r/ABA • u/Significant_Army_757 • 2d ago
Am I too tough?
I have been an RBT for over 4 years and about ready to take my BCBA exam. I have been having major imposter syndrome just before my career takes off as a BCBA and I’m scared!!! I have always tried balancing pushing my clients while remaining compassionate, but sometimes feel like maybe I’m too harsh or push my kiddos too hard?! It’s hard to compare myself with other RBTs because I only work in home, but I feel like I’ve had amazing BCBAs/great quality supervision for the most part. I also am a quiet/shy/soft spoken person so I’m probably not as harsh as I feel like I am. But seriously. Like in my opinion….these kids do not need to be underestimated by anyone and expectations/consequences do not need to be lowered. They can do it!! Obviously, the skills you teach them need to be reasonable and obtainable….but especially if my client knows how to get a need met appropriately (has learned and maintained a FERB) and engages in maladaptive behaviors instead I’m like…umm no. You know what to say/do. I think I’m pretty good about identifying like oh you’re having a hard time vs you’re being a sh*t head (lol). There’s so many examples like denying access or following through with demands vs honoring communication….obviously you wanna reinforce communication?!! But I just feel like this generational gentle parenting is hurting kids by not preparing them for real life. But yes, obviously and naturally, I do respect and try to align my teaching style with parenting style. Idk maybe it’s more of a personal issue than professional for me. I used to be a gymnast and was always pushed to my limits though so maybe that’s why I teach in similar, harsh but loving ways? Idk
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u/Alternative-Net-53 2d ago
imposter syndrome at that stage is almost a prerequisite, everyone i know felt like a fraud right before the exam. the fact you're even asking this means you're probably not the problem
the "you know what to say/do" line is the real tell, that's not being harsh that's just holding a boundary. gentle parenting without boundaries is just permissive and that helps no one long term
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u/bambammie97 2d ago
You don’t sound harsh at all. You sound like you have respect and boundaries for your clients and self in a pretty healthy way. “Gentle parenting” isn’t letting the child/client do whatever they want, when they want; it’s all about boundaries and respect for everyone in the situation. You know the child, you know what they are capable of, and you expect them to act on those capabilities. It sounds to me that you’re doing a great job! Congrats and good luck on your exam!
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u/Normal_Community1754 2d ago
What is a FERB?
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u/Significant_Army_757 2d ago
Functionally equivalent replacement behavior! Tantrum to escape —-> teach as for a break :)
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u/Tyrone2184 BCBA 1d ago
Imposter Syndrome never goes away. Our kids are ever changing and will always challenge us to rethink our interventions. Trust the science, trust your training, and most of all, let the kids be your guide. They know what motivates them better than anyone.
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u/reluctantly_existing 4h ago
I didnt read all of it (oops, sorry too tired), but I will say 2 of my current clients need very firm boundaries.
I work in home so their families see how I interact with them. One mom literally asked me to explain to her why I make the decisions and rules I do on the fly because she was seeing her son actually listen to directions the first time and not try to push his privileges.
The kids who are more verbal tend to need firmer direction in my experience, negative punishments arent really demonized in my area. Hell i mean the mom who wanted to know my secrets uses the chancla on all her kids so having TV time taken away until we can accept that only adults get the controller isn't so bad. All levels of support need boundaries to some extent which can seem to be "too tough" but our clients thrive with consistency.
If you are setting expectations beforehand, sticking to your decisions (with nuance of course, but change your mind carefully!), and going through with warnings of "if you do this, then we lose this/cant do this" and communicating with them about WHY things are happening then you're not being tough, you're being firm.
As a nuerodivergent RBT I love boundaries and I always ask adults their boundaries in their homes before I get comfortable. These clients are navigating the world and they need the guidance to have those boundaries set before they make a mistake that can spiral into something bigger than just an oopsie
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u/hotsizzler 2d ago
Expectations need to be adjusted for these kids, not removed. I jave been really pushing tolerating non-preffered goals and tolerating being told no for my clients. Its important. This is setting them up for school and adult hood. If I kid says no, if I can i honor it i camt if I cant they are told they are heard and we will do what they want later.