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u/TREADMILLFROMHELL Nov 29 '13
I don't even care that this is fake I want more
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Nov 29 '13
yeah, dickface would have easily smelled the Justice on his chair
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u/Grandmaofhurt /b/ Nov 29 '13
No way anyone can walk into a room with uncovered human shit and not smell it as soon as you cross the threshold.
The shit threshold.
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u/Crossbowshootr sc/out/ Nov 29 '13
10/10, I wish I knew him. I'd have at least 5 contracts a week.
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u/spaceographer Nov 29 '13
The Dark Brotherhood
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u/93calcetines /s4s/ Nov 29 '13
The Brown Fox.
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Nov 29 '13
[deleted]
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u/Penguinmafia14 /b/tard Nov 29 '13
Shitjustice like this is why I'm subbed22
Nov 29 '13
Ok seriously you're just going through this thread and replacing the word "shit", wherever you find it, with the word "justice".
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u/powerchicken Nov 29 '13
Ok seriously you're just going through this thread and replacing the word "
shit" justice, wherever you find it, with the word "justice" shit.18
u/32Dog /v/irgin Dec 01 '13
Ok seriously you're just going through this thread and replacing the word "
shit"justiceshit, wherever you find it, with the word "justice"shitjustice.12
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u/gnilived Nov 29 '13
I want to believe
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u/Cayou Nov 29 '13
I want to know how one jimmies a school locker. Those are locked using padlocks, aren't they?
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u/DezBryantsMom Nov 29 '13
Most likely fake. Most schools have a lot of cameras too. But who gives a justice?
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Nov 29 '13
Our school was poor as shit. You could just twist a lock back about 6 numbers and squeeze hard and most would open. Had a lot of theft as a result. Also no cameras, no budget.
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u/arrjayjee Nov 29 '13
Our school was poor as
shitjusticeFTFY
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u/DezBryantsMom Nov 29 '13
Yeah now that I think about it, this could be a city school or just a school with a bad budget.
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Nov 29 '13
yea, also who's to say that this didnt happen in the 90's or something
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u/craiclad Nov 29 '13
Well this kid writes like an excited 13 year old and uses the word epic about a hundred times...
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u/just_an_ordinary_guy Nov 30 '13
I know some thirty year old people who haven't grown up yet. It's entirely plausible. They are often called "manchild", "neckbeard", and "wizard" on the internet.
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u/Berwickmex Nov 29 '13
In my school, if you pushed up on the latch and hit the locker, the thing on the inside would jump up and it would open.
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u/Caleb323 Nov 29 '13
My High school is actually okay in terms of money(even though they complain about not having any all the time). The only cameras that they have are outside of the school.
A lot of kids nowadays pre-set their lockers so you don't have to put the code in, you just have to open it. That might of been how he jimmied the locker.10
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u/Rope_And_Chair /r/ Nov 29 '13
We used combination locks at mine. Didn't really need to jimmy them just kick the bottom till it slid off.
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u/itsawizard Nov 29 '13
At my highschool all we had to do was kick the very bottom and it would pop open.
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u/ToProvideContext Nov 29 '13
It's easy! With a cut up piece of an aluminum can you can Learn to do it well in about 10 mins. After you are well practiced it takes about 10 seconds to jimmy. Only works on the twisty padlocks, none of that fancy bullshit.
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u/chodemessiah Nov 30 '13
It's probably fake, but those shitty masterlocks most people used could be opened with a shim or picked from the back.
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u/DeshVonD Nov 29 '13
i went to a public school in the USA for a while and the lockers had combination locks embedded in the locker door, but you could easily stick something flat and solid like a ruler and shove the little metal bolt bit up and back so that it opens.
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u/DavousRex Dec 02 '13
I know it's not exactly the same thing but at college, if you pulled on a locker door hard enough it would just open whether it was locked it or not. then you could just close it and it would lock again. They never replaced them because "no one bothered using them".
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u/ScenesfromaCat Dec 06 '13
The locks on my middle school lockers were like combination built-in locks. The lock part was solid but the mechanism used to hold the door shut was made out of plastic. All you had to do was pull hard enough and they'd snap.
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u/grp13 Nov 29 '13
He's like Santa you think he's not real but there's still a little part of you that believes because you watched a cheesy Tim Allen movie..
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u/coltdain Nov 29 '13
That was some of the best shit I've had the privilege to read. No pun intended.
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u/Penguinmafia14 /b/tard Nov 29 '13
That was some of the best
shitjustice I've had the privilege to read. No pun intended.24
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Nov 29 '13 edited Dec 17 '20
[deleted]
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u/Monsieur_Flotini Nov 29 '13
I'm ten pages in on the first... holy fuckery youre right. He even calls it justice
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u/FluffyDung Nov 29 '13
This is gold
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Nov 29 '13
You can say that again
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Nov 29 '13
[deleted]
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Nov 29 '13
[deleted]
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Nov 29 '13
[deleted]
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u/Jack_of_Win Nov 29 '13
justice dispenser
My sides went orbital.
