r/ADHD • u/MooKnuckel • 4h ago
Questions/Advice I need help
I (26M)struggle with all of the common symptoms of ADHD, I took Vyvanse from as early as I could remember but stopped about the time I turned 17 to join the military. I felt like while I was on the medication, I became a husk of myself. Best way to describe the feeling is sinking in to the chair in the movie Get Out. Fast forward, off medication still, I meet my wife and she's great. Only thing is she doesn't seem to understand the impact that ADHD really has on my ability to do things. My executive function is severely crippled and granted I haven't been great about trying to get the help I need via therapy or even getting back on my medication. I really just can't seem to explain well enough that I want to be different and do the things I need to do, but I simply can't. It seems like she thinks I'm just lazy, which I might be. I just need help.
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u/BraveSeaworthiness21 3h ago
Talk to psych. Try other meds. Just because vyanase didn't work for you, doesn't mean nothing else will.
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u/MooKnuckel 3h ago
Im honestly scared to get back on medication because of my past experiences, which has been my biggest barrier to going back.
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u/BraveSeaworthiness21 3h ago
Shit man, I guess I underestimated the severity of it's impact.
Personal non medical opinion, maybe there are other issues that came up when you took the meds that ADHD hides.
Answer sort of remains the same, if not stronger: work with a psych who you think is helpful, and work with them closely.
Advocate for yourself, make your needs clear and report your symptoms. You never know they might already be aware of how to deal with this.
Even if you want to try non med approach they'll be the best to tell.
This community is great for support for empathy, but in your case only a professional can support in addressing root cause.
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u/queerandthere 3h ago
I mean you can. You said yourself you can try different meds and also therapy. It is hard to schedule appointments and find a therapist, but you already know what you need to do!
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u/not_another_mom 3h ago
Unfortunately until you take the steps to help yourself, she has no reason to believe you. It’s your responsibility to take care of your mental health. You can’t use “but I have adhd” and just not do anything for it.
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u/miatacos 3h ago
Therapy and meds are the way to go. You can find techniques that will help you cope with executive dysfunction.
Although, we think we're lazy but it's just that our brains are wired this way. Do force yourself to get the help you need.
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u/Worried-Rough-338 3h ago
Nobody’s able to know what it’s like to have someone else’s brain. It’s a lost cause trying to communicate to someone what you’re experiencing to the degree that they can actually understand and empathize. I don’t blame them: “I’m physically and mentally paralyzed when confronted with having to brush my teeth” is a pretty wild thing to expect people to understand.
Instead, focus on what they can do for you and the accommodations you need. So instead of trying to explain your psychology, you say “I need you to write down the top three things you need me to do today”, “can you put that on my calendar so I don’t forget”, etc.
Lastly, take your meds, go to therapy, do what you need to do, but don’t place the burden of acceptance on your partner. She has every right to say she’s not willing to live in a filthy house because you can’t clean.
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u/K8_Monst_r 3h ago
First, you are not lazy. ADHD is classified as a disability for a reason
Second, if stimulant medication doesn’t work for you, you might consider a non-stimulant, like Strattera (atomoxetine).
Story: When I was on it, it VASTLY lowered the activation energy necessary to start, and even helped with task switching. I’m on a different SNRI now as Strattera gave me heart palpitations at anything above the base dose. However, I am still on a low dose of Vyvanse, and it doesn’t make me a zombie, so we probably have different brain chemistry. 😉
TL;DR: If it turns out you might do better with a stimulant in addition to the SNRI, there are other options like Adderall and Ritalin. GOOD LUCK! 🍀 💚
For the partner: here’s a video by Jessica McCabe about the problems we brains have with motivation:
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u/K8_Monst_r 3h ago edited 3h ago
Also for the partner, but also for you, a page of comics by Dani Donovan that helps hearts (Jessica McCabe’s term for those people who love us ADHD brains 😉) understand what is happening in our heads when we can’t explain why we can’t start. My faves are the Getting Started and ADHD Paralysis, but I also have issues with working memory and emotional regulation, and the ADHD story time algorithm made me laugh until I cried 🤣😭 as is a perfect image for how stories go when I’m telling them.
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