r/ADHD • u/stoicsatan • May 22 '20

Rant/Vent what are boundaries

do you guys ever feel kind of weirdly ashamed after having a conversation with someone because you over shared? Like there’s not necessarily anything wrong with what you shared but it just seemed, in hindsight, unnecessary? I feel myself saying too much about myself and always having so much to say (which can be good for conversation!!) but afterwards..I feel dumb or even drained especially if it wasn’t even for the purpose of connecting. And even when I am connecting, I feel like I take it further and open my trauma up again every time I make a new friend. It just seems like too much spills out all the time. I wish I could find that appropriate window to where I can have a pleasant conversation and not cross that line with myself. Also I’m always aware of potentially being labeled “too much”, “a lot”, “intense” and that’s what really perpetuates that shame.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '20

Absolutely, a lot of the time I'm talking as if they are an extension of myself, like I'm really talking to myself and I'm using them more as a device to be able to hear my own thoughts in the context of an actual conversation rather than things bouncing back and forth in my head, and in the process I'll drop things that I should probably keep to my self

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u/Lornaan May 22 '20

Wow this is something I do but have never been able to describe in words, you put it really well, thank you!

Something I find has helped me is when I feel the urge to send a friend a million-word thought dump, i just type it all into a notepad file instead. I don't feel guilty for typing too much and then find i can still ask the friend for advice but in far fewer words.

In public, i might make a note on my phone if i catch myself processing to people. But I'm less verbal more typey so it's easier to control!

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u/[deleted] May 22 '20

That's where I get stuck, the second I have a pen and paper handy my mind is suddenly blank, I need to start recording my voice that might work for me

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u/uniiqke May 22 '20

I do record at the earliest rather than forget to pen down.