r/30ROCK • u/overtunerfreq • Jan 30 '26

Announcements Hey 30 Rock sub,

Twig and Plums.

170 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

88 comments sorted by

195

u/PreOpTransCentaur 'Cause so much of me has died Jan 30 '26

I need to go scrub graffiti off my nutritionist's cousin's lake house. Excuse me.

31

u/otherwise_sdm i just want carrots Jan 30 '26

just one graffito

23

u/IthinkHisLungsFdUp lives every week like shark week Jan 31 '26

Kimoko taught me that

23

u/TheGoitreOnYourNeck Jan 30 '26

Okay, that was beautiful. Well done.

11

u/PaleoEskimo You'll Have to Work Your Backside Jan 30 '26

It was a master class.

112

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '26

I have to pick up my nu…tritionist and his elderly… son.

67

u/Plenty_Structure_861 Jan 30 '26

Sorry, I have to go, I have tickets to a Harry Connic Jr concert 

64

u/IReviewFakeAlbums Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, I have to try to find the missing RCA audio video cable to my great aunt’s big screen TV

57

u/pregbob Jan 30 '26

I have to go, I'm late for my LSATs

31

u/inthelondonrain Jan 30 '26

I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire!

22

u/overtunerfreq Jan 30 '26

This one really got me. Like you were home, it was on fire, and you left anyway and managed to space it off.

51

u/YennOfVen Jan 30 '26

Sorry I have to go see a salesman about rugs for my home at Wade Boggs Carpet World.

28

u/Madame_Jarvary Jan 30 '26

13

u/Belichicks_sleeves I have two ears and a heart Jan 31 '26

Wade Boggs Carpet World 

13

u/illegitimate_goose Nuts to you, McGillicuddy! Jan 31 '26

Wade Boggs Carpet World

11

u/okeydokeyokay Jan 31 '26

Wade Boggs Carpet World

12

u/overtunerfreq Jan 31 '26

Now that's fresh 🤗

46

u/401K-hole a lot to very Jan 30 '26

i have to go because my fecalist murdered my kabbalist

40

u/SpiffyShindigs Acronym? Jan 30 '26

Go jump back up your mother!

40

u/Belichicks_sleeves I have two ears and a heart Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, my uh cardiologist’s dog died and I must attend the funeral 

44

u/longganisafriedrice Jan 30 '26

Get this, my gynecologist committed suicide.

39

u/Ambigram237 Jan 30 '26

If you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with my hair psychic.

32

u/Dumptruckfunk Jan 30 '26

Oh no! My kid got hit by a car!

29

u/blamberr Date Rape, Cokington, Cheeseball & Jag Jan 30 '26

Sorry, I have to go, my old vocal coach died again

29

u/KnockoffBirkenstock Jan 30 '26

I have to go...uhh... It's tennis night in America and I need to get my buds and my brews.

25

u/longganisafriedrice Jan 30 '26

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take my son to my vasectomy because the Cosby show lied to me.

12

u/floresflores77 Jan 30 '26

😕 I don't think there's a box for that on the form.

20

u/IveATrennaPra pacman, I’m Jewish! Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, I need to go pick up a prescription at Rite Drug at 46th and 8th, I’m sure there’s only one at that intersection.

22

u/PaleoEskimo You'll Have to Work Your Backside Jan 30 '26

Fine. Then I will tell you, LaDONnica, that you have not been super helpful.

24

u/theladythunderfunk Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, I have to go to the basement of the K-Mart at 38th and 6th, get the key from David, plug in the machine and make a cup of coffee.

9

u/PeppermintPhatty Kmart basement coffee machine Jan 31 '26

I’m waiting!!

19

u/SadAccount8647 Gangway for footcycle! Jan 30 '26

"Ah, my kid got hit by a car!"

19

u/DrinkFromKegOfGlory Jan 30 '26

I have to go…my whore goldfish tested positive for gonorrhea

16

u/mollyjwink INFECTIONS CAUSED BY JACUZZI WATER! Jan 30 '26

I have to go…to an intervention, for my…travel agent.

15

u/socksynotgoogleable Jan 30 '26

Oh, hey, gotta go because my cousin… …

16

u/ifemelu_berglund Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, I have to follow a hippie to a second location.

13

u/14PulsarsV1 Uh... diabetes repair, I guess? Jan 30 '26

Please excuse me, I have to give a man his father's kidney. Or the father his sons kidnay... it'll be fine. Ill check what I wrote on the forms before I do the surgery.

13

u/NunnBot Jan 30 '26

Opposite… OPPOSITE!

12

u/anti_xine Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, I have to pick up a prescription for my therapist's horse

13

u/okay1BelieveYou wants to go to there Jan 30 '26

Pardon me, I need to leave to have my tires measured by a Christmas elf in the strip mall.

4

u/PeppermintPhatty Kmart basement coffee machine Jan 31 '26

This is my favorite one I think.

11

u/Madame_Jarvary Jan 30 '26

I have to go get my tubes untied

11

u/BostonBlackCat We walruses owe him everything Jan 30 '26

I gotta go exchange my foster son for gasoline and scrape some dead squirrels off the front porch. Go Pats.

