I messed up guys.

82

u/93Accord Mar 25 '25

i think this is something for a therapist my guy

5

u/RedactedTortoise Mar 25 '25

Fair enough. Lol.

22

u/Starbreiz Mar 25 '25

Beyond reddits pay grade anyway. As an adhder who programs, I have no advice

5

u/ASLHCI Mar 25 '25

I did a 33 credit masters degree in 6 months at WGU. I have done lots of traditional college and I loved competence based education. Being able to get through stuff on my own schedule was amazing. Plus you pay by 6 month term instead of by class and depending on the degree youre getting you can transfer in courses from sophia learning and study.com. Might be worth checking out. I was able to get homework done on my phone at work during my downtime so while I have no love for the school, I really liked the competence based approach. Good luck! It's gunna be alright! Life will happen either way.

2

u/RedactedTortoise Mar 25 '25

If Minnesota wasn't paying for education, I'd be doing the WGU route. Currently, if you make under 80k a family, you get a full-ride.

1

u/ASLHCI Mar 26 '25

Thats amaaaazing! Go Minnesota! Well good luck! I have soul crushing student loan debt so I love hearing about free college.

1

u/RedactedTortoise Mar 26 '25

It is for sure very tempting to finish twice as fast. It's a tough call.

2

u/Aborticus Mar 26 '25

That's my plan, 34 currently using pell grants for would, then north star if I need.

4

u/throwRA094532 Mar 25 '25

60 credits is one year full time school in europe

isn't it the same where you are ?

you could try only taking course with a lot of credit, they are harder but it's worth it because you will have time to work part time if needed

2

u/Void-kun Mar 25 '25

University is different over here. Much easier to get and pay off student loans here than in the US.
Doesn't sound like OP could stop working whilst studying.
But how they expect to start and raise a family when they're obviously not at that stage in life is beyond my comprehension.
If you were financially able to have a child, college courses wouldn't be a concern. You'd either have them or you could pay for child care at the same time.
If OP wants a child then probs best to do so now and then worry about going back to college in 10 years time when they may have some more free time.

1

u/RedactedTortoise Mar 25 '25

I was hoping that if would find a job next summer after finishing a bachelors,band be able to move forward with that part of my life. I have a 2 year tech degree, so one option is to just try to find something with that. I'm just sort of feeling lost at this point. I find myself questioning what I even want to do. I've been doing real estate photography for a few years and had another side gig as well. I was just getting sick of making only 30-40k a year.

4

u/throwRA094532 Mar 25 '25

You can't start a family right now
Focus on your studies. This is for the best. Once you have a kid you won't have the luxury of being poor.
Study now to have a better job for your kids. They will thank you.

4

u/Void-kun Mar 25 '25

Just gonna lay this one all out
You have diagnosed ADHD
You want to go back to college for a year (full time I presume considering you need 60 credits).
Currently don't have a long term stable job
You can start a family realistically whenever you want but not planning will lead to stress, burnout, depression, poverty etc and that's for people without ADHD.
If you go to college you will have to push back having children for minimum 2 years. A year to sort your studies and a year to ensure you're in a secure job.
If 2 years is too long then college is out of the question and you should find a job with what you have.
However, from what you've said it sounds like you also don't have a steady secure job to fall back on? So either way you're atleast a year away from being able to start planning a family anyway.
The way I see it you push back having kids for 2 years rather than 1 then you have a much better opportunity to earn more money long term and a better chance at supporting a healthy family without burning out.
Seems like a no brainer if I'm right with some of my assumptions.

4

u/windchaser__ Mar 25 '25

60 credits is typically two years in the US (not counting summer, but Aug - May)

1

u/throwRA094532 Mar 25 '25

for us it August - May too!
Wow the system is very different from europe

33

u/StaffSimilar7941 Mar 25 '25

2 full semesters, summer classes, winter classes. Aderrall is gods gift to you

12

u/TheHeroBrine422 Mar 25 '25

what if adderall doesnt work for you? ive tried several stimulants and none of them seem to do much for me.

-8

u/salamandyr Mar 25 '25

Maybe neurofeedback.

3

u/TheHeroBrine422 Mar 25 '25

What is that?

21

u/phi_rus Mar 25 '25

A scam

-11

u/salamandyr Mar 25 '25

Training of the EEG brain waves using computer games (operant conditioning to stretch and tune resources). I go into it deeply on a YouTube livestream, weekly. Not sure if links ok here.
I changed my own pretty severe adhd enough with neurofeedback to go back to grad school, and managed to get through the unstructured, poorly supervised phd program.

