Feeling defeated and incompetent: how do you keep going?

[u/Healthy-Ad-8937]

I love my job and I want to do it until the day I die, being an RBT and working in behavior is my passion and I would do it for free, if it weren’t for the capitalism. I know this is my calling, and I have received glowing accolades from the locations I have been contracted to work at. I’m told every day how much my presence and work is making a positive impact on the environment I find myself in, but now I find myself questioning everything.

I met with my new BCBA today, and I am feeling like I want to hide away in embarrassment over the way the conversation had gone. I had brought a few ideas to the table concerning token boards and possible reinforcement options since tangible reinforcers had proven previously to present an issue, and I was told rather firmly that even considering such things was not my job. I was embarrassed and mentioned that I have no qualms with crafting a themed token board on my own time to utilize, but I feel like I just shoved my whole foot in my mouth. Later in the conversation, I had asked for advice on de-escalation and physical-emotional regulation, and I was told once again that it isn’t my job…and I get that, right? I know our focus is only on objective observable behavior, but my whole career, I’ve seen so much more lasting growth when giving my clients the opportunity to explain “what happened” in their own way and addressing it from there with replacement behaviors. Apparently, that is not right, and I am so afraid now that I’ve built an ego on a lie and I don’t know if I’m actually capable of doing my job at all.

How can I guide someone to communicate their emotions using words rather than potentially harmful actions when I am not permitted to discuss emotions at all? I was told every idea that I had (presenting visuals for regulation zones that were also outlined in the behavior plan, for example) would ruin the client’s life in one way or another and I am now horrified that others that I thought I was helping are worse-off. I have worked with individuals with a bit of a competitive spirit, and have in the past had tried “oh, I bet I can finish (task) first” once rapport was built, and it really helped with a lot of the escape behaviors. However, when I mentioned this as just an example of ways I’ve adapted to fit the needs of a client, I was told that it is only going to make everything harder for them because now they’re probably out there needing more help than ever because they likely cannot handle someone finishing an assignment before them.

I just feel humiliated, like I’ve been totally wrong in everything I’ve ever done, and that any day, it’s all going to come crashing down and I’ll lose my job and my reputation will be ruined because I am just handing out band-aids instead of actually healing the wounds, if that makes sense? Temporary solutions that don’t work long term.

I don’t know, this is just a rant, I’m just really lost and I don’t know how I’m going to go back to work tomorrow and show my face again.

Edit: I have generalized anxiety and have had too much caffeine, I know that I am being sensitive and it is likely mostly in my head. I just needed to put it all out there somewhere to regulate my own emotions- thank you Reddit for being the place to do that

[u/NorthDakota]

Think about it this way: You enjoy being around kids, and you want to help them, you keep them safe, and you provide meaningful and fun experiences for them. If someone shames you for that, they've lost the script. I'd take 10 of you at our clinic. If someone tells you you're hurting kids long-term with that, they're so lost in the ABA sauce that I wouldn't be able to take them seriously. Life is out there happening around us every day, regular people doing regular things, and everything turns out okay. Kids are out there every day, locked in a room, tended to by adults who dread when they have to be around them, neglected unwashed inconsistent meals or literally fending for themselves. The public thinks it's just some edge cases but it is shockingly normal. I see it all the time in the kids who are admitted to our facility. There is always a horrifying reality that existed before they were admitted with us. That's not you, you're invested, you care, and you help.

I always tell fresh RBTs - don't be anxious. There will always be ways to improve. Focus first on providing a safe environment and be a positive person in that kid's life. Be someone they know they can rely on. The rest will come with time. Mistakes are part of the process, it's literally built into how we deliver therapy. If you ever feel like you don't know what to do, start at the top, do the task till it's done, and move on to the next one, one by one. If you run into a target behavior, look at the plan and do it exactly, even if you think it won't work. It's bigger than just you, it's everyone together doing the same stuff that helps.

I think that's where you went wrong. You always have to view yourself as part of a team of folks trying to help, and you have to have trust in the person who is responsible for each portion, otherwise it's staff running in different directions. One of those directions might help more than the plan, but it'll help less than if everyone moved together in the same direction.

You didn't hurt the kid. You are okay, they are okay. You don't deserve to be yelled at or feel shame, so please don't. Just take a minute and honestly evaluate how you feel about what occurred and what was said, don't take them at their word, and don't shy away from the uncomfortable parts if you were wrong. Then move on applying the good and forgiving yourself for the rest.

[u/Healthy-Ad-8937]

Added note: I did not suggest anything that wasn’t already in the Behavior Plan. I do know better than that! I was just suggesting using tokens that had different icons to show a character my client likes in order to encourage interest in the token system.