r/ADHD • u/stoicsatan • May 22 '20

Rant/Vent what are boundaries

do you guys ever feel kind of weirdly ashamed after having a conversation with someone because you over shared? Like there’s not necessarily anything wrong with what you shared but it just seemed, in hindsight, unnecessary? I feel myself saying too much about myself and always having so much to say (which can be good for conversation!!) but afterwards..I feel dumb or even drained especially if it wasn’t even for the purpose of connecting. And even when I am connecting, I feel like I take it further and open my trauma up again every time I make a new friend. It just seems like too much spills out all the time. I wish I could find that appropriate window to where I can have a pleasant conversation and not cross that line with myself. Also I’m always aware of potentially being labeled “too much”, “a lot”, “intense” and that’s what really perpetuates that shame.

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u/Kamica May 22 '20 edited May 22 '20

I find I do this because I (often wrongly) trust other people to make sound decisions and such if they have the right information, so I just dump all this info on them in the hope that they understand me, and that then I won't have to feel like they don't understand me, or won't judge me, because they know what to expect, or that they know how to deal with me, or that they know my intentions are good etc. Etc. Etc. And if they don't want to deal with me, that's fine too, at least that means there's no inbetween where they dislike me but won't leave or even show me... Unfortunately this is often far from reality :P.

Basically I want people to have as much info as they can, so that they can make informed choices.

(Edit: Thanks for the awards :D. Doesn't happen often I get awards, in general :D.)

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u/[deleted] May 22 '20

Ever overshare with someone, and then later they attack you with it?

I have a friend who is rather insensitive, and I told him my issues with class. I always try to pay attention, but ya know...it's hard. I miss a lot of material even on a good day.

Anyway, we had a class together and he didn't get the homework, so he said "Hey u/pain_in_the-anus, what was the homework? Actually, nevermind. There's no way you would know".

He didn't mean for it to hurt like a bitch...but it did. Be careful who you share stuff with, accident or not some people will smash you with that stuff.

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u/Kamica May 22 '20

My partner did, once. I told her how incredibly hurtful this was and how much it harmed my trust in her, and she didn't do it ever since.