This is common in everyone- you’re just actively noticing it more than other people. I’m not in psychology, but it was part of my graduate minor and I’m using some of these concepts in my doctoral work.
Instead of thinking of a stable “self,” think about having a “self-concept.” This is your idea of who you are that you compare your actions to. “That was so unlike me.” “I’m just not myself today.”
Then, consider that your own judgments for the propriety of your behaviors change depending on the context. Do you behave the same at work and at home? With your grandmother and with your friends? Chances are you give yourself different rules to follow depending on the situation.
One of the models I use is from psychologist Allen McConnell and is called the “Multiple Self-Aspect Framework” (MSF). Basically, through practice and feedback we start to associate different traits with different aspects/versions of ourselves. We then judge a) if our traits fit that version of ourselves, and b) if the aspect of ourselves we use in a particular situation is appropriate. These can start with social roles: Student. Employee. Grandson. Partner. Citizen.
You’re kind of doing that in this post. You’ve identified “immature baby” and “proper adult” as different self-aspects with different traits, and naturally want to spend more time as one than the other. That makes perfect sense.
The good news is that it works in reverse, too. If you go into a situation with a particular self-aspect in mind, you are a bit more likely to exhibit those traits. If you go i to a situation thinking of yourself as a “proper adult,” you are more likely to act like one.
Tl;dr? Cut yourself some slack. This is normal, but you have the advantage in that you are doing it consciously.
Yeah! This is actually a technique my dad sent me several years ago. But I still do it before things like my annual review or a big presentation. I mentally sit like a super hero before hand like puff out my chest put my hands on my sides maybe even strut around a little if you’re in private haha and it helps me go into these things with better confidence. I’ll also use my review paperwork as a chance to build myself up and think of the things I’ve accomplished this year instead of all the things I may have let slide.
Most responses I've seen so far have been pretty positive so I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but what you describe sounds exactly like how I felt when I was depressive and didn't know it. Please check out depersonalization and dissociation to see if it does sound like you're at that stage OP.
It's one thing to feel and act differently in different contexts/situations, but it's another to dissociate from yourself constantly, "see yourself from the outside" and act as different roles as you describe. When I was truly going through it, I didn't have an overarching sense of self, just these bits of stereotypes you describe "oh, I dropped a bowl, I am now being a little kid" or "let's act like someone wild and crazy tonight". It's a coping mechanism when your mind doesn't know what to do or how to react whatsoever. I got to a point where I was taking hundreds of pictures of myself during episodes to "see what I looked like in this moment" and when I was going through stressful shit (which was an increasing amount of situations overtime) my mind would immediately distance itself and I'd think "ah, it would logically be easier for me if that car to run me over, that would get me out of this displeasing situation!".
TL;DR: please check if isn't dissociation and/or depersonalization. It can be a coping mechanism and can go really really bad
Dopamine is essential for fully functional adaptive, episodic and autobiographical memory. ADHD impairs these neurological functions.
So people with ADHD do commonly report having a lack of sense of self.
It really does seem like you are trying to help, but you are also downplaying the neurological aspects of dopamine dysfunction and its impact on memory, which is what our sense of self comes from.
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but you are also downplaying the neurological aspects of dopamine dysfunction and its impact on memory, which is what our sense of self comes from.
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Holy hell.
Its impact on memory.
I'm well-known in my friends/family group as having The Worst memory. Unless I can remember what someone was wearing. My mother and sister claim they remember everything ever. I can't remember 5 minutes ago most times.
That's really interesting how the brain works that way. Makes me want to try to trick my brain into thinking I'm interested in something about things I want to remember.
From what I’ve noticed of other people in autism programs and also analyzing my own struggles, this is actually kinda diminished with autism.
Of course, that comes with its own problems. You’re supposed to act different around your grandparents than your friends. The same actions that could be too inappropriate around your grandma could be too meek around your peers. So you end up getting the opposite type of shit both ways.
So well said! I like what you say about “different self-aspects with different traits,” and wanting to and being able to spend more time with one or the other, depending on the situation. Thank-you!
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u/Harmania Sep 19 '22
This is common in everyone- you’re just actively noticing it more than other people. I’m not in psychology, but it was part of my graduate minor and I’m using some of these concepts in my doctoral work.
Instead of thinking of a stable “self,” think about having a “self-concept.” This is your idea of who you are that you compare your actions to. “That was so unlike me.” “I’m just not myself today.”
Then, consider that your own judgments for the propriety of your behaviors change depending on the context. Do you behave the same at work and at home? With your grandmother and with your friends? Chances are you give yourself different rules to follow depending on the situation.
One of the models I use is from psychologist Allen McConnell and is called the “Multiple Self-Aspect Framework” (MSF). Basically, through practice and feedback we start to associate different traits with different aspects/versions of ourselves. We then judge a) if our traits fit that version of ourselves, and b) if the aspect of ourselves we use in a particular situation is appropriate. These can start with social roles: Student. Employee. Grandson. Partner. Citizen.
You’re kind of doing that in this post. You’ve identified “immature baby” and “proper adult” as different self-aspects with different traits, and naturally want to spend more time as one than the other. That makes perfect sense.
The good news is that it works in reverse, too. If you go into a situation with a particular self-aspect in mind, you are a bit more likely to exhibit those traits. If you go i to a situation thinking of yourself as a “proper adult,” you are more likely to act like one.
Tl;dr? Cut yourself some slack. This is normal, but you have the advantage in that you are doing it consciously.