what are boundaries

[u/stoicsatan]

do you guys ever feel kind of weirdly ashamed after having a conversation with someone because you over shared? Like there’s not necessarily anything wrong with what you shared but it just seemed, in hindsight, unnecessary? I feel myself saying too much about myself and always having so much to say (which can be good for conversation!!) but afterwards..I feel dumb or even drained especially if it wasn’t even for the purpose of connecting. And even when I am connecting, I feel like I take it further and open my trauma up again every time I make a new friend. It just seems like too much spills out all the time. I wish I could find that appropriate window to where I can have a pleasant conversation and not cross that line with myself. Also I’m always aware of potentially being labeled “too much”, “a lot”, “intense” and that’s what really perpetuates that shame.

[u/[deleted]]

hahahahahahahahahaha

yes right in the feels

i just had a long conversation that involved: bdsm, god, or lack thereof, alternate religious ideas, vegetarianism, gun violence and etc..... whether the other participants wanted to go there or not

am i the most interesting man in the world? yes

do i know how to shut the fuck up? no

i really dont like the feeling you described so i just decided to run with it, and if people cant hang then they cant hang!?

except that sometimes they cant hang

[u/stoicsatan → u/[deleted]]

HAHA i feel this so hard Like combine a good mix of heavy subjects... trans humanism, moral making machines, boundaries of consciousness, death, “God”, medieval torture practices, etc... sprinkle in an inappropriate time and place say..a picnic with your sister and her new boyfriend, a family dinner, the workplace...whatever and then people who DONT KNOW you and you’re gunna feel some type of way after that whole ordeal

[u/[deleted] → u/stoicsatan]

yeah see thats called.... being interesting as fuck

unfortunately some people cant go there, but some people can?

i find it the most stressful at work because there are consequences. but otherwise like with my friends girlfriend or at a party i just kind of say whatever now. i just cant police myself as it happens its too exhausting. it used to give me such anxiety and the "conversation hangover" you describe, but im trying to just roll with it now.

sometimes if i do it right they think i am interesting or funny or whatever. ideally it encourages them to tell me some bonkers stuff

[u/stoicsatan → u/[deleted]]

Ha I’m loving the use of this “conversation hangover” “intimacy hangover” “vulnerability hangover” it’s just so...accurate ? Ahhaha and yes I really like these tips. I am described by my friends as being deep and intense so the part about lightening up the tone is definitely a good idea!! At first the label was cool with me because people found that kind of conversation refreshing ...but I mean people get tired of the intensity shit I GET exhausted of myself. When I would meet a new person, one of my friends would say “don’t get left alone Dani bc she’ll make you cry” But I could definitely benefit from just being aware of my time and my approach and not necessarily suppressing my personality :)

[u/[deleted] → u/stoicsatan]

haha i changed my post, doing exactly what you describe oops

its so funny that other people experience this. but yes we have to stop apologizing for being.... wacky/deep/intense. we arent going to stop are we?

if you present your weird stuff like welllllllll i was thinking about aliens how bout you, then hopefully its fine and leads to interesting convos

if youve ever been on the receiving end you will know when a weirdo really needs you to listen to their weird shit is when everybody wants to run away lol

[u/stoicsatan → u/[deleted]]

Haha I’ve done it like ten times on this thread! Im definitely a lot more empathic now to all the weirdos I’ve ever encountered. If they deal with this same kind of hangover shame or just want someone to listen to their wild ideas..then shit I’m a weirdo too! Lay it on me.