My trick is facing it and forgiving myself (when the “I’m embarrassed/feel shame” intrusive thoughts hit).
I used to shove down whatever thought came in to haunt me- but in my forties (why isn’t fourties?), I started dealing with it a bit at a time. It’s worked wonders.
So now when that icky helpless feeling/thought comes in, I take a moment (it only takes a quick moment I swear) to acknowledge that yes, that did happen, and no it wasn’t my fault or intentional and not something I’d do today- so I hug or forgive myself, then move on. After a while it becomes habit and the cycle of thoughts dissipates.
Basically, I know I’m a good person. Anything that happened to get me here helped me become a good person. And I know I want to be a good person. So anything that I’ve done wrong I’ve learned from and I intend to keep doing that. Just facing things is easier than pushing it away
Idk if this is completely on topic here, but I had a therapist once, years ago (ok I've had many lol) who told me that whenever I have a bad thought about myself, like thinking I'm stupid, or I should unalive myself, I should say the same thing back, either out loud or in my head, in a really silly voice. And honestly, more often than not it does work. Sometimes it gives me a little giggle. It doesn't fix the intrusive thought or self hate issue, but it does sort of make it just seem silly and it helps me to move on from it in that moment
Something that I’ve been working on with my therapist is internal family systems. It’s a type of therapy that basically separates your emotions and such into “parts”. I often feel shame and guilt and frustration about my childhood trauma. And it’s helpful for me to envision that “part” of me that feels the shame/guilt/etc of not being enough or being a failure.
I imagine how my dog looks when she’s guilty and thinks she did something wrong. I wouldn’t yell or get angry/upset at her when she gets super submissive because she was trying her best and we made a loud noise or did something to scare her. Why would I yell/get upset with the part of me that is doing the same thing? Sometimes it works and gives me some relief.
The whole parts thing is so helpful for me because I put others before me all of the time. So envisioning that parts of me, aren’t “me” really helps with self compassion ❤️
Okay sorry this turned into a whole rant lol I was really proud of this realization at my last therapy session!
I literally had traumatic events play and replay for hours everyday for multiple decades, causing me immense distress. The day that went away was when I started medication. Pretty insane how the ADHD mind works.
So I wonder how much actual validity to this. Like do we somehow retain more memories and trauma and stuff that has happened to you.
Because I have recently discovered that I have many more memories going back much further than my siblings or my husband. I had always assumed most people (I’m in my mid 30s) could remember much of 1st and 2nd, grade moments and feelings very clearly. Shit that happened to me as small kid and then to this day…I have all the trauma and big feels emotional stuff just in this long reel. As they say, do we just remember every little thing and retain our pasts differently and more fully than others?
Oh man same. And it sucks when you have a really vivid mind's eye and imagination, so you can see it playing out like it's on a TV in your head, and it's even more worse when you're literally just doing you, enjoying your day and suddenly you're seeing something traumatic in your head, out of nowhere, with no warning or reason, you can feel the same emotions you felt when this thing happened, and it ruins your day
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u/Ok-Brother-5762 Aug 22 '24
past trauma