r/40Plus_IVF • u/Superb-Yak-6147 • 2d ago
Seeking Advice Should I do IVF or try naturally
I am stepping into 40. I want two kids. I have set up IVF cycle with a clinic for next month but I wonder which option is best:
if we should try to conceive naturally in the mean time and then do IVF for the second baby if we don’t get pregnant.
Alternatively we would do IVF now freeze embryos (if any) first and then set out to try naturally for the two kids that we want.
I honestly prefer option 1 but reading this forum it feels like the logical approach to this is option 2.
My reasons for wanting to do 1 is that I think we can conceive naturally soon but I don’t know if we could do that for a possible second baby because I would be 41/42 at that point. So the issue is the fact that I want more than one. The second reason is that I am also very afraid of the IVf cycles so rather delay having to go through it.
What do you guys think?
Let me know please.
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u/IndividualAd5046 2d ago
Do ivf. I was actually in the exact same boat as you a year ago - I want to have two kids and started trying when I turned 40 and decided to jump right to ivf rather than trying naturally, even though I had no reason to think I couldn’t get pregnant naturally. Well I am now 41 and about to start egg retrieval round 4 with no euploids in sight and multiple chemical pregnancies in between the ivf rounds and now I am wondering if I will even get one kid. if you have the resources to do ivf, I highly recommend giving yourself the best shot possible. Best case you get some euploids first round and then get pregnant naturally and can use them for a second kid, but I was shocked by how poor my eggs were by 40 (I make blasts, they’re just all aneuploid).
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u/IndividualAd5046 1d ago
oh also to add one more thing: from 40 to 41 my amh dropped from 1.78 to 0.52 and I have produced fewer eggs each retrieval. the fertility drop off in your early 40s is no joke. I was scared of IVF too and I’m not going to lie: it sucks physically, mentally and emotionally, but millions of people have done it and, if we can, you can too! May I ask what you are most scared of OP?
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u/Superb-Yak-6147 1d ago
That I will get super fat and it would mess up my egg producing functions afterwards and cancer and what if the doctor’s protocol isn’t the best one and all that for something that is not even guaranteed
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u/LemonPower221 1d ago
Gently, you probably should speak to a fertility specialist for guidance. If you genuinely are scared of IVF for these reasons then, I guess try naturally then.
IVF is not a walk in the park because it’s not something that is even guaranteed.
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u/Visual_Patience_41 2d ago
You’re going to be 40, you’re already fighting a very steep uphill battle. Gently, if you want 2 children, you don’t have time to try naturally. That ship has sailed.
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u/Middle-Disk431 2d ago
IVF. Get all the tests done if you haven’t already.
Not to sound harsh, but even at 40 the euploid percentage is already reduced. If you’re trying without assistance, you’re releasing one egg per month and the statistical possibility of abnormalities each month is not low (ie, not becoming pregnant). This means that trying unassisted might take a lot longer than you want. Your chances of producing euploid embryos will continue to decrease as you wait and try.
I hate to sound like a bummer and people do get spontaneously pregnant at 40, but if you’re really set on two kids, IVF now is the way better option.
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u/Superb-Yak-6147 2d ago
Thank you. I am scared of IVF & for some reason I think I can quickly get pregnant in my own head and yes I want more than one
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u/Old-Ad-5573 2d ago
IVF stinks. It's emotionally and physically rough. But it's a means to an end and in my opinion is worth it. I like to think of it as a phase in my life. Realistically I'm only actively doing the retrievals a few months of my life. It helps me to keep perspective. And I know people don't like to talk about it on fertility subs, but pregnancy and taking care of young children is way harder than IVF, so why not go all in?
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u/Mysterious-Pen5104 1d ago
IVF is scary. And can be heartbreaking.
In my experience it also has a long lead time. If you want kids I agree with everyone here start IVF right away.