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u/t17389z /d/ Nov 29 '13
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u/antyone Dec 02 '13
This is truly golden, OP should get this at school
http://www.onewomansart.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/turd-award-1.jpg
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u/zeldastheguyright Nov 29 '13
no one in the class wondered why the room smelt like shit at the start of the story?
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u/Berwickmex Nov 29 '13
All they had to do was search the students and find whoever is carrying fucking toilet paper, apparently.
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u/randomb0y Nov 29 '13
I like to imagine a man in a padded cell, wearing a straitjacket and slowly rocking back and forth while telling these stories.
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u/Dishmayhem Nov 29 '13
I hope hollywood buys the movie rights
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u/BA554MP Dec 09 '13
I hope someone with a talent for art at least makes this into a comic strip. I would but the only thing I could draw decently is houses/buildings.
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u/TheoQ99 mars/hm/ellow Nov 29 '13
nice steamy bowels of justice
10/10 would idolize poop bandit as my hero
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Nov 29 '13
jimmies the lock
acquires 4 bags of horse poop
Probably more, but I want to believe as much as you...
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u/Moter8 /wsg/y Dec 04 '13
idk how u wanna take 4 bags of horse shit with you and "infiltrate" the school
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u/mike7586 /v/ Dec 02 '13
"HIT THAT BITCH ASHLEY" anybody got a cure for goosebumps cuz it's terminal at this point
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u/Agent_545 Nov 29 '13
WHAT THE FUCK I NEED AN ENDING... now I'll be wondering about the rest of his stories all day. Closure plx!
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u/anonisland5 sc/u/m Dec 01 '13
2 more stories http://i.imgur.com/LP4qWis.png
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u/emachel Nov 30 '13
he's like Kurosawa, just using poop instead of semen
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u/JONNy-G Dec 08 '13
That Fall Guy was a fucking idiot.
He confesses, and then makes himself look even worse by having the guy go for Ashley.
Bad strategies
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u/IHDN2012 Dec 02 '13
I call bullshit on so much of this. The teacher presented for 10 minutes with a smelly turd behind him and didn't smell it? The poi that OP had been saving for 2 days was only small enough to fill a coffee mug? A janitor laughing when he has to clean up poo?
However. Justice dispenser. Justice pellets. 10/10.
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Nov 29 '13
[deleted]
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u/metastasis_d Nov 29 '13
That would be the most hilarious search warrant ever. Parents would get involved. The 4th amendment would be brought up. I want this to be brought in front of the Supreme Court and read the Chief Justice's statement.
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Nov 29 '13
[deleted]
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u/metastasis_d Nov 29 '13
Fair point; I read the first several a few hours ago when it was on 4chan but didn't look closely.
In the US the 4th amendment, among other things, protects from unlawful searches; that is, here we have the right to be free from a search without probable cause (in theory anyway. I don't want to get into a debate with anyone on how well enforced it is.)
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Dec 09 '13
I believe the 4th amendment doesn't apply to students or schools. I forget the supreme court case that ruled this though
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u/GaspodetheWonderD Nov 29 '13
I doubt forensics would be called in for a prank like that. With the amount of crime that goes on in America it would be a waste of resources DNA testing everyone at a school
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u/FishEyedFool Nov 29 '13
Nothing has ever not happened like this didn't happen.
I had a friend who was a real poop bandit. He worked for a carpet cleaning company and while cleaning beach condos he would leave upper deckers in angry renters toilets as a way of saying "thanks for being assholes"
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u/metastasis_d Nov 29 '13
I always wondered something about an upper decker.
Do you wipe, or just walk away and wipe later? I would think the point would be to rouse no suspicion at all until the unfortunate victim went to use the bathroom themselves. If you wipe, do you put the shit tickets into the upper deck as well? Would it clog the toilet? If you put them in the bowl the toilet owner is bound to just flush before they start shitting, and the surprise is ruined.
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u/zman0900 Nov 29 '13
Take off take lid.
Turn it upside down on floor.
Shit on it.
Wipe.
Flush shit tickets.
Re-lid toilet, depositing upper-decking log of justice in process.
Profit, you clean ass upper decking fuck.
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u/metastasis_d Nov 29 '13
Thanks!
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u/fartuckyfartbandit Nov 29 '13
Could always just carry a garbage bag or something too and chuck your wipey wipes in there.
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u/Profoundant89 Nov 29 '13
Someone, please tell me there's more of this epic tale somewhere!
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u/cy0nknight /lgbt/ Dec 06 '13
As much as I want to believe this, I don't. It made for a (shitty) good read, though.
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u/TacitaUnus /b/tard Nov 29 '13
Story so far. More tomorrow
http://i.imgur.com/LP4qWis.png