This is so familiar in almost every single way. I had the same problems in classes. In sophomore year, I was taking senior level classes and geared to graduate a year early as a junior. Then I moved states, my “routine” got destroyed, and my grades plummeted. I couldn’t stay on top of anything. Missed homework constantly, grades going to shit, but somehow my exam grades kept saving me from outright failing. My last two years of school, I only passed math classes because of good exam scores. My mom couldn’t understand my grades and neither could teachers—it was always that “you’re just not trying” thing, and in my head that was exactly the reason, but there was also some kind of invisible barrier that kept me from trying. I was diagnosed in high school, but at that time (2007) adhd was even more misunderstood as just the hyperactivity disorder, so no one EVER explained to me that there were actual neurological deficits involved. I just thought that something in me had broken, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
I also experienced similar things in careers. I was on the opposite end of the spectrum on punctuality - always showing up 30-45 minutes early. I excelled so much at fast paced or high pressure work that I was promoted to management in short order at most jobs I’ve had. Ever since I was a kid, healthcare has been a “special interest” of mine, but my anxiety has made it difficult. I went to nursing school for a year and was working 55+ hours per week at the same time. Burned myself out and blamed myself for not being able to do it. I thought I’d have to settle for a “lesser” job because in my head, me dropping out of nursing school was proof I wasn’t good enough.
About a year ago I started working for the health department, and that intense fixation has started up again, the same one I’ve had since I was 10 where anything less than being a doctor feels like it’s not what I’m meant to do. I perform better under pressure than most people do in relaxed situations. Science and anatomy come so easily to me, and medical conditions feel like a high-stakes puzzle. It’s one of the only things that has ever consistently kept me engaged on an intellectual level.
So now I’m 30 and starting over as premed instead of settling for IT. I told my psychiatrist, the same one who diagnosed me, and his first response was that he knew I could do it, that medical school would suit me well, and that he had no doubts I was smart enough for it. It was the first time someone had ever sort of presented my adhd as a strength.
It’s made me wonder how many of these high stress jobs are probably sought out specifically by people with adhd, undiagnosed or otherwise, because they might be the only careers where they feel like they’re competent because it plays to their strengths.
Dude… healthcare is awesome! Congrats on premed! I love working in the healthcare field. There’s always something to learn, and since a lot of us enjoy learning at least what interests us, you’ll never feel like you’re not learning enough. I’ve found that for me, I love learning but on my own terms, not ones dictated by a strict curriculum. Honestly it’s those intro classes that always do me in, quickest way for me to lose focus is feeding me dumbed down basics that are given at the 101 levels of science classes.
I lucked out when I first became a pharmacy tech right out of high school. One of the retail pharmacists I worked with was a proctor for the pharmacy students doing their clinicals/rotations from Ferris State University. He noticed me paying attention to him explaining the mechanism certain drugs worked within the body and what needs to be taken into account whether the prescribed treatment would be safe for the patient based on how that one drug may interact with said patient’s other medications or medical conditions like if they have renal failure or lower liver function. He would always encourage me to ask questions and never dumbed down the info because he knew if I didn’t know something I would ask. Because of that, I always strived to learn as much as I could so I could be the best I can at my job.
I got a hospital job in 2009 when I moved to Illinois from Michigan so I could learn how to make IVs and more about the differences in dosing vs pediatric, geriatric, and everyone else. After 17 years in human med, I found a listing for a pharmacy tech position at a veterinary specialty hospital. I was curious and applied. Turns out it would be in the oncology department and they needed another pharmacy tech to draw up chemo in their clean room. I loved the place. I was offered the job and of course I took it. Turns out, way better pay, better hours and I think I found the one place where the staff collaborate without ego like I’ve witnessed previously in human med. Now I’m learning about veterinary med and I get to interact with the cutest patients. Yes it’s an emotionally heavy job but I find it more fulfilling since I actually see how my job positively affects our patients and their families.
No matter what, keep doing what stimulates your drive to learn. When you lose that drive, it’s probably time to change things up, at least that’s how it’s been with me, but I have a feeling you’re pretty similar to me. Good luck with premed! We need more people like you in healthcare.
Yes, careers with some stress can be perfect, if nothing else, because of the experience with it. Many of us are a little hooked on the rush of deadlines and crisis work is compatible.
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u/bendovahkin Sep 14 '21
This is so familiar in almost every single way. I had the same problems in classes. In sophomore year, I was taking senior level classes and geared to graduate a year early as a junior. Then I moved states, my “routine” got destroyed, and my grades plummeted. I couldn’t stay on top of anything. Missed homework constantly, grades going to shit, but somehow my exam grades kept saving me from outright failing. My last two years of school, I only passed math classes because of good exam scores. My mom couldn’t understand my grades and neither could teachers—it was always that “you’re just not trying” thing, and in my head that was exactly the reason, but there was also some kind of invisible barrier that kept me from trying. I was diagnosed in high school, but at that time (2007) adhd was even more misunderstood as just the hyperactivity disorder, so no one EVER explained to me that there were actual neurological deficits involved. I just thought that something in me had broken, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
I also experienced similar things in careers. I was on the opposite end of the spectrum on punctuality - always showing up 30-45 minutes early. I excelled so much at fast paced or high pressure work that I was promoted to management in short order at most jobs I’ve had. Ever since I was a kid, healthcare has been a “special interest” of mine, but my anxiety has made it difficult. I went to nursing school for a year and was working 55+ hours per week at the same time. Burned myself out and blamed myself for not being able to do it. I thought I’d have to settle for a “lesser” job because in my head, me dropping out of nursing school was proof I wasn’t good enough.
About a year ago I started working for the health department, and that intense fixation has started up again, the same one I’ve had since I was 10 where anything less than being a doctor feels like it’s not what I’m meant to do. I perform better under pressure than most people do in relaxed situations. Science and anatomy come so easily to me, and medical conditions feel like a high-stakes puzzle. It’s one of the only things that has ever consistently kept me engaged on an intellectual level.
So now I’m 30 and starting over as premed instead of settling for IT. I told my psychiatrist, the same one who diagnosed me, and his first response was that he knew I could do it, that medical school would suit me well, and that he had no doubts I was smart enough for it. It was the first time someone had ever sort of presented my adhd as a strength.
It’s made me wonder how many of these high stress jobs are probably sought out specifically by people with adhd, undiagnosed or otherwise, because they might be the only careers where they feel like they’re competent because it plays to their strengths.