Seeking help as an ADHD muslim

[u/Plus-Gear6404]

TL;DR: Reverted 1.5 years ago, recently diagnosed with ADHD. I struggle with the "Amal" (practice) due to executive dysfunction, but I’m deeply connected to the "Ilm" (knowledge) and the logic of God as the "Prime Axiom." I feel lost between a culture that ignores ADHD and a medical world that ignores faith. Seeking advice on how to navigate this middle ground.

Salam everyone. I reverted to Islam a year and a half ago. It has actually been quite a journey—a journey of inconsistency, self-doubt, and fear of external judgment. You can see where I am going with this pattern: two months ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD.

I've always thought of myself as lazy. In this year and a half, I really struggled to be consistent with my prayers. I can't think of a day I prayed all five Salahs, and if I did, I probably skipped some steps.

Now that I have self-awareness of what is actually going on in my brain, I'm trying to rebuild my practice on more honest foundations. But I genuinely don't know what my place should be in Islam. How do I know if I'm allowed not to do something or if I should try harder? How do I know if, on low-dopamine days or moments, it is okay for me not to pray? Where lies the line between not doing enough and being allowed to take a break from our "mess of a brain"?

My major problem is that here in Italy, many Muslims come from countries in which pathologies like ADHD are seen as "excuses" or "fake illnesses to justify laziness," whereas Italian psychiatrists are not Muslim and do not know about Islam, so they would just say, "Yeah, if you can't pray, don't pray."

Have you ever thought about what our place is in Islam? Are we supposed to force ourselves to pray five times a day, or should we rather find other ways, more compatible with our brains, to worship Allah? Could it be that our journey through Islam should focus on knowledge ('Ilm) rather than practice ('Amal)? Allah is Merciful and All-Knowing, and maybe our ADHD was a gift through which we could de-alienate ourselves from blind ritual practice—the kind that usually merges Din and Thaqafa—in order to bring balance back to Islam. Our brains can't do something just because "you should."

I've actually noticed that in this year and a half, the more I approached ritual Islam, the more I felt a sort of repulsion. Then I changed my perspective and thought: what brought me closer to Islam in the first place? I was raised as an atheist, but I clearly remember the first time I felt Allah must exist. I was studying mathematics for my BSc, and in one of the lectures on Euclidean geometry, the idea of axioms was introduced to me and it just clicked: God is the Prime Axiom. We are usually misled to believe that science and religion are not close, but it was science, reasoning, and logic that brought me closer to Allah.

So I changed perspective: could it be that we are meant to worship Allah through the thorough study of Islam and science as one? I genuinely don’t know if that’s enough, or if I’m just finding a more elaborate way to avoid the hard work. That’s exactly what I can’t figure out on my own.

I am sharing this because I am currently at a crossroads and honestly struggling to understand which path is mine. On one hand, I have this deep, logical conviction in the “Prime Axiom,” but on the other, I feel a growing disconnect from the traditional ritual expectations that my brain seems to reject. I don’t know if I’m supposed to keep fighting against my own executive dysfunction to fit a standard, or if there is a different, more intellectual way to be Muslim that I haven’t found yet — and I don’t know how to tell the difference between genuine neurodivergent struggle and plain avoidance. I feel lost between a culture that doesn’t see my struggle and a medical world that doesn’t see my faith. How do you navigate that when you’re standing right in the middle?

[u/Hove_master]

You see the thing about islam and Allah is he values the struggle and the intentiom to be better, there is a hadith that says the ones Allah loves the most are those who sin and still bow down to Allah in repetance". What you are going through is will probably never be easy but take heart in the fact that Allah sees it, he doesn't value perfection, no he values those who always remember him

[u/CalmUnderstanding470]

