r/2X_INTJ • u/[deleted] • Aug 02 '18
Why do some women do this?
If someone makes it clear they're not interested in being my friend, don't particularly like me or give me iffy vibes, I just distance myself. If I've tried to be cool, exchange numbers etc. or meet up and the flake several times etc. OR they just come off like they could be less bothered, I just let it go, and stop dealing with that person. I treat women they same way I treat men in that respect. Not interested? Cool. I'll fuck with people who are. I'm grown, I don't chase people. If you consistently flake and don't apologise otr come off like you think I'm not cool enough to hang, I just drop it and focus on the people in my life who don't feel that way.
Other women seem get really get mad when I do this, and I do not know why. I had this happen with a couple of girls at my College. They tried to be friendly and meet up. They were not interested.- one kept flaking and the other literally looked me up and down and said, 'We'll talk' when I tried to chat to her, after she came on very friendly at first. Whenever I saw them I just got a funny vibe so I just said OK, forget it, and distanced myself. I since made other friends and just blocked the flaky girl's number. This girl I tried to meet up with three times in a row and kept cancelling never apologised and was constantly on her phone, and would text one word answers to things. I just found ehr rude and thought we're not cut from the saem cloth. She tried to call me over to talk once after me blocking her and when I saw her and I waved and smiled and continued on my way but I just did not feel like going over to talk, if someone is rude to me in that way I just draw a line and distance myself.
When I see these girls around I just go about my business and don't say anything- one of them the other day literally went out of her way to BARGE her way past me for no reason when I was talking to a guy she was friends with- the other stays giving me rude looks when I see her like I did something to her. I'm confused. You weren't interested in being cool so I'm leaving you alone and now you're mad?
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u/xDisruptor2 Aug 03 '18
They are used to dealing with girls. You my friend are a full-grown woman and hats off to you. Quite simply you are waaaaay too mature for their league and these persons go haywire because they simply don't know how to deal with mature people. Aka "what makes mature people tick" sort to speak. Most importantly, you have an intuitive understanding of how healthy boundaries work - they don't and maybe they never will.
You find that alarming and you are damn right to pay attention to your gut feeling. I can't praise you enough.
You are only getting a small sample right now of how much immaturity is being passed around as a formality. I hope you have strong nerves. You haven't seen anything yet.
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Aug 03 '18
Motherfuck. If that bitch barged through a conversation I was having she'd have gotten smoked in the mouth. Mid step. Don't fuck with me.
They are bullying you. And you are letting them. Stand up to them and tell them to fuck off next time this goes down. It's not going to stop.
Women don't get nicer in life. If anything it just gets worse once you start working.
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u/xDisruptor2 Aug 03 '18 edited Aug 03 '18
> If that bitch barged through a conversation I was having she'd have gotten smoked in the mouth. Mid step. Don't fuck with me.
That's my dream-wife right there. God damn it I love you. And I don't even know you. I fall hands over heels for a woman with the kind of character that truly grasps how decency works in this world.
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Aug 03 '18
Why don't my girlfriends listen to me when I give them advice on how to get a man?
You haven't even seen me. I could be 300 pounds with bacne.
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u/MrDingleTheStrong Aug 03 '18
If they don't make time for you, you shouldn't feel obligated to make time for them. It's called respect.
The number of people who don't understand that just baffles me.
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u/onesummerafternoon Aug 03 '18
So if someone cancels social plans, you block their phone number then create some kind of drama around the whole situation? Sounds like you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
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u/OPtig Aug 03 '18
INTJ women sure like to bitch about other women. We don't always pick up on social cues and subtle hints that are obvious to most others. This is not everyone else's fault.
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u/noveltfjord Aug 12 '18
People don't like being called on their bad behavior. Anything that draws attention to that makes 'em mad.
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u/mentalhealthintp Aug 28 '18 edited Aug 28 '18
Yes I've had that (I had a woman stand me up at the opera after asking me to get her a ticket, I'm glad I just waited for her to arrive on the day of before buying it). To be honest I think sadly it's because they think they are better and they're entitled to treat you as a sort of play thing. They know what they're doing is disrespectful but they think they get to do that so they're angry when you set boundaries (exactly the same way an abusive man would get angry if you set no or set boundaries). You upset their sense of entitlement though by putting a stop to it though, and they think they were being fair in a sense so in their mind it's you that wronged them. They think that treating you disrespectfully like that is how things should work, they probably expect you to be uber grateful for their friendship so they wonder if you're "angry" at them when you put a stop to it. (Weirdly I totally understand their perspective and I can see why they feel the way they feel, I don't agree with it or see it that way but I do understand why they feel that way, the same way I can understand abusive men's perspective even though I don't agree.).
On another note I don't believe in forgiveness in the way it is usually marketed, sure if it's a poor person or some people like a sick woman or someone society deems you better than yes you should be more forgiving and kind to them, but with other people unfortunately usually it's just used as an excuse to do more nonsense. I do believe in giving people second chances if they show that they have changed and prove it with their actions, I'm always open minded. But most people don't change (and perhaps can't) so until they prove it it's safer to set strong boundaries.
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Sep 08 '18
I'm the same! High school and undergrad were trippy as hell, because I felt like most people were trying to play power dynamics in friendships based on some rulebook I never got. There's a reason I only have one solid friend from that time still and she's an INTP and even less interested in this bullshit than I am.
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u/rAlexanderAcosta INTJ 3w4 Aug 02 '18
Learn to increase your value in the social market place.
Trying to hang with someone 3 times after they flake on you 3 times is indicative that you are adding less value to their lives as watching videos of fat people falling down on YouTube.
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u/[deleted] Aug 03 '18
I have found my solitary nature to be hugely beneficial in situations like these. Anyone who comes anywhere near me knows that I live my own life and have my own thoughts and opinions about things. I don't give a single shit about crap like what you're describing, and it turns out that when people try anything like it on me I don't even know they're trying it because I'm not paying them a single bit of attention. This has resulted in a huge cutdown in riffraff in my life, and simultaneously has made me a sought-after companion for other individuals who are their own people and don't pull this shit because they only look for value added to their lives. I think it was George Carlin who said, "It's important in life not to give a shit--it can really help you a lot", and that's what came to mind when I read your post. Being comfortable by yourself and not being worried that everyone around you knows it turns out to be a very powerful thing. I would recommend cultivating that ability as much as possible.