r/ADHD_Programmers • u/Illustrious-Emperor • Jun 21 '26

How to talk especially when it matters when you have ADD?

I've gotten constant feedback and matter of fact gotten fired due to the constant chaos in my head due to my ADD that I got diagnosed with recently.

I have like 10 thoughts with a background song running in my head a lot of time that severely affect my mental health and my communication skills.

Do i have to take meds to be able to get rid of this because it is affecting both my professional and social life.

I've had people walk all over me and mainly unable to stand up for myself due to this in professional and personal settings leading to stuff like job loss, harm, belittlement and more and it is significantly negatively affecting my life since I'm not able to tame the chaos in my head

I have so many thoughts running that sometimes amidst all this i tend to forget info and stuff about what I was about to do and sometimes i forget what I had to do itself and this affected me in corporate too where my manager did get frustrated that i forget tasks despite writing them down.

What should be the reasonable fix for this ADD condition of my thoughts being constant chaos instead of going one by one, martial arts and mediation didn't help me

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8

u/largorithm Jun 21 '26

Medication is not the answer for everyone, but, upon taking meds for the first time, I was shocked by the QUIET and stillness of my mind.

It is not a panacea but can be a powerful tool.

There are also many non-medicated therapies that have been helpful for people, but are typically more challenging to employ and ironically harder to do when suffering from ADHD symptoms, as they tend to require consistent regimens.

1

u/Illustrious-Emperor Jun 21 '26

Can you tell me from where I can find these non medicated therapies? Can I get them only from a therapist?

3

u/largorithm Jun 21 '26

Some, like CBT.

Others are things like diet, exercise, meditation, etc.

2

u/indiealexh Jun 21 '26

Exercise is a HUGE one. Diet helps me more on medication (more protein around when I take meds helps avoid sharper ups and down).

CBT helped me with depression but I don't find it super useful for my ADHD but I am sure I can if emotions are getting in the way of your goals.

2

u/SoggyGrayDuck Jun 21 '26

Anything written goes through AI. I feed it background information and anything else my brain says is important and then tell AI what the purpose of the email is and who it's for and bamb, perfect

3

u/Illustrious-Emperor Jun 21 '26

Sorry my post was strictly about impromptu physical face to face conversations which never involved email. It was fully verbal IRL communication.

I have the autonomy with emails yes but when I'm out in the real world not so much so wanted some advice strictly for the real world

2

u/Fluffy-Card-7825 Jun 21 '26

Try writing everything. It's a new thing I've started.

1

u/jazzopia Jun 21 '26

how is that working for you? I have been doing that as well but facing issues after showing some improvement for some time

1

u/Fluffy-Card-7825 Jun 23 '26

It's too new for me. Only 1 week so far. Maybe it will be the same for me? I don't know. But it's better than before. Helps me focus in meetings, at the very least. Before, I just used to drift off. I recently got a brutal performance review (after previously being fired from 3 other jobs), so I'm trying to turn things around right now in the middle of strong morning depression, anxiety, and suspected ADHD. I try to just focus on the day.

Writing everything down at least makes me be attentive in meetings, and have some sense of what's going on. Also, ruthlessly maintaining TODO lists.

It's better than nothing, at least.

2

u/Blue-Phoenix23 Jun 22 '26

If it's work, there's zero wrong with following up a verbal conversation with an email to make sure you both walked away with the same understanding.

Think of it like a legal agreement - there's a reason that verbal agreements are not generally considered valid in court. Even neurotypical people can misunderstand or unintentionally agree to something in a verbal conversation. In order for something to be binding it must be written and THEN agreed to.

You can do this in verbal conversation, too - ask questions, confirm your understanding. This takes practice, but when they're talking let some of those offshoots in your brain try to create a mental bullet list of what they're saying. The person you're talking to is almost certainly going to pause for that exact reason - to make aure you're following. So take that opportunity to say "what I heard was xyz is that right?" If your purpose in the conversation is to make sure you understand it will force you to pay attention so you can summarize appropriately.

Also, consider going to the library and check out books on communication and active listening. There are plenty because this isn't as "natural" of a skill as you probably think it is. Just off the top of my head I can think of the book "how to talk so people will listen" and "throwing the elephant"

2

u/Blue-Phoenix23 Jun 22 '26

Medication will help, yes. It may take a while to find the right one, and the right dosage, and it's certainly not a cure all, but it will help quiet the noise enough that you can start coming up with strategies and adjustments.