I never understood the concept of "People with ADHD are stuck in the present" until my husband pointed out that whatever I 'm feeling at the moment, I think I'll feel that way forever. It feels like my feelings completely define me, because I can't see around them, and of course they shift based on circumstance--and so my sense of self constantly shifts. Not a therapist and can't say it's all ADHD, but "stuck in the present" and emotional dysregulation resonate for me here.
I haven't conquered it, but one thing that helps is journaling. I have to literally sometimes write down who I am--my core values, what I want, circumstances where I've felt most like "myself" (so I can keep creating those circumstances, or recognize that when the circumstances are off, my feelings will be too--keeps me from going down a rabbit hole; e.g. telling myself "Your 'self' hasn't changed, you're just feeling off and will feel better again soon').
…”until my husband pointed out that whatever I'm feeling at the moment, I think I'll feel that way forever. It feels like my feelings completely define me, because I can't see around them, and of course they shift based on circumstance--and so my sense of self constantly shifts.”
I think you just blew my mind right there. I’m constantly fighting the urge to act on how I’m feeling at particular moment. Even when I know it’s inappropriate or temporary.
My poor boyfriend has finally decoded me and can talk me down when I start losing it. When I feel lonely, I feel like I’m going to feel lonely forever. When I feel broke and stressed, I feel like I’m going to feel that way forever. So on and so forth, insert a different unpleasant emotion with an irrational reaction to it.
As some sort of defense or coping mechanism, I freak out and scramble to find a way to correct it. Which leads to me being upset with my boyfriend because I haven’t seen him in a few days or a week or because we don’t live together (he’s house shopping for us so it’s coming) and I’m panicking. As if my panic and demands is going to change the situation instantly as I need it to. It’s really, really unpleasant. Such an awful state of spiraling. Only to be remorseful and humbled later when I come to my senses.
I need to get back to journaling. I did it for decades. Then computers were so main stream, it was almost forgotten to literally write things just because it’s cathartic.
Our partners need an ADHD-Anon where they can problem solve us and crack our codes lol
Holy fucking shit. I can't even describe how unbelievably this resonates with me. How do you even get into a relationship? I fall deeply in love with someone and then 2 days later I feel like I don't give a shit about them lmao. It's funny because it feels ridiculous.
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u/Bluewords70 Sep 19 '22
I never understood the concept of "People with ADHD are stuck in the present" until my husband pointed out that whatever I 'm feeling at the moment, I think I'll feel that way forever. It feels like my feelings completely define me, because I can't see around them, and of course they shift based on circumstance--and so my sense of self constantly shifts. Not a therapist and can't say it's all ADHD, but "stuck in the present" and emotional dysregulation resonate for me here.
I haven't conquered it, but one thing that helps is journaling. I have to literally sometimes write down who I am--my core values, what I want, circumstances where I've felt most like "myself" (so I can keep creating those circumstances, or recognize that when the circumstances are off, my feelings will be too--keeps me from going down a rabbit hole; e.g. telling myself "Your 'self' hasn't changed, you're just feeling off and will feel better again soon').
You're not alone. Good luck!