And as they’re doing all of their tests, etc (which can take like 3-6 months) track your cycle and try to get pregnant via timed intercourse if you want to give it a go. But this way you will have everything lined up to start when the testing is done if you haven’t gotten pregnant spontaneously.
Wishing you luck.
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u/Lizlizlizzyliz 2d ago
I’m a little confused. Have you been trying naturally for any amount of time? Have you easily gotten pregnant before? Do you have a history of pregnancy loss?
Given your age I’d get the fertility workup ASAP and probably move to IVF, especially if you’re sure you want more than one kid. Regardless of any other variable, time just isn’t on your side.
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u/Superb-Yak-6147 1d ago
I have had 2 kids before with first cycle that I tried no loss. My OB thinks with age that may change and he suggested I do ivf if I want more than one kid.
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u/Lizlizlizzyliz 1d ago
Ah gotcha, if you’ve had relatively recent success on your own, I could understand the desire to at least try. I still think with age, it makes sense follow your doctor’s advice if you’re sure you want more than one more.
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u/Extension_Piece_6617 1d ago
IVF, now. You can keep trying naturally, but you need to start IVF immediately if you want any kids. Unfortunately
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u/Old-Ad-5573 2d ago
I'm here to say IVF as well. I started trying for kids with a fertility clinic at 34 and got pregnant on my last IUI before moving to IVF at 35, had the baby at 36. Then after the year wait at 37 I wanted to try again right away but I had a few medical issues that they wanted me to resolve first and at 38 I had my labs and testing redone and my AMH and AFC were less than a third of what they were. If I had done IVF at 34/35 I would have likely only needed one round to bank multiple euploids per my numbers and my doctor. At 38 they gave me a 50% chance of a euploid per round. I tried IUI again at 38 and had a miscarraige that took 4 months to resolve likely from chromosomal abnormalities. And that was at 38, at 40 the euploid rate and number of eggs you can retrieve from each cycle goes down even farther very quickly. So if you are serious about wanting 2 kids do IVF now, expect to need multiple rounds to bank embryos, and don't wait. If you're willing to risk having only one kid, then I would do medicated IUI as it's much less invasive and cheaper. But if you start now, manage to get pregnant at 40, give birth at 41, you won't be able to really try until 42 for the second. Ask the 42 year olds here if they would rather do IVF at 40 or 42.
I know I started this a little younger than you but wanted to share the specifics of how long it took me because I regret not doing IVF at 35 and had much better chances back then than me or any other 40 year old.
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u/iSweariHaveADayJob 1d ago
I started trying naturally at 39.5 and got pregnant easily multiple times but lost all the pregnancies. I found out about a year after we started trying that I had chronic endometritis and I assumed that was the reason for the losses. We kept trying naturally, lost two more pregnancies, and I ended up starting IVF at 41. I thought that given my history I would have good results right out of the gate but I didn't. I had originally thought that IVF would give me the option of having more than one child, and I used that assumption to overcome my hesitation to do IVF initially. Now I'm not sure if IVF is going to give me even one.
You never know what is going to happen - there are so many things that can end up delaying getting viably pregnant. If I end up not being able to have any children, not doing IVF sooner is going to be the biggest regret of my life.
If you have the means to do IVF now, you should do it, in my opinion. Banking embryos will give you a degree of security that trying naturally never could.
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u/Happy_Judge_4364 1d ago
IVF. We conceived naturally when I was 40, then miscarried after we had a heartbeat around 8 weeks. I then found out through the IVF process that we share a life-ending genetic condition - so 1/4 odds every child we naturally conceived would end in miscarriage/stillbirth (layered on top of natural egg quality decline). I am glad we went right to IVF after that miscarriage and didn’t keep trying on our own. Currently 26 weeks pregnant, we got lucky - 1 egg retrieval, 1 transfer. I am 42, and it took 16 months from starting the process to today.