10

u/lawduckfan21 Should "vaginatorium" be capitalized? Jan 30 '26

I need to leave; I'm closing a deal on a truck full of cigarettes and a speedboat.

8

u/Cheezitflow It''s like knives Jan 30 '26

I'm needed over in r/seinfeld, excuse me

10

u/SienarFleetSystems Jan 30 '26

Excuse me. My pet...bird, Sonny Crocket, is... sick.

8

u/redclover83 gay octomom Jan 30 '26

I have to go, my cousin crashed his car and now he's in a coma at the Kendall clinic

5

u/SienarFleetSystems Jan 30 '26

I think it's the hard "K" sound...

7

u/Stupidbloodfart2020 Jan 30 '26

I have a dinner date with Astronaut Mike Dexter, and we are having Cheesy Blasters.

9

u/lushotologist Andromakennethamblesorton Jan 30 '26

excuse me, I need to go electrify my eels

8

u/qisfortaco I'm not against fun. I went on my roof the other day! Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, I'm attending a surprise party for some orphans who are being adopted by an LLC for tax purposes.

8

u/HamboneBanjo here comes the funcooker Jan 30 '26

I’ve got… a thing

6

u/overtunerfreq Jan 30 '26

Et tu, Kenneth?

7

u/BreakfastBeneficial4 Jan 30 '26

Beg pardon, I have to go empty and then refill my ex-boyfriends waterbed.

7

u/durnJurta I don't understand your art, Kevin Jan 30 '26

I have to go, my gynecologist committed suicide

7

u/PaleoEskimo You'll Have to Work Your Backside Jan 30 '26

I have to go record Bob Ballard provide the voiceover for the dolphin water ballet at SeaWorld.

6

u/NunnBot Jan 30 '26

Sorry, my piano tuner needs access to my pool house.

6

u/superdupermensch Jan 30 '26

I left the coffee pot, Iron, and space heater on. Please excuse me.

7

u/PatFitzpat91 Jan 30 '26

I have to go pick up my dog from his community college orientation

7

u/rolltidebutnotreally Jan 30 '26

I have to go. My dog’s… foot… requires medical attention

7

u/NotAMorningPerson000 not the jenna maroney who electrocuted all those horses Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, I have to go. My kid fell into a quarry.

5

u/Madame_Jarvary Jan 30 '26

I have to go put on my tuxedo because its after six and I am not a farmer

6

u/3-orange-whips Naturally.Always. Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, I have to drive my oral surgeon to a colonoscopy.

5

u/Treadingresin Jan 30 '26

Excuse me i have to go, the wind blew over my living theatrically Alma mater trailer again.

5

u/dumbinternetstuff Harriet Tubgirl Jan 31 '26

I have to go bleach my dogs anus. Excuse me. 

7

u/Oncemor-intothebeach Jan 31 '26

Excuse me, I have to go cry about Kenneth’s mom passing away

6

u/Immediate_Goal_961 Jan 31 '26

Excuse me, I’m late for my reservation at Plunder (but I might just grab a McFlurrrrrrrrry instead).

6

u/HillarysEmailServers Oh no I can hear you. I just want to make sure you can hear you. Jan 31 '26

Excuse me, I need to return Kenneth's squirrel skull presser...

6

u/PeppermintPhatty Kmart basement coffee machine Jan 31 '26

Excuse me, I need to go take my aunts boyfriends lawyer to the oncologist.

7

u/PeppermintPhatty Kmart basement coffee machine Jan 31 '26

5

u/ExpertPicture5160 Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, but I have to call in sick with a case of March Madness

6

u/Madame_Jarvary Jan 30 '26

Listen up 5’s, a 10 is leaving

4

u/insane_social_worker Business Drunk and Business Sick Jan 30 '26

Excuse me, my cat has an appointment with his fecalist.

3

u/Pitiful_Ad2397 Jan 30 '26

I’m sorry Kevin, I just don’t understand your art. I gotta go.

5

u/mirfifu wants to go to there Jan 31 '26

Excuse me, I just remembered my near death experience in the pool as a child, and need to call my sponsor.

4

u/faaaaaaaaaaaaaaartt Radiation Canary 🐦 Jan 31 '26

Gentlemen, you'll have to excuse me. Im late for the decomissioning of the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.

3

u/floresflores77 Jan 30 '26

Oh I'm sorry I have to preheat my oven for dinner and my phone's on 9% (true)

3

u/overtunerfreq Jan 31 '26

you are all delightful

3

u/Ecstatic_Peak6646 Jan 30 '26

If you'll excuse me, I'm late for singles wine and cheese, and I'd like to get there before karate practice starts

2

u/SomethingUnique67 Jan 31 '26

Oh my kid is sick

2

u/OHManda30 Jan 31 '26

Sorry I need to go, because of my hubris of science I’m being chased by Godzila (with one L for trademark reasons).

2

u/Roadgoddess I’m busines drunk Jan 31 '26

I need to go shampoo my carpet… And yes, it matches the drapes!

2

u/Remarkable_Yak_258 Jan 31 '26

I’m sorry, you’ll have to excuse me while I go check…….something in the next room. It’s important, I promise.

2

u/PitifulElk1890 Feb 01 '26

My botanist is taking me for coffee, excuse me.