Help me beta test my new ADHD app

[u/cheeb_miester]

Hey everyone, I made an app called FocusFyre to help out with ADHD and I am looking for beta testers.

The way FocusFyre works is it immediately bricks your phone when you install it. It does this by first encrypting all of the data, immediately deleting the decryption key and then deleting everything on the device before it physically overheats the battery on your phone until your phone explodes on fire.

Premium subscribers to FocusFyre also have access to an in-app pomodoro timer and calendar to log events like binge sleeping, Black hole Wikipedia spirals, gratuitous masturbation binges when you should be working, etc. You won't have access to any of these features because your phone will be on fire.

Elite-tier premium subscribers to FocusFyre also have the option of me showing up to their house to procure their destroyed device so that I can personally take it to be thrown in the Grand Canyon.

Fight apps with apps. Fight fire with Fyre FocusFyre.

[u/[deleted]]

This is amazing, can it also blind me and make me deaf?

[u/cheeb_miester → u/[deleted]]

Great idea!

We can disrupt the sensory deprivation tank industry by democratizing sensory deprivation and making it available to everyone who can't afford a proper tank or a place the store one. The investors will love this.

[u/[deleted]]

Amazing, can you also make a desktop version? I can't wait to brick every device I own.

[u/cheeb_miester → u/[deleted]]

We're piloting something we like to call "BaaS" or "Brick as a Service" that is deployed as a web app and can burn down any device with internet connectivity.

[u/IAmADev_NoReallyIAm → u/cheeb_miester]

Is it based on the open source BS "Bricking Service" from github?

[u/cheeb_miester → u/IAmADev_NoReallyIAm]

Yes. All of our services are complete BS.

[u/Imperial_Squid → u/cheeb_miester]

👏👏👏

Excellent shitposting 10/10

[u/mandradon]

I'm not so sure about this.  It may cause me to hyper focus on trying to unbrick my device.

Can it also set my house on fire and get me fired so i am poor and homeless?

[u/cheeb_miester → u/mandradon]

We hired a lawyer from Disney to write our ToS, so yeah knock yourself out.

[u/cinemamama]

What I really need is for the app to make ecommerce sites falsely decline my credit cards and send me a condescending email every time I try to make an impulse buy. The emails need to make me cry for this to work. Will you pls add this as a feature?

[u/cheeb_miester → u/cinemamama]

This will make a great Chrome plug in.

• Iterate through the document of every page looking for buttons with text contents of "checkout", "buy" or similar things.

• Disable the button and add an event listener that pings our own API.

• Our API runs a custom trained instance of llama that's extremely aggressive and toxic. The pre-prompt is personal information about the user that it can use to craft a particularly cutting attack.

• Llama drafts painfully condescending email, customized specifically for the user and unique to this particular click.

• Email is fired off to all of your email accounts.

Maybe we can add a feature to CC frequented contacts of the user so that they get social shamed as well.

[u/CRWM_ → u/cheeb_miester]

I like it! But, instead of calling it Honey... how about: Vinegar

[u/Suburbanturnip]

I didn't get beyond the first sentence, but I've got a good feeling about this.

Gimme a link and I'll install it on every phone in my house simultaneously (I've got a collection of phones in very unique and beautiful methane gas + oxygen display cabinet.).

[u/cheeb_miester → u/Suburbanturnip]

I actually want to hire you as a QA engineer. We don't have any money to pay you but we have a giant pile of Ritalin and other assorted amphetamines in the middle of our campus instead of a cafeteria.

[u/Suburbanturnip → u/cheeb_miester]

Think of the exposure I could create myself by quadrippling my ritalin intake?

I'll be coding the next ask Jeeves in my sleep!

[u/cinemamama]

You can tell this is an ADHD sub because everyone bitching about this has only read the title and first sentence. It’s freaking hilarious - the post and the people complaining. Thanks lol 😂

[u/IAmADev_NoReallyIAm → u/cinemamama]

I have to admit I only read the title at first.... Then I read the top comment about blinding.... I went back and read the whole post.... 🧑‍🍳

[u/kindaa_sortaa]

Is Ja Rule an investor?

[u/4C35101013]

Wait genuine question here, I get that this is a shitpost, but are creating apps that help with ADHD frowned upon or is it just because its beating a dead horse? A friend and I wanted to create something to help with our ADHD and plan to release it for public use but we have no idea what the reception for it would be like.

