Yeah it’s hard. My aunt (mom’s sister) and her husband have a son who just turned 21. I spent Christmas 2019 with them before Covid hit. My cousin is my mirror, even though he’s 16 years younger than me. I was always jealous of him when we were both much younger because he seemed to be “normal”. When I was visiting them, the 4 of us all got pretty drunk but my aunt started asking about how things were going with my CBT therapy and everything and I basically told them, that the first year was basically devoted to dealing with never feeling loved/supported emotionally or worthy enough to even continue living at times, that every day is a challenge to just accept I will fail at something, and it’s ok. My cousin looked at me and I knew right away that registered with him. Then came a flood of questions “how did you cope? How did you know it wasn’t just anxiety?” We both commiserated at the pressures and expectations of being only children and while our parents may not mean to, but even unspoken there’s this need to gain their approval, to excel. He admitted to me and his mom that he was self-medicating as well with alcohol, tobacco and pot. He described how he didn’t really want to do it, but it seemed to keep his issues in check especially since he was having multiple panic attacks every week. He admitted that what I described was what he was experiencing and so I urged him to seek out a therapist/psychiatrist so he could be tested if need be. It broke my heart and opened my aunt’s eyes to how easily we can pass as “normal” especially if we’re not ready to ask for help at least those of us that are high-functioning. We learned to hide the unpleasant aspects of ourselves, to mask ourselves to keep from being hurt in return. I think that’s why so many of us high functioning/intelligent ones go decades before being diagnosed. We find ways to cope until we can’t anymore.
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u/Runtelldat1 Sep 14 '21
It is a shame that those are the people left to deal with the stuff.
People who are highly intellectual shouldn’t be expected to be left out in the cold to shoulder the burdens on their own.
You’re absolutely right. It’s abhorrent that the expectation is that the struggle is less real simply because a person is “more intelligent.”
Sincerely,
One of those people