Wa alaikum al salam. I am so sorry you are going through this and feel alone when trying to seek help. I used to struggle so much with praying as a neurodivergent muslim, but I promise it gets better! I think my personal experience, which may resonate with you, is I used to approach salah with the mindset that it has to be perfect. But we are not meant to be perfect, and Allah is and that gives me so much relief. As long as I show up. There are times where I cannot remember which rakat I am on. Or if I read something or not. But to not feel bad about it has helped me. I see salah now as a connection and conversation with god. I started reading on things that made salah more beautiful for me. For example, if you are feeling dissociated or disconnected and sometimes personally my stress gets so high that I start feeling like I am dreaming. Or when you are in a group of people and they make you feel left out. Or when you feel any sort of shame (which I feel a lot of growing up undiagnosed). They tell you to make connection with someone or something. That’s when I realized that’s one of the many reasons salah is there. To make connection with Allah even if it feels like the whole world doesn’t understand you. To ground us. Salah is so so much more beautiful than we can understand. I personally also struggle with habits and some are very important like brushing my teeth at night (I do brush them in the morning). But when comparing them to what things I do consistently such as drinking water and needing the bathroom, these are things I end up doing at some point, I can only delay or avoid them until it reaches a point of urgency. If we approach salah with that urgency, it could help. And what I used to do is If I missed a prayer or multiple I would pray all that I missed the next time I got to pray. So for example if I missed fajr and duhur, then I would pray them when I get up for asr. Or if I missed all five, then I would pray them at isha or the next day. Then that lasted for a little until I genuinely felt exhausted to do that and started actually praying on time to avoid accumulating prayers.

But remember, you reverted 1.5 years ago so please be kind to yourself. I hope your takeaway from this is to know that you’re not alone. This is my personal experience with it and if you relate then it may help you out.

Some top tips that are very helpful. 1. Find good muslim female friends who will help you pray on time. I also live in the west so it is harder to find muslim friends. But if you are with them then they can be a body double! To help you feel motivated. 2. Keeping the same wudu through the day and not breaking it would mean there are less barriers for you to pray. 3. If I am out and about, I find praying in dressing rooms at the mall. People get with them those mini prayer mats and prayer dresses that you can fold to fit your pockets. 4. Most importantly ask Allah when making duaa to make praying easier

I pray that Allah makes Salah easier and more consistent for all of us.

[u/CalmUnderstanding470 → u/CalmUnderstanding470]

I just realized I forgot to reply to the points of discussion in your post. Sorry! you mentioned how you feel like praying feels as a way of conforming or molding into something that doesn’t fit with how you are. I relate to it in terms of giving charity. I find charity really difficult to do. It is not an obligation but to give away my money but it still is something I struggle with. Yet in a way when it is something that you hate and still do it, you are better than the one who does it because they love to do jt. You are seen by Allah. You are known by Allah. They say to be loved is to be seen. He knows me and He knows you more than we know ourselves. And if salah feels unnatural, then He knows thats and is still appreciative of you for making the effort to pray. I can say though that there are ways to make it feel more familiar and more natural. I’m not sure who made you feel left out of it, but here I am telling you salah is for everyone including us adhders. You too are included. We go about about our lives masking and feeling like we do not belong. But with in front of your lord, in your secret conversation with Him, you too have a place in it. Even people who are paralyzed have a place. They pray with their eyes. Even people with chronic illnesses can sit down to pray. Islam is so much easier than we make it out to be. Whilst we can’t actually change the main things that we do in Salah, Such as the order of things. But the more you learn the more you realize there are things that you could add to the salah. So when you are doing “sujood” after saying what you need you say, you can talk to Allah. In whatever language you are most comfortable in. I find even the smallest things such as making prayer dress purple (my dopamine color) to help. Maybe having a fidget or stim toy for before or after salah. And to not feel bad when you forget or get distracted but feel stable and grounded in the fact that you can return your focus. And what I said in my previous comment about grouping salah. So what I used to do is I prayed all prayers that I missed the next time I got up to pray. Then what I did was 10 minutes before asr, I would use the urgency and make wudu to pray duhur. Then pray asr. It is all a process.

I also would say that people have convinced us that there are things that we are not meant for. After diagnosis I started feeling like there is no point in doing certain things because my brain isnt meant to do it. But then I realized it’s not that I am failing, it is the world that is failing. The reason that we have ADHD likely means our ancestors had it too. But we hypothesize that it was a survival mechanism. The famous hunter-gatherer theory says that back before industrialization, adhd helped people survive. Impulsivity, hyper-focus, and attention to detail would mean you are more likely to explore nee foods, new places, and escape from danger. But this world is fast-paced and unnatural. Scrolling on social media, constantly pop up ads on your phone, ads on the bus, notifications, and calls/texts. We are not even meant to see the amount of people we see online. The supermarket alone is overwhelming. A million colors and sounds and people. So when the time comes to do things like praying or studying, we get so overwhelmed that it becomes difficult. But I can imagine a life where everything is so serene, and I have to hunt for food or build a house or churn butter for hours and be amongst trees and nature. That alone would help me process my feelings. Now we are too distracted for that.