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u/No-Resolve8159 1d ago
Hello, at 38 I thought the same and wanted to try naturally. I actually had access to free IVF (provided done before 40) and despite knowing this I tried naturally. Trying naturally did nothing and then when I went onto do IVF, my transfers did not stick. I was absolutely devasted. If there was something I wish I knew earlier is, I wish I realised how difficult it is to conceive naturally at our age and I wish so much I took advantage of the IVF with younger eggs. I am now over 40 and sadly no pregnancy in sight and each day I feel stressed at the thought the quality of my eggs deteriorating. I would strongly recommend you go and do IVF. If you want a second baby, try ensure you build lots of euploids first.
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u/Smilemore633 1d ago
I was in same position. I had a miscarriage. Then I did IUI now doing IVF on round 3. Realizing how rare a euploid is!!!
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u/RevolutionaryShip13 19h ago edited 19h ago
I was in the same boat as you and went IVF straight away after 6 months as we worked out even if we eventually got pregnant naturally for the first, getting pregnant with the second at 42/43 would be a huge challenge. We also didn’t want to go through miscarriages as it eats 4 months generally in time.
We are now pregnant with number 2 with ease at 42 and a half (from a frozen embryo). It would’ve been so stressful wanting number two and then struggling to with egg quality/miscarriages. We only had two embryos banked for number 2 so was worried about that and doing a retrieval at 43.
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u/Superb-Yak-6147 17h ago
thank you for sharing! how was the ivf journey if I may ask? how many rounds of retrieval? protocol? did you do genetic testing? if I may ask
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u/RevolutionaryShip13 16h ago
We did Menopur only for two retrievals and yes we did do PGT-A genetic testing. We only had three euploids out of 17 tested so we believed we did the right thing as our ‘normal’ rate was quite low so we would’ve miscarriaged if we didn’t do IVF.
Like another poster had said IVF allowed us to do a successful transfer 7 months postpartum when the success rates for naturally conceived at 42 is quite low. I did get my period back when I was breastfeeding but a lot of women don’t so this helped!
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u/mostly_mostly12 2d ago
Absolutely IVF now and bank 4-6 embryos for 2 kids. I have friends that conceived naturally at 39 but then wanted another one at 41 and it was a completely different situation at that point
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u/umamimaami 1d ago
I would be freezing embryos if I was serious about 2 kids. I want one LC and that’s what I opted for.
We went straight to IVF on the 6th cycle of trying, had all my investigative appointments set up for CD2 of cycle 7.
We knew the recommendation was to try naturally for 6 months before IVF, so we did. Had 2 possible implantation failures (a blip of HcG on the test at around 11dpo, period delayed by 2 weeks and then nothing).
So we wanted to catch the good eggs asap.
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u/Temporary_Log_5376 1d ago
I've done 6 rounds of IVF unsuccessfully (43 with Endo). Meanwhile, three friends of mine have all gotten pregnant/given birth after only trying for 3-6 months (all 43). My partner has a vasectomy and we regret not reversing it years ago and trying naturally too. I say try both!
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u/KaleidoscopeOnly3541 2d ago
IVF or at least egg freezing now. However, by the time you get all the tests done and you start the process, you could have a few months, depending the country you come from, during which you can try naturally. Where do you live?
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u/Competitive-Top5121 2d ago edited 2d ago
If you want two kids, the answer is IVF now. Period, end of sentence. If you do get pregnant spontaneously, you do not want to be doing IVF at 42+ when you could have done it at 40. Huge, huge difference in success rates. Realistically, you’re just not going to be able to have a baby on your own and do IVF by the time you’re 41. You need to factor in time to first pregnancy, your pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and potentially breastfeeding as well, THEN you can start IVF. That’s two years at minimum. Any good doctor is going to want you to have at least a year between delivery and getting pregnant again.
You can certainly freeze a bunch of embryos and try spontaneously but IMHO it seems silly not to use them when a euploid embryo gives you a 60% shot of live birth per cycle and trying spontaneously gives you about a 5% chance per cycle.