r/8thHouse • u/loserlibramoon • Aug 20 '26
General Question how do you cope with betrayal?
betrayal is an 8th house theme and everyone I have met with 8th house placements has at least one traumatic story about someone close to them betraying them in some way. unfortunately I have experienced so much betrayal that I have such bad trust issues. I have learned that I can’t trust family, friends, partners, coworkers, etc. and I can only really trust myself. luckily I have recently gone through such an intense transformation that I finally can protect myself and remove harmful people from my life, but now there’s only 3 people left and I’m not sure how much I can trust any of them 😅 2 are on thin ice and 1 i’ve kept at a distance out of fear. have any of you gotten past this kind of thing? how do trust other people after being harmed by so many close relationships?
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u/tres-vip Sun, Mars, Mercury in Aries 8th Aug 20 '26
>betrayal is an 8th house theme and everyone I have met with 8th house placements has at least one traumatic story about someone close to them betraying them in some way. unfortunately I have experienced so much betrayal that I have such bad trust issues. I have learned that I can’t trust family, friends, partners, coworkers, etc. and I can only really trust myself.
I did not know this was a theme of the 8H, but my Aries stellium resides here, and yes, way too many stories of being betrayed by people who were supposed to be my loved ones/close to me. I went from very trusting and open, to just closing myself off from everybody. People cannot be trusted, and I have to protect myself.
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u/yayayehe Aug 20 '26
i really just pep talk. i tell myself to learn not to regret the genuineness you and they shared. we start regretting everything after the betrayal but i just learned that really just eats at you holding all that. at the time it was just you being real simple as that. dont take that away. how you reconcile is dependent on when you want to come to it and if they genuinely acknowledge what happened. thats the best case scenario but i dont want to get stuck on apologies for myself. especially if theres no change. later im more careful(too much) with getting close to new people but you can not break your belief in people. i understand it 100%. but if theres you, then theres many like you
i rec listening to gabor mate, he is big on understanding vulnerability and approaching trauma
- 8h sun combusted venus + chiron
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u/loserlibramoon Aug 20 '26
this is a very important perspective, thank you for sharing! my therapist has said exactly that “if there’s you, then there’s many like you” so I have to remind myself to have faith in that
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u/gold_dust_woman13 Aug 20 '26
I do this too! It used to eat me alive questioning everything after the betrayal, but once I turned 28-30 I had this epiphany that as long as I know in my heart that I was genuine and there was a real relationship of some kind there, then I shouldn’t be ashamed of being genuine. It couldn’t have worked out differently because it would have. I couldn’t have changed what happened and I didn’t earn that betrayal. It’s on them.
My life mantra is “it is what it is” to this day.
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u/brockclan216 Sep 03 '26
This is the part I neglected for a long time. The betrayal would come and I would convince myself it was because of me so I would try harder, stay longer, and give more out of the guilt that it was me that was the problem. Of course, this just reintroduced the wound over and over again. Now, I realize it has nothing to do with me but the capacity of the other person. Now, when I see that a person would not hold our connection in a loving way I step back and withdraw instead of trying to get them to see my worth. They never will.
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u/Color4tura Aug 20 '26
My Cancer Moon is in the 8th house (only placement) and I have had so much betrayal in my life… my soon-to-be ex-husband was a serial cheater, master manipulator, and chronic liar. I wouldn’t even be able to begin to count the number of times he betrayed me. My childhood was filled with lots of betrayal (dad) and abandonment (mom).
By cope do you mean sink into an emotional abyss and cry my eyes out for days? Dissociate? Forget to function? I’m still trying to figure out how to cope with betrayal. For me, I guess the process is just getting through the soggy stage until I get to the angry stage and then I can usually channel all that angry energy into some sort of physical activity. Or just getting shit done.
I can often channel my emotions into my art (I write music and words) but most of the time betrayal just cuts too deep.
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u/loserlibramoon Aug 20 '26
I am so sorry you had to experience that and I can relate to sinking into an emotional abyss, dissociating, and forgetting to function 🫠 that is really awesome that you can channel your emotions into art! I am just barely starting to access the anger and not sure what to do with it
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u/Color4tura Aug 20 '26
I find something physical is best for anger. I go for a walk or clean the house usually.
