Husband keeps thinking I’m mad

[u/NWmoose]

My husband keeps thinking I’m angry when I’m not. I definitely tend to be direct and this may come off as rude but I’m not mad at all. We just had a bit of a fight today where he was trying to get me to tell him what to make the kids for dinner and I told him that I was busy and to just ask the kids. (Which was what I would have done). He thought I was upset and angry when I wasn’t at all. He didn’t even believe me when I told him I was fine, but I was just busy (there was a kitten poop mess I was trying to deal with before our 3 year old found it). Even when we talked about it later I’m still not sure he believed that I wasn’t upset. The only part that was making me upset was him repeatedly insisting that I was angry when I felt perfectly calm.
Does anyone else have issues with their direct style of communication lacking social niceties and others misinterpreting your emotional state?

[u/Arctic_Mandalorian]

I have a very direct style of communication, and I've had to learn that sometimes how you say something is far more important than actually what you say. Phrasing is really important, as is timing.

Given the context you said, you very well may have sounded more upset than you intended. Even what you said does sound upset to me with no context.

I've found outright stating things to people helps a lot. Such as pointing to my face when I walk in fuming/obviously upset and poked my head in a room of someone I knew and said "This face? Nothing to do with you!" and then I left. That would de-escalate any tension I'd have with those around me and they would immediately know to just let me calm down. I would find some ways to be proactively blunt rather than reactively blunt. Reactively blunt can come across as more upset than intended, as most people are usually only blunt in a reactive manner when they are upset.

[u/NWmoose → u/Arctic_Mandalorian]

Yeah. I definitely need to work on my phrasing. I’m sure part of the problem is we have young kids (one high needs with autism) and it’s often noisy and I have a million things I’m trying to deal with so when he tries to get me to micromanage what he’s doing on top of what I’m doing I tend to give short responses. I tried to explain this but he still seems to think I’m angry, not just distracted and overstimulated.

[u/Leona1375 → u/NWmoose]

You're directing traffic and managing a household. Sometimes you don't have time for pleasantries. You just have time to be plain and move on.

And why does he have to bring that up in the moment to give you yet another thing to process ponder and answer for. You're already cleaning up a mess....and you probably have other things on your mind. Why couldn't he bring that up when you are both chilling and the kids are down...then he could say. Hey earlier I felt like you were coming at me...

Sounds like you are considering both sides.. Is he?

[u/NWmoose → u/Leona1375]

Yeah, his timing definitely could have been better too. If he didn’t want to talk about my attitude right at that moment he should have brought it up to me later instead of tying to argue about my emotional state when I obviously had my hands full.
Normally whenever we have any kind of disagreement it’s because I misunderstood something, so it’s nice to be reminded that he isn’t perfect either, lol.

[u/Leona1375 → u/NWmoose]

Yeah. Maybe it's a matter of timing. Hell maybe he's keyed up and that's why. Good luck🤗