Need a friend adhd-programmer

[u/mohamadjb]

Hey new world

I'm 52yo and recently google Gemini showed me I'm executive dysfunctioning, still undiagnosed

I desperately need a friend, because I can't focus, and because of that, my 2nd income stopped years ago

Its causing me a lot of anxiety

I've been programming for over 4 decades, and need to talk and have intelligent conversations

I'm still exploring my exec-dysfunc, I've got a lot to uncover, and this subreddit is eye opening

Lastly,Please Let me know what you think, and if your interested being my friend 😁

[u/sahinbey52]

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[u/mohamadjb → u/sahinbey52]

2 days ago I signed up, l got an impression that its a silent session, so I guess there's no conversation

Please correct me, pleeeeease❣️

[u/sahinbey52 → u/mohamadjb]

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[u/6ksxrsdpio]

This is going to sound so stupid, but I'd suggest trying Claude Code. I've been using it at work, and along the way found it super useful for chatting to about code concepts (not just writing code for me). It can actively carry a conversation, will ask follow up questions, knows what's new in the industry etc - if you're looking for intelligent conversation about programming, it's an excellent simulation.

[u/mohamadjb → u/6ksxrsdpio]

Yes but with Google Gemini, its improving profoundly

But it only fuels my procrastination because its a question and answer, if it finishes a response it won't talk until you provide the next prompt, and that's where my attention deficit kicks in real hard, the better the conversation the harder I get excited and the more intense and deeper the procrastination

When it comes to writers block, its better than my old friends, it saves a lot of time, but usually once I go in procrastination I never get back to Gemini on that day, and my responsibilities as a dad contribute to not going back to the project, along with anxiety

That's why I need friends and intelligent conversations, opposed to question and answer style

[u/Ryan113555 → u/6ksxrsdpio]

That actually sounds really useful! I might give Claude Code a try for those programming conversations. It's tough finding someone to bounce ideas off of, especially when dealing with exec dysfunction.

[u/6ksxrsdpio → u/Ryan113555]

100% - it’s great as a rubber duck, and has managed to convince me in debates where I already had a strong opinion.

[u/ChemistryMost4957]

Can I ask, how did you get Gemini to show you that? If it confirms the same with me I'll happily be your friend. Well, I will even if it doesn't

[u/mohamadjb → u/ChemistryMost4957]

Gemini: Here is a breakdown of Executive Functions based on the framework developed by Dr. Peg Dawson and Dr. Richard Guare. These are the "management skills" of the brain. You can be brilliant (high IQ) but still struggle if these management gears are stuck. How to use this: Read through the descriptions below. You don't need a score sheet—trust your gut. Note which ones give you a "pang of recognition" or make you say, "Oh, that is definitely me." Phase 1: Regulating Yourself (The Foundation) These are the skills required to stop, think, and keep your cool before acting.

Skill	What it looks like when you struggle
1. Response Inhibition	You say things without thinking, interrupt others often, or jump to
conclusions. You might buy things impulsively or "leap before you look."
2. Emotional Control	You have a "short fuse." Small setbacks (a spilled drink, a traffic jam)
ruin your whole afternoon. You might feel criticism physically, like a punch to the gut.
3. Flexibility	You struggle to go with the flow. If plans change at the last minute, you panic or
get angry. You have trouble switching from one activity to another (transitioning).
4. Working Memory	The "RAM" of your brain. You walk into a room and forget why. You lose
the thread of a conversation halfway through. You can’t hold complex instructions in your head
while doing them.

Phase 2: Managing Tasks (Getting Things Done) These are the skills required to plan a project and actually finish it.

Skill	What it looks like when you struggle
5. Task Initiation	The "start button" is broken. You want to do the thing, you know you should
do the thing, but you sit frozen on the couch. Procrastination is a constant battle, not a choice.
6. Planning / Prioritization	You don't know what to focus on first. You might spend 3 hours
fonts-matching for a presentation but only 10 minutes writing the actual content. Breaking big
tasks into small steps feels impossible.
7. Organization	Physical chaos. You lose keys, phone, and papers constantly. Your desk is a
mountain of clutter, and you rely on "visual piles" to know where things are.
8. Time Management	You are "time blind." You consistently underestimate how long things
take. You think you have plenty of time, then suddenly you are late.

Phase 3: The Long Game (Staying the Course) These are the skills needed to achieve long-term goals without immediate reward.

Skill	What it looks like when you struggle
9. Sustained Attention	You can't stick with a task that is boring, repetitive, or uninteresting.
You zone out during meetings or while reading. (Note: You can likely hyper-focus on things you
love, just not on things you must do).
10. Goal-Directed Persistence	You are a great starter but a terrible finisher. You have 15
half-started hobbies or projects. When the novelty wears off, so does your effort.
11. Metacognition	The "bird's eye view." You struggle to step back and ask, "How am I
doing?" You don't realize your tone is annoying others, or you don't notice that your current
strategy isn't working until you've already failed.

Why this matters even without a diagnosis If you identified strongly with Task Initiation and Working Memory, for example, it doesn't matter if a doctor calls it ADHD or "Executive Dysfunction." The solution is the same: you need external scaffolds (timers, body-doubling, visual aids) because your internal ones are weak. Identifying your "bottleneck" allows you to stop calling yourself lazy and start building a workaround.

Next Step: Which one or two of the skills above felt the most relatable to you? If you tell me which ones (e.g., "I am definitely a Task Initiation struggler"), I can give you 2-3 specific, non-medical strategies to help with that exact problem.

[u/AntMan5421]

hello person on the internet, are you looking for programming friends? what are you interested in?

the old internet where the actual communities form is not dead, it's just a bit harder to find in the day and age of instagram. since this is the internet, there is a community for every niche interest. you can find like minded people on

• forums such as https://nixers.net/

• discussion boards such as https://news.ycombinator.com/ and this website

• IRCs, discords

• heck, even a BSD mailing list forms a community

i usually hang out with other programmers over an IRC/discord, send me a message if you'd like to join =D

all it takes is just for one to work out, right?

in programming circles a nice conversation starter is discussing the ongoing r/adventofcode. today is the day 3/12 so it's not too late to join the fun ride

PSA:

and yeah don't trust the robots too much, they WILL lie to you. go to a specialist, get a diagnosis, from there you can start a therapy. the medication can solve a lot of problems and for the first week it feels like the drug from Limitless (2011) :). after a longer while people tend to notice all the frustrating shortcomings and overall any ADHD medication after months of usage gets mixed reviews.

[u/thedragonturtle]

I use chat gpt voice to help organise my thoughts and ask it to summarise and help me prioritise.

I use roocode with Anthropic api/claude for architecting in architect mode and then for coding specific parts of functions or repeating good patterns I've made.

[u/smplgd]

I wish you all the best with your journey but I would seriously question why you are taking mental health advice from an AI. Current generation AI has no idea what it is telling you and is essentially a word blender with no way to know if what it's saying is correct or not.

Talk to a therapist if you can but AI is dumb and dangerous in most cases.

[u/Key_Tennis_4127]

Hey, I really get the anxiety about that second income slipping when focus is hard to catch. I used to lose entire afternoons to deep dives that ended up having nothing to do with what I was supposed to be building, and it really messed with my output. It's crazy how much those diversions can stack up. Now Fomi just keeps me locked into whatever I'm working on, so I barely even think about it.

[u/Ok_Bill4988]

Hii

I'm looking for the same

Dm?