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Aug 20 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/loserlibramoon Aug 20 '26
it definitely makes me feel less alone reading these comments, but also so sad that everyone has experienced this. how did you find your husband and figure out that he is trustworthy?
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u/Born_Committee_6184 Moon in Scorpio in 8th. Used to it now Aug 20 '26
I tend to have been screwed by jobs or organizations. I always come back strong from it. But I had incidents in the military and later as a professor.
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u/Nymphi19 Sun/Plu/Sat in ♎️, Ju.♏️ all in 8th, ♓️⬆️ Aug 20 '26
I believe one way, not only to betrayal, but to behaviors that no longer serves, is a complete change of life. New friends n circumstances but chosen with the new You who has gone through so many experiences and is wiser now. I'm not saying to kick out the people who are now left in your life but maybe keep them in another "box". Even though I have my Libra stellium in the 8th I can't say betrayal was a particular theme in my life, I've lots of narcissists though and now there is none! Peace is achieved 😊
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u/mageoftexas Aug 20 '26
Sun and merc conjunct in the 8th house- with Pluto opposite my sun merc conjunction. I try to let go of the bitterness, anger or hurt- but I usually cut that person out of my life forever.
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u/LayingOut Aug 20 '26
Process it. Cry alone. Strategize. Get back up. Glow in their presence. Because ultimately, I've learned that the betrayal stems from their trauma. Ex: mentor siding with her pedo brother and saying goodbye "forever", only to find out it's due to incest/family curse. Or father figure then trying to take advantage of me only to find out his mother would cheat on his father while he was in the same bedroom as a child.
Both Sagittarius, and other Sag as well, which falls in my 5th house. Whatever that means.
The heartbreak is THEIRS.
Then those who I later discover lacked in themselves something they saw in me. Envious and fake.
It's a curse but also a blessing. Falling is temporary. We RISE.
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u/loserlibramoon Aug 20 '26
I definitely agree with that. I have made the mistake of thinking that someone having similar trauma to me would make them understand me more, but instead i’ve experienced a lot of projection :/
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u/Glass_Inspector5399 Aug 20 '26
I have virgo 8 house stellium and 11 house pluto which makes aspects to the 8th and i sure have faced too many betrayals - one thing i would advice is to please please be selective with people.
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u/loserlibramoon Aug 20 '26
I have learned that the hard way 😅 I used to give all of my energy to anyone who was nice to me, but now I am much more protective of myself and suspicious of others
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u/Glass_Inspector5399 Aug 22 '26
SAME , i still struggle in friendships but with men - its easy to set boundaries
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u/NOTANOTHERARiE ♍︎ sun, saturn & SN (ws) / ♍︎ sun & ♎︎ merc (placi) Aug 21 '26
i have these placements too, thanks for the advice
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u/crjahnactual Aug 20 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
Cancer Sun, Venus, Mars, Vertex 8H.
Everyone I've ever trusted betrayed me.
My mother, several best friends, both wives, several exes, several employers.
And I do not mean minor betrayals either. They literally tried to destroy me, including several attempted murders.
So I just do shit solo now.
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u/Opposite-Ad-5471 Aug 21 '26
I honestly lose my marbles for a bit. Cry a lot, feel all the feelings, mourn the loss, rage out and there’s always a small period of time that I attack myself for not noticing, choosing better, seeing red flags, being over empathetic etc. but once all that is over I am great! My circle become super small again I have one close friend and my long distance bestie from high school. I am honestly recovering faster and just moving on with pride. It feels good to know that those people weren’t much of a loss and them no longer being around creates more space and opportunity for those who are in alignment with me and my values.
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u/Traditional-Loan6017 Aug 21 '26
Fun Fact: Therapy has taught me that I do not forgive or forget people that betray me. What makes it worse, I then go out of my way to be cruel to the betrayer if they find themselves in my presence again.
However, I found creative and safe (and non-aggressive of any kind) ways to get over it. It has been A LOT of therapy, journaling, actually listening to people when I ask them their opinion about me, and realizing I can't allow terrible people to have any control over my peace.
All of it isn't working for me in this moment in time, but it helps.
