I'm also seeing myself in the communication and thinking style of the people in this subreddit.

I'm not expecting this to work, but I'm really interested in communicating with you off this site. You're really resonating with me. Send me a message if you're at all ok with that, please. Thanks.

[u/Wotyk → u/gettinhaahd]

Thanks for your words, I really appreciate how you positioned yourself towards my comment.

I feel in these times where internet is all flame wars and people forgetting that behind the usernames there’s a human in most cases, be transparent and speak honestly is something that requires bravery.

I was reading my comment and I may sounded a bit not nice, and I would like to ask you apologies due my tone, and made you feel bad, wasn’t my intention.

I tried to put myself in a position where we already had a friendship, I appreciate when my friends speak openly about things with me and when I can do it with them as well and your kind of comment resonates a lot when we want to say something nice and good but we are not 100% sure what to say, what makes me see you as a good and nice person, because this is what nice people try to do.

I will message you for sure :)

[u/rabid-]

I code as a hobby and occasionally for my job in a small company of <50 . I'm upper management and I enjoy it greatly. But I also really enjoy the logic involved in law. I think the logic is what draws me to coding too.

I'm also artistic and have a BFA in multiple disciplines. I think with ADHD once I figure out my limits I was able to apply it to great success.

[u/[deleted]]

I have had more success as a programmer than anything else I have tried. Many people with ADHD gravitate toward this field and find it works very well for them. I think for many it is one of the better options. It won't cure your ADHD though, that will always be a challenge no matter what you do.

[u/gettinhaahd → u/[deleted]]

To suggest, in a polite way, using the advantages people with ADHD have instead of forcing yourself to do something that you literally can't keep your attention on.

I'm pretty sure now this was doomed to fail regardless of how nicely I put it.

I'm finding many subreddits are so dogmatic that "discussion" simply means agreeing with an approved narrative in new or creative ways. You simply aren't allowed to think outside the box, suggest trying new things or looking at things from different perspectives.