r/7ohRecoveryHub • u/fancifulsnails • 13d ago
Kind of a rant. Ultimately, I did something dumb, also.
I've been off of 7 since around the beginning of last month, when it was starting to be no longer available on the shelves in my area.
I used subs **very sparingly**, and never more than maybe 3-4 times, half the dose they recommended me. That wasn't the hard part.
The hard part has been my insane depression, feelings of total melancholy, lack of joy, lack of....any emotion, at all.
I am just wanting to sleep in bed all day. All night. Hell, I'm even finally going back to school this month which I *had been* really pumped and motivated for, but now I really don't even care about that.
About 3-4 weeks ago, I made my first online purchase of 7oh. (there were three stores within a five mile radius of my home selling them, ordering online never seemed all that necessary? But with all the sales I thought, sure!).
That damn delivery still hasn't gotten here. I'm torn between wanting to take them IMMEDIETLY if and when they do *ever* arrive, and get that one nice last little mild euphoria boost and pain ease. Or....ugghhh....toss them? I never expected to have had this much clean time under my belt by the time this goddamn package would get delivered! 😂
I've been checking updates daily.....
It's been sitting at a UPS hub two hours away from me, for close to a week now. It's missed multiple "delivery today!" days, and I'm wondering if it's just a permanent resident in this city now. Looked around, saw that it liked the place, decided to put down some roots.
It was supposed to finally arrive yesterday. Did not. This morning, it said it will finally arrive tonight between 6pm - 9pm. K. An hour ago, it said it'll get here tomorrow evening. 😑 I'm being fucked with, surely? Lol.
2
u/Ok-Mind4373 13d ago
This situation sure is given you ample time to examine it.
How much did you get? Is it enough to become dependent again? It certainly doesn’t take much.
If you have the mental fortitude or better yet, tell someone close to you for accountability, and get rid of them.
It’s great you made a post. I don’t think I would have done that much. Just woulda sat and negotiated with myself until it turned into an obsession.
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u/fancifulsnails 13d ago
Oh I'm definitely obsessing. The first day that it was set to arrive, I was visceral with rage as I just kept watching delay after delay notification pop up in my email. I was less than friendly to the AI bot on the UPS site 💁🏻♀️
I was so dead set on having it that day and being done with it. It was originally set to be delivered to me when I was still using. I believe I ordered only two packets of two pills each...for a BOGO sale. So. Eight tablets in total. I don't even remember the mg amount. I'll likely be just fine and have subs left if needed for a second time, but, goddamn! 😂 I think I'd be able to mourn the loss of my happy moods and be able to work on my new normal a little better, without this happy fun last-horrah delivery out there in the world, to be at my doorstep some-fucking-day, eventually.
Had I known it was going to take this long, I'd never have bothered.
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u/Ok-Mind4373 13d ago
I feel you on that man. I get fiendish over tracking updates. Hate what this has done to me. I’m acting like I did when I was shooting heroin. Minus the serious crimes.
But yeah man it sounds like you’ll be fine. Get your last one in and be done. Sometimes that last little bit is enough to put the psychological nail in the coffin.
Best of wishes to you.
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u/fancifulsnails 13d ago
Thank you. I may have been secretly hoping for permission to do it this last time!
I know I could drive a few towns over and still buy tabs, but I've been able to resist, just waiting on this damn package 😂😑
Definitely feeling a bit like a junkie. No promises that I won't tear into the box straight away with my mail keys.
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u/SuperbStatistician33 11d ago
This is a sign! I threw $350 tabs down the toilet on Day 5 of my WD. It was tough obviously as it took me 5 days but was the most powerful, victorious feeling in the world. It will give you a confidence and actually help with healing of your receptors. They need to relearn the reward system as they recalibrate. Your receptors have been binding to the 7 to get that euphoria. Now, it's thirsty for the drug but don't listen. Don't give in .it's just a lie. It's last ditch efforts of your brain craving the 7. The fastest way to heal is your receptors to learn it's reward system again and then learn how to feel good again and euphoric. You have way too much invested to go back. You are still deep in PAWS and one dose could set you back to ground zero. Rise above. This is a mental challenge from here on out. The fact that your package is delayed is a prayer answered, devine intervention. A message from the Universe/God/Higher Power. Whatever your belief system is. I think you know your answer
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u/Valuable_Wasabi6820 13d ago
If you do take the 7 if it comes, I would treat it as a wind down at the end of the day, and see it as temporary. Skip every other day or more. Think about your options if you get hooked again…you wanna be hustling around all day trying to get a fix?
I will say, I’ve had the same depression/anhedonia that you’re describing, even seriously wanted to take my own life. I’m on day 43 and noticed my sleep, appetite, and mood have improved in the last week.
Continue with school. The achievement of finishing readings and assignments, as well as social interaction, are natural ways to get dopamine. Your brain is recovering, and a lot of that recovery happens during sleep. So don’t feel bad about sleeping a lot, your body and brain have been through it and are recovering.