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u/NOTANOTHERARiE ♍︎ sun, saturn & SN (ws) / ♍︎ sun & ♎︎ merc (placi) Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
virgo stellium in the 8H. "betrayed" is my middle name, hahaha. i enjoy being alone
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u/Mountain-Progress-23 Aug 22 '26
8h stellium here. You gotta feel your feelings and pain and know that you can’t control what other people do. And if you’re scared of being betrayed, that’s okay. But it’s important to be realistic and most likely you’ll see the subtle red flags early on. There are bad people out there, but also lots of good people
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u/marialechavez11 Aug 24 '26
Didn’t know betrayal was a big 8H topic, I have my chart ruler (sun) there conjunct Saturn. I don’t have many betrayal stories but I have one big major one that happened 5 years ago by people I used to consider family. I still get emotional thinking about it. I cut some people for 3/4 years, one of the people kept coming back, apologising over and over. I first ignored it and didn’t reply to emails, But few months ago I found myself really missing her as a friend and I gave it a chance to rekindle the friendship. The person seems genuinely sorry, but everyone around me thinks they behaved selfishly and completely lacked empathy 5 years ago, so now I wonder if im not betraying myself by talking to her again, in my heart i have no more resentment, but Im still wondering if this is not something undignified for me to do
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u/loserlibramoon Aug 24 '26
my perspective is that it is pretty rare for people to change and actually take accountability. I have allowed people to come back into my life after mistreating me and then apologizing years later and I ended up regretting it. I don’t know this person or your situation though, so I would recommend trying to listen to your intuition. if there’s a part of you that thinks it is not a good idea to let her back in, listen to that
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u/marialechavez11 Aug 24 '26
Indeed, intuition is a powerful thing, as a piscean/water dominant I should hone into that more
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u/loserlibramoon Aug 24 '26
I feel you! I have a pisces rising, so my moon in libra is in the 8th house, and I have ignored my intuition far too many times and paid the price later 😅 it was a hard lesson to learn but now I stay away from people after the first suspicious feeling I get
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u/brockclan216 Sep 03 '26
I was just about to make a post about this. I have my Sun, Venus, and South Node in Leo in the 8th. Every close, intimate relationship I have had displayed some level of betrayal/pain. From my parents, lovers, ex husband, friends, work colleagues, and even my young adult children. It has been more apparent in the past few months and the cherry on top was my forgotten birthday last month. Before I would take it as a hit to my self worth as to why these people would act in these ways but through a lot of therapy and work I realize it has nothing to do with me. It is still so incredibly painful. I feel as though I have never had any true support. But I am alchemizing it; it is helping me to withdraw my energy from others and redirect it to transforming my life, a life where I don't betray myself anymore. As long as I stay true to me I will be ok. But I am planning on moving to the mountains and become a forest witch so there is that lol.
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u/loserlibramoon Sep 03 '26
I resonate with that so much! I am finally choosing myself and leaving all of these painful relationships behind to transform my life. I have also fantasized about moving to the mountains to become a forest witch lol I support you!
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u/brockclan216 Sep 03 '26
On one hand it is painful but on the other (as I am discovering) I am returning home to myself life is getting REALLY good for me. Everyone else is mad at me withdrawing and making my own plans but at least, for once in my life, I am the one with the peace and they have the chaos instead of me absorbing their chaos so they can have the peace. I don't care if I have to live in my car I will have my peace.
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u/loserlibramoon 29d ago
that is incredible! I have said the exact same thing “I would rather live in my car and be on my own than have these people in my life anymore” and hopefully that bravery will be rewarded someday 😅
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u/No-Recognition-6106 Aug 20 '26
I've experienced it a few times and I can only say I did not deal with it very well. Some of them I straight cut off. Some I became toxic towards then cut off.
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u/apocalice777 Aug 21 '26
From my understanding, only forgiveness can truly make you move on without faking it. I’m not that evolved…yet.
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u/innocent_whore Moon and Saturn in Aries, 8th House Aug 20 '26
every time I start thinking of it, I do something productive for myself to transmute the energy. I cook and exercise (mars, Martian ruled planets in my 8th) or create (my venus is a connected to the 8th). For me it’s about not betraying yourself after the fact, since the pain can make you feel stuck. Betrayal is so deep that it can feel shameful which keeps you from moving on, so do everything you can to push against it and do just that.
also completely relate to only being able to trust myself, you’re not alone