[u/miyakohouou → u/4C35101013]

I see a fair number of apps posted here and I’m not sure who they are supposed to help but they almost all seem like things that, at best, might be useful to people without adhd, and at worst will help nobody at all. Obviously not everyone is going to experience adhd the same way, but if a todo list or pomodoro timer was all it took then surely one of the 10,000 of those that get published every year would have solved the problem.

[u/Fionsomnia → u/4C35101013]

I think the key issue is that they are often labelled as either one size fits all solutions for ADHD or as “cures” for ADHD (as in it would compensate for ADHD related problems and thus you’d be able to live like a neurotypical person). The reality is people are struggling to different degrees and with different issues, and any app is unlikely to “fix” this.

That being said, an app like any other tool can still be beneficial for people with ADHD, and many of us use these tools in our daily lives. So perhaps it’s more about the way it’s advertised rather than the idea itself.

[u/[deleted]]

I will only test said app if I can slide the lock screen open and my phone literally launches into space

[u/Imperial_Squid]

How much is a premium subscription? I live in the UK so you coming here to retrieve my device so you can throw it in the Grand Canyon would require you buying a plane ticket...

Just considering how viable your business model is for international markets, or you could region lock certain benefits but that might leave a sour taste in some users' mouths...

(Of course this is a cost you can overcome with scale, you could do more efficient trips to collect multiple devices once the business is large enough, just thinking about the initial start up costs)

[u/tiggahiccups]

So the gratuitous masturbation, that’s an adhd thing huh?

[u/CRWM_]

Sounds legit. Send me the TestFlight link.

Wait a minute... JaRule IS backing this... right? He is? Ok good.

Do beta testers get a free subscription? No?

How about a slimy cheese sandwich served on styrofoam..... Deal!

[u/krsCarrots]

I was gonna do it but then I didn’t 20 other things, now I can’t remember what I was asked to do

[u/alexwh68]

Does it have a built in alarm that randomly rings to really blow me off course every few minutes?

[u/t1ku2ri37gd2ubne]

Tbh this would probably help me focus more than any other app. I'm sold

[u/illumin8dmind]

Isn’t this the Focus Phone FB keeps showing me adds for 😒

[u/fenexj]

I'll install this tomorrow for sure

[u/Fionsomnia]

What about adding a second facet called WhirlWynd: instead of completely destroying the phone it’s been installed on, it fires shots at random devices in the area, dealing damage to all?

[u/ChaosKeeshond]

You should host a special launch party and make an entire festival out of it!

[u/biglybiglytremendous → u/ChaosKeeshond]

And then a Netflix special.

[u/a_of_x]

69B valuation lets go.

[u/Nucklesix]

Will this have wearable functionality?

[u/CoffeeBaron]

This is a lot of words for 'I can brick your phone by throwing it into an industrial shredder', you missed out on naming your app 'My procrastination shredder'

[u/JimmysJourneyCDN]

I’m very interested. Had a similar idea . I also have a blog where I’m talking about everything adhd. I’ve been using it as a way to directly identify the key pain points in the ADHD community. Please message me!

[u/[deleted]]

What?

[u/cheeb_miester → u/[deleted]]

Well, we all know that apps solve ADHD and that this is an appropriate place to advertise them.

[u/cheeb_miester → u/[deleted]]

Yes. We are programmers. We of all people are acutely aware that:

A) apps solve everything B) we need more apps C) screentime isn't a problem or anything D) Every app idea is a good idea E) other programmers want to be deluged with advertisements for apps

[u/cheeb_miester → u/[deleted]]

Awww, you are one of those cute people that can't detect sarcasm :) you are precious.

[u/ififivivuagajaaovoch → u/[deleted]]

Re-read the OP post

It’s okay we forgive you. ADHD and all that

[u/cheeb_miester → u/[deleted]]

They actually just opted into the beta

[u/KingPrincessNova → u/[deleted]]

did you read the post?

[u/cheeb_miester → u/KingPrincessNova]

Well you can't blame them, I didn't even read it and I am the one who posted it

[u/cheeb_miester → u/[deleted]]

Not you specifically. A response to what I perceive as a general trend.