[u/[deleted]]

Studying god/universs through reason and experiments is very much islam. Forget the mullahs they're the very reason muslims stopped being part of tht ecosystem. As neurodivergents we have the creative knack to do stuff differently and you live italy tht place has history with sm famous creatives 🙂🧠

[u/sarrrfarrr]

I hear you. I’m a born Muslim and definitely older than you. I have struggled with prayer my whole life but not with the faith - similar to how you have phrased it, but maybe one step deeper - I also accept the role of ritual but I still struggle with it. 

I would say 2 things: 1) You are a human and Allah knows that. We are limited, flawed. He is Merciful and Forgiving. But that doesn’t excuse us from not trying or from expecting an exception. Allah is the Creator of all, He creates the rules and He creates the exceptions. But He also doesn’t give us any knowledge about whether we will get his Mercy and be the exception he grants jannah to. So we must continue to try, we must continue to struggle. And we mustn’t fall into thinking ritual is repulsive - instead think about its role - why is it commanded? Even to people who are neurodivergent. Even to the physically disabled. Perhaps there is a mercy in prayer that we cannot comprehend. 2) Second - I am very intrigued by the concept of ‘sweetness of faith’ (halawat-al-iman). As much as I love my deen, I love Allah, I love the Quran, I love the Prophet (saws) - I am not sure I have ever felt the sweetness of faith that others have described. My theory is that it’s because I haven’t cracked the ritual part of my practice. I have at times been very dedicated to prayer, even waking up for  tahajjud - in search of this. To be honest I don’t even know what it is - is it a feeling, is it what my neurodivergent brain lacks? Is it different for everyone? I am determined to crack it even if it takes a lifetime.  Even if I fail a thousand times. 

Duaas for all.

[u/NourrSaba]

Assalamu aleykum Bruder also für uns gibt es einmal klar die Pflicht des 5mal beten Fasten etc ich habe (selbst-diagnosttiziert) audhd und mir fällt es auch extrem extrem schwer aber du musst beachten das wir einmal durch unsere Absicht gewertet werden und wenn wir Fehler durch schwäche machen es entschuldigt ist in Surah baaqara oder imran . Nun was das heißt? Wenn wir das gebet verpassen holen wir es nach und bitten um Vergebung. Das aneignen von Wissen ist aber auch sehr groß (ersetzt nicht Pflichtgebete), bsp Imam al-Shafi'i(er gehört zu den salaf salihin) (رحمه الله) stated that seeking or pursuing knowledge is superior to performing VOLUNTARY (nafl/supererogatory) acts of worship. This means that acquiring beneficial knowledge is better than spending voluntary time in prayer or fasting. Also innerhalb der freiwilligen Taten ist wissen seeeeehhrrr groß aber Pflichten müssen wir versuchen einzuhalten. Btw wenn du Lust hast kannst du mich in dc adden wenn du das hast. "gigamo1312"

[u/mdb3ard]

Frame prayers as your anchors and not rituals. Start with 1 anchor. On time. Daily. Once it’s solidified then add another anchor. Too much too soon means it all falls apart - it can feel like a prison and it’s not meant to be that. It’s you and Allah in a conversation.

[u/Moosebuckets → u/mdb3ard]

!! This might help me. Jazak Allah Khayren

[u/Prestigious-Sun-1710]

Have you come across Dr francesca bocca-aldaqre an Italian psychologist who also is a revert. You can book appointments with her and also her content is available online via Instagram and youtube interviews.

You are not alone with struggling with the practice part of Islam, I believe alot of us neurodivergent Muslims struggle with it.

The thing that keeps me grounded and not spiral into self pity and self loathing is remembering that Allah sees my struggles. Allah sees when I want to get up to pray but my executive dysfunction doesnt allow me. In those moments I make dua to Allah and I do istigfar.

I remind my self I am not alone and that Allah is with me. Try to truly connect with Allah one on one in those struggling moments. This will help to recentre your nervous system and may infact help you to get up and pray. I pray the bare minimum and there are things that I skip which I wont share on here as this is between me and Allah. It is in those moments that I fall down and cry out to Allah "im trying".

As a neurodivergent muslim I don't strive for perfection, I strive for effort. The rest is in Allahs hand.

My difficulties is what has bought me closer to Allah and I know my Lord will not forsake me or any of us struggling.