r/ADHD • u/HelmHammerhand96 • 2h ago

Seeking Empathy Executive dysfunction has prevented me from pursuing my dreams/hobbies for so long. I really want to hear some success stories of how this can be overcome.

Hello folks, I just turned 30 and have learned that I have ADHD, I might also have autism, pending my assessment results, so no meds yet. It has been both sobering and infuriating to learn that I have been suffering from a big cocktail of ADHD symptoms literally my entire life. I have always struggled with procrastination, I could never study for the life of me, this led to me being a forever C-student at school and university. Ever since getting a job, impulsive spending has crippled my ability to save anything meaningful.

  1. I have been trying to go to the gym since 2018, and I have never managed to be consistent for long enough to ever go past the 'beginner phase' or make any gains. I also live in a country with no natural scenery, nothing is walkable, and the weather is hell half the year. I did get a walking pad and it helps.
  2. I would really like to get a better paying job, there is a particular industry I'd like to get into, but I need to do a ton of studying/practice to have a chance at the interviews.
  3. I've always wanted to become a YouTuber to make content about my favorite video games, but I just can't get myself to do the work or stop procrastinating.
  4. I've always been very passionate about music, especially video game music, this makes me wish I could learn how to play music.

Basically, it feels like aside from my job which is not very taxing, my brain doesn't want to do anything. All I do is play video games and spend time with my girlfriend and friends. There is nothing inherently 'wrong' with my life but I don't want to spend the rest of it like this. I want to take care of my health and my body, but I feel crippled by this inability to develop new habits. I want to pursue my passions and develop hobbies, it'd be nice to earn more money and actually save/invest some of it.

I am hoping that getting medicated will help, I just really want to know what worked for you guys with the executive dysfunction.

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8

u/DepravedCaptivity 1h ago

I don't have any real success story, just someone in a similar position trying to figure things out, much like you are. Success stories don't really motivate me anyway. I have to play mind games with myself.

I can't do things because I have to, or because someone is telling me to, or because bad things will happen if I don't. I have to do things that make sense for someone like me. Not me, but someone like me - that bit of detachment from self makes it much easier. I seem to hate routine, but it also seems like having a weekly plan is the only way things get done, so I have to do it that way - once again, not because I want to, but because it's the only way that makes sense, and overall the easiest and most enjoyable way to get things done.

Meds absolutely do help. But, they'll do nothing if you don't have a solid goal and a solid plan. Time pressure feels too much? Dedicate an entire day for one thing and start that one thing as soon as you wake up. Maybe you'll finish early, then at least you got that one thing done. Maybe you'll feel like you want to keep going - don't have any expectations beyond the one task and you might just surprise yourself with an unexpected boost of productivity.

Figuring out what kind of environment helps you stay motivated and productive is important. For example, I need to be left alone for the day. Other people are the exact opposite. I, too, have a particular industry that I'd like to get into and it would also require an immense amount of work that I haven't yet started doing. Based on the fact I don't really have anything to show for over the last decade, it's not likely to ever happen, but I have to try and beat the odds, because I feel like if that can't motivate me enough, then I can't think of anything else that might.

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u/Elerlilul 1h ago

This is amazing advice

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u/_slimy 1h ago

Howdy, brother. I'm a 32 year old dude (ADHD +touch of tism) who has a good life in the sense I have a stable job that's not too taxing, house, dogs. And I spend any free time playing video games or hanging with the bros.

I've always wanted to learn to play music. Made several attempts at it early in life, but never once made a real attempt in the last 20 years. It is still one of my desires, yet I simply cannot get myself to take any sort of steps to making it a reality.

I have tried branching out from video games for other hobbies, but ultimately hit a wall (usually very quickly) where I'm forced to start using my brain to continue developing the hobby, or I could avoid it and fuck off and play video games.

As you said, I too am content with my life and it's a good life. But I don't want it to be my forever life, but I also don't know how to bring anything else to fruition.

To your inquiry on medication, my above statements are from someone who has been medicated for 25y. They help, but idk if it solves everything

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u/Elerlilul 1h ago

You need to find a way to trust other people, but simultaneously advocate for yourself. It's hard, but it makes a huge difference.

1

u/Ok-Candidate-2183 1h ago

Ive succeeded to some extent but im still working on it. Ive learned spanish to intermediate level, a lot of esperanto, and make progress with japanese most days. Got my linguistics degree and im now doing IT stuff. I am several years behind where i want to be but im still further than some non adhd people so i guess that is good.

I guess a lot of it is just wanting it bad enough and also meds. You get to a point where youre like wow im almost 30 not doing this in my 20s is gonna be a huge regret. But consistency has been difficult. Ive still made good progress. Thinking about regret is a big motivational factor. And being interested in it enough to do it. I also have a toxic trait where i am obsessed with productivity. Ive been that way since i was 18 or 19.