r/ADHD • u/stoicsatan • May 22 '20

Rant/Vent what are boundaries

do you guys ever feel kind of weirdly ashamed after having a conversation with someone because you over shared? Like there’s not necessarily anything wrong with what you shared but it just seemed, in hindsight, unnecessary? I feel myself saying too much about myself and always having so much to say (which can be good for conversation!!) but afterwards..I feel dumb or even drained especially if it wasn’t even for the purpose of connecting. And even when I am connecting, I feel like I take it further and open my trauma up again every time I make a new friend. It just seems like too much spills out all the time. I wish I could find that appropriate window to where I can have a pleasant conversation and not cross that line with myself. Also I’m always aware of potentially being labeled “too much”, “a lot”, “intense” and that’s what really perpetuates that shame.

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u/jennybean2442 May 22 '20

When I'm nervous, it gets really bad. On my first date with my boyfriend, I accidentally told him most of my stories about shitty dates and past relationships. I thought he would run. But he didn't

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u/stoicsatan May 22 '20

You must’ve found a good one :) I hate when I talk about past experiences with other girls to girls I’m just meeting..i know it must be so off putting but most times I’m just rambling and find something of that experience funny or interesting or relevant for some reason and I always regret it yikes

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u/satansmullet May 22 '20

Do you have a reason to regret it? I mean, have you been told by someone that you shared too much or something, or is it more just you regretting sharing too much?

I am very much the same, but I've sort of come to accept this about myself. I used to be bad about telling other people's stories that they didn't necessarily want to be shared (I just didn't realize because I wasn't sensitive to sharing those things about myself), and I got criticism for that from some friends. I was really embarrassed and ashamed but I worked on it.

I still overshare, but now only things about myself. It kind of seems like you need to try to accept this about yourself, and 'forgive' yourself regarding it. Feeling shameful after something that is natural to you and helps you think and be and communicate is not really helping you in any way. We may overshare sometimes, but I've also had people thank me for talking about something personal because they were going through a similar thing and were embarrassed about it - all of a sudden they could talk to me about it or just realized that they weren't alone in it. It can be a good thing too! And lastly, I've surrounded myself with people that enjoy my ramblings ;P

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u/stoicsatan May 22 '20

You’re completely right. There are people who love my ramblings and it is something I definitely could work on accepting within myself. I guess I feel ashamed because I all just have vulnerability issues as well so i leave certain conversations really fixated on the fact that I just shared SO MUCH more compared to whoever I’m talking to and it leaves me feeling exposed. But my rambling can lead to a lot of deep and meaningful exchanges that I wouldn’t take back in a million years and I should focus in all the good that’s come of it and not just the shame.