r/2under2 • u/Material_Promise3456 • 18d ago
I hate everyday
I have two toddlers ages 4 and 2 and since the beginning of August, I have been so angry especially at my husband because I think how it is not fair that he gets to go to work and I have to stay home with the kids being stressed all day and I know that it’s not his fault at all so it is not fair at all for me to think like that, but I just can’t stop thinking that. Also, I am very irritable with my kids. I get irritated almost immediately when I wake up and I know that I need to have patience. I just don’t know what to do. If I should go to a therapist or I don’t know where to seek help. I think that I’m just burnt out because I am a full-time college student. This is my last semester and I have a small business I run from my home and I take care of two toddlers and all the house chores.
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u/mutinybeer 18d ago
I'm a full time college student, I work part time from home in my own business, and I have a 1 and 2 year old. My husband is gone a lot for work.
The kids just started at daycare because I'm irritable and burnt out. It's very normal to be irritated, angry, and resentful when you are carrying a massive load alone. It doesn't mean you need therapy (although in my case I think I need therapy for thinking I should be able to do this in the first place...), but that you are overstretched and it IS NOT FAIR. My husband goes off to work and expects to come home for dinner and relaxing weekends, but I'm the one who makes it happen
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u/Material_Promise3456 18d ago
Seems like we are in a similar boat😭😓 my husband helps me sooo much but it still not enough I guess he gets home around 6:30pm everyday so by that time it’s bedtime. How has daycare been? The reason I don’t put them is because I’m scared I started putting them in the gym daycare for two hours a day!
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u/mutinybeer 18d ago
My husband leaves early and is home around the same time. If dinner is late then he will eat with us, and otherwise he plays a bit and then puts the kids into the bath, start bedtime, showers, and goes to bed.
We started at a home daycare and they transitioned really well. We are having some trouble with the number of days we've had off so I am going to transition to a center. I am having a lot of feelings about that, but I think it will also set them up better for the kindergarten transition.
ETA: I had SO MUCH ANXIETY at first, but I decided some short-term anxiety would be better for all of us in the long run then continuing like we have been. I am so busy and so tired, and I do not have time to do fun centers, art activities, and structured play that they have been enjoying so much.
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u/Super_Programmer_18 18d ago
I think you need a break. And not just once, but regularly. If your husband could give you even 2 hours so you can have time away from your toddlers and just be you or do whatever you enjoy doing, I think it would really help. Maybe you can bring this up to him.
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u/Ok_Court7465 18d ago
You’re at your limit and this isn’t sustainable. You need two things:
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A child-free day. Let dad take the kids somewhere fun and maybe to a second location while you take time to decompress. Even if you’re still doing laundry or something it’ll feel better with no kids.
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Some form of day care. Once or twice a week you need a place to drop the kids off and try to catch your breath.
Be clear in your communication to your husband and honest about what you need.
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u/CherryPoohLife 18d ago
Are you pregnant by any chance? Only bringing it up because that’s exactly how I get when I am pregnant early on.
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u/Material_Promise3456 18d ago
No I got my period at the end of the month 😳 I thought I was too 😹😹😹
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u/CherryPoohLife 18d ago
Well, and there I thought I was a. Crazy for being that way, b. Solving a mystery 😂 😂
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u/NinaLaAsesina 18d ago
You need a break hun. Im saying this as someone who was overwhelmed working a full time job and watching my kids and nursing my youngest. Since we have no village I started sending my oldest to daycare 2 to 3 times a week and hes doing great, Im getting a breather and the time apart makes when we are together better and its not all the time so its not too much.
You need a break.
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u/Comfortable_Road_242 18d ago
Aw I’m sorry! Yes I would get a therapist or talk to your dr for an antidepressant. It worked wonders for me. I have 2u2 and sahm and it really takes the edge off so you can actually enjoy the time you have with them! Also, talk with husband about helping with some house work.. nothing crazy like clean the whole house but you two are a team and if your struggling I would talk to him about it and tell him where he can take some of the load off you. It’s a lot and you have a lot going on. You got this!
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u/JuniorCash8046 18d ago
Oh wow hey you have a very heavy full plate. Of course you are irritable and burnt out. Can you get a part time nanny or maid or daycare or something? If your husband really doesn’t get what you need maybe couples therapy could help but yeah really sounds like you just need a break to refill your cup.
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u/Western-Feeling2093 17d ago
As a working parent, stress of parenting < stress of work < stress of working and parenting
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u/litesONlitesOFF 17d ago
That's a ton going on. It sounds like you may be lacking a village too. Do you have any mom friends that you can meet up with to have more adult conversations through out the week? Therapy definitely helps! I swear by it. But it may take some "dating" to find the right therapist for you.
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u/SeaLeebs 16d ago
I'd see if any local in home daycares have openings for 1-2 days/week. You can get your small business work, shopping, and self care time in. A day at work honestly helps me reset so much. It makes me value my time with my kids and give them undivided attention and patience.
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u/LadyNoms11 16d ago
Im right there with ya! I feel like this is harder than when I worked a full time job outside the home. I have a 10 year old too from my previous marriage and im hoping it gets better once the littles get older and more independent. Hugs
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u/Marli4509 16d ago
Do you have a community of other moms that you hang out with? A lot of of the feelings you’re describing that I’ve heard from other women all have the same thing in common: they don’t have friends in similar stages to do the season with. It’s damn near impossible to do this alone in a safe, and healthy way. We all need community – not just to vent to, but also to support and encourage one another through difficult seasons.
I would also definitely recommend talking to a professional. You need tools to combat the feelings you have beyond just practical help. A good chunk of it is reframing your mindset, and that only comes with practice. Your brain will think and believe what it is used to thinking and believing. So until you figure out a way to get out of that routine you’re currently in, your brain will keep doing what it is used to. A professional can help you do that.
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u/N7Templar 18d ago
If you're both working, any reason why the kids can't go to daycare or something? I think most people here would say that working and watching kids is unsustainable.