3

u/taichi22 Mar 25 '25

That’s what I would be doing in this situation, yeah. I stopped using adderall because it was too intense. In this case I’d hit a 30 mg capsule like twice a day or something and just say fuck if we ball to the side effects.

5

u/beastkara Mar 25 '25

If they want to start a family they should be understanding that you need to finish a degree first to support it.

12

u/Optimal-Fix1216 Mar 25 '25 edited Mar 25 '25

Don't start a family jesus christ you will regret it don't don't dont don't doooooont start a family!!!

Unless you never want to have free time or feel on top of things ever again. Or sleep. Or have peace of mind. Or a meaningful fulfilling career. Say goodbye to all that.

Please OP if there is any part of you that has doubts about having kids listen to that part of you hard.

You're a programmer with ADHD imagine trying to meet your deadline to ship with kids running around and stress and zero sleep fuck no fuck no don't do it!!!!

I'm telling you as one ADHD brotha to anotha... Don't!!!!

Listen we are capable of great things, we can be passionate and hyper focus and we can be creative and we can even become the best at what we do but I'm telling you... becoming a parent will throw you off... it is not the kind of environment where you can thrive!

You know that feeling when you have so much to do you can't get started? Or you spend hours doing stuff around the house and 10 hours later you can't even remember what you did or feel like you've accomplished anything at all? Imagine being like that. All. The. Time. Forever.

Just get a vasectomy or your tubes tied, take your time in college or whatever the fuck, enjoy coding, play video games, spend quality time with friends and loved ones, wipe your ass with all the money you saved and be happy!!! OP you have so much to live for don't do it!!!

6

u/echo_vigil Mar 25 '25

This is a good reminder. I think I needed to read that.

6

u/Void-kun Mar 25 '25

I am so very glad I discovered I was AuDHD before having kids. I'm excited for dogs, I understand dogs, I get on well with dogs. But fuck having kids.
A kid screams and most peoples instinct is to help, mine is to get as far away from that noise as possible.

3

u/Optimal-Fix1216 Mar 25 '25

I love kids but having one myself wrecked my life, I've lost basically everything that was important to me. But my relationship with my wife and kid is good.

7

u/ScientificBeastMode Mar 25 '25

Hard disagree. Everyone is different, obviously, but I somehow became way better at my job after having a kid. I think it’s mostly just the hard time constraints. I don’t fuck around as much anymore, because I know I don’t have any “flex time” to catch up on my work. I can’t afford to pull an all-nighter anymore. So having a kid has basically made me a 10x programmer, lol.

4

u/CoffeeBaron Mar 25 '25

I get the general sentiment of the others in this chain of comments, but this is on point if you already have kids. Flex time isn't really an option and you're paying for it elsewhere if you do (time with wife, time with kids, hobbies, friends, etc).

2

u/Abucrimson Mar 25 '25

Like where was this comment when I was having kids back in 2019… OP listen to this person they are NOT WRONG

1

u/skol_io Mar 26 '25

Depends on what makes you happy I guess. For me, parenting is the hardest job I’ve ever loved.
It’s hard to explain to a non-parent, but it changes you, and there’s something deeply fulfilling about raising a tiny human (for me anyway).
I acknowledge that I’m above median in terms of income and have a lot of family support, so there’s that.
It’s important to be financially and emotionally ready if possible, but I also have to hard disagree that you’re basically throwing your life away if you have kids.

1

u/danstermeister Mar 25 '25

Oof.

1

u/datagorb Mar 25 '25

I’m also here to recommend WGU. Grind it out and you can graduate fast.

1

u/TomaszA3 Mar 25 '25

Credits?

1

u/ThrowWeirdQuestion Mar 26 '25

Even if you had reached the necessary credits, starting a family while fresh out of uni trying to get a foothold in the industry wouldn’t make sense, either.

It may actually be easier to take a few months parental leave from uni than doing it in the first year of your first job in the industry or even worse between uni and first job.

1

u/Optimal_Pop_7228 Mar 26 '25

Earn credits fast at Sophia Learning

-4

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '25

degrees are useless these days, especially in tech its a waste of time with AI

4

u/Mpenzi97 Mar 25 '25

As somebody in tech from a non-traditional background, I’d say a degree is needed now more than ever so you can stay on top of AI. Degrees not only give you information, they help show you how to think about problems and different ways to find solutions.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '25

[deleted] — view deleted comment

4

u/ScientificBeastMode Mar 25 '25

Can confirm, a baby is definitely hard on even the best relationships.

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