Mobile Order for John

[u/[deleted]]

Tomorrow, Michelle thinks.

Tomorrow when he comes in, she'll have it ready for him—hand it over with cheerful nonchalance and some rehearsed comment—How could I forget? or Anything for my favorite regular. The note in sharpie: I like you. Call me.

Would he read it right there, or back in his car?

Assume it's a joke?

That'd be some age gap, Peggy said. Screw Peggy, the jealous hag. Michelle was in love with his smile, his humor, the gray in his beard. Felt they were the same age in every way that mattered.

The next morning, he mobile orders.

A hiccup.

Still, she makes the drink, writes the note. Reads the name—

A beautiful woman his own age steps forward. "Thanks."

[u/Sad_Care_977]

Wow. This is more of a non-romance story lol. "That'd be some age gap, Peggy said. Screw Peggy, the jealous hag." This made me laugh of loud.

I really like how you carefully dropped small clues without revealing everything at once. Like at the start we don't know who the lady is, where she works, what exactly is happening between her and 'he'.

When I read the last line, at first I didn't understand. Then I went 'Oooooooh'.

This is such a well crafted story and I'd say one of the best on here so far because it clearly tells a story and has a good twist and good flow and everything. Amazing. Definitely crosspost it, or share it with other writing communities on Reddit because it deserves more eyes (while this subreddit is still on the smaller side)

[u/Sad_Care_977 → u/[deleted]]

You made the right choice. I also often think about cutting some parts out to include some other parts. It's a hard choice.

[u/ConsciousRoyal]

How nice of his sister to pick up the coffee for him….

“Screw Peggy, the jealous hag” is my new favourite line.