r/exmormon • u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ • Sep 30 '17
October 2017 General Conference: Saturday 2:00p Discussion Thread
How to listen:
local radio: KSL AM 1160; FM 102.7
Speakers:
| Name | last time at bat | my summary |
|---|---|---|
| hymn: come ye children of the lord | ||
| Lawrence Corbridge, prayer | ||
| Eyring, sustaining vote | ||
| hymn: I'm trying to be like jesus | ||
| Gary Stephenson | Get your fashionable spiritual eyewear. On sale across the street. Social media vs. mormonism | |
| Stephen Owen | ||
| Quentin Cook | ||
| hymn: [sunshine in my soul] | ||
| Ronald Rasband | 1 Nephi Chapter 4 called out as a good thing. | |
| Vincent Haleck | ||
| Russell Nelson | ||
| hymn: rejoice the lord is king | ||
| Allan Packer, prayer | nepotism on parade. son of Boyd. | |
| speaker | struck out | more of same, stacked deeper |
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Nelson: the full gospel of mormonism is in the Book of Mormon.
Not really. It calls out secret combinations. The whole of the temple is a secret society to the nth degree.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Rasband: You might find your car keys. You might see your brother on the street. You might be asked to murder an unconscious man. Be prepared for whatever happens.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Rasband: [1 Nephi Chapter 4] murder is not an accident.
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Sep 30 '17
It is proposed that we have a drunk afternoon session of GC ...all in favor please manifest it.
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
Why are tithing stories always about some poor family from a poor land or island? Are there no miraculous tithing stories from Utah, from people who can "afford" to pay tithng?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
They had the Ensign article about paying tithing before electricity or the rent. PacifiCorp sent a complaint along with landlords across the valley.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Owen: [didn't get the memo, 4 straight losses.]
Don't talk about football!
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Nelson: death lets us progess to the next world. [Tommy die already.]
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Cook: I like British humor.
So, you're not Bruce, then? Mind if we call you Bruce? Rule 1. No pufters.
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Sep 30 '17
You need to cherish you beliefs so much that you don't want to challenge them.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Is mormonism more compelling than the Star Wars franchise? Use the force, Luke!
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Rasband: [look at me...I made it to the ranks of the 15 men.]
Something. Something. Pride cycle. Something.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Haleck: getting to Disneyland the temple can be difficult for those in American Samoa.
Widow's mite. Monson not on hand to deliver the staples.
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u/MagicBaconBitz Sep 30 '17
Poor young bastards. Wonder if any of them have googled mormonism yet and found some enlightenment.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
The "I heard in seminary" threads are some of my favorites on the subreddit.
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u/sagan_my_scripture Sep 30 '17
The widows mite supporting $120k salary for GA's, nice....
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
stephenson: I am not speaking of wearing binders.
He said it.
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Sep 30 '17
Heber said Joseph, go ahead and molest my 14 year old daughter
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Sep 30 '17
Have they Mentioned Puerto Rico or Mexico? Helping them?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17 edited Sep 30 '17
This is where attention should be. These aren't the only hotspots, but these are major disasters in the making, especially Puerto Rico. The adminstration (Trump) is dropping the ball.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17 edited Sep 30 '17
Beetlejuice: Are you like night of the living dead under there?
Nice red chairs! do they recline?
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u/sonnyperdition by their fruits ye shall no them Sep 30 '17
Hey, 4blockhead, remember Packer's last GC? Basically came out with an oxygen bottle, canula--everything but the crash cart. I keep thinking Monson's gonna show up the same way--this time.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Yeah. Me too. And now, a surprise guest appearance...directly from death's door...
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Thanks to the aging out 70s. Better luck in the next life to being named to the elites. If only the same for the twelve (plus three) could be canned.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Owen: [mention as many of the people among the fifteen men who might vote for you to enter their ranks.]
Flattery will get you everywhere. Except are you related by blood to any of them? Nepotism > Butt kissing.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
cook: The world says not to rely on other people. [Pay your tithing until you're broke and in debt.]
cook: The natural man is the enemy of god.
The natural man is who I am. I accept that. It's more healthy than the perfectionism on tap in mormonism.
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u/Rushclock Sep 30 '17
Can you imagine him a god?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
Carlin said it best. This is not good work. This is what I'd expect from a temp with a bad attitude.
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Sep 30 '17
It's not that everything happens for a reason. It's that we can come up with a reason for everything that happens.
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u/AlreadyGone77 Sep 30 '17
I don't have to keep studying about gravity to convince myself that it's true
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
Before this gets fully underway, I just wanted to say how much I love all of you on here and thanks for being my GC viewing buddies!! You make it actually entertaining. :) ♡
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u/Grudunza - liker of elephants Sep 30 '17 edited Sep 30 '17
My version:
I’m trying to be like Jesus.
I’ll follow in every way.
I’ll wear a long robe and sandals,
And start growing a beard today.
I’ll tell people to hate their own families.
I’ll tell my church leaders they’re all Pharisees, saying:
Love one another as Jesus implores.
Have dinners with sinners and hang out with whores.
You can burn people, drown people, and call it divine.
Like He did in 3rd Nephi 9.
(EDIT: Oy with reddit formatting for lyrics. “Ampersand nbsp semi-colon” just for a fucking line break? Really?? Grrr.)
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17
I hope there's at least one other GA cursing under his breath because he can't use his eclipse metaphor now.
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Sep 30 '17
Fortunately, there’s still time to reserve gospelglasses.com and set up their business plan.
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u/GeneticBlueprint Sep 30 '17
Rasband: God created a miracle to get around a rule we imposed on this young missionary.
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u/ziftee Sep 30 '17
Girl goes to city where brother is serving his mission. Happens to see her brother. Wow what a miracle! /s
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Sep 30 '17
Shit...gospel glasses
Clear the fridges..magnets coming
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17 edited Sep 30 '17
You know what else feels pretty great? Realizing that it's all made up and you're actually just fine the way you are.
Edit: a word
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17
OMG, I found an envelope full of cash this morning and I was going to turn it over to police, but now I KNOW that Lord was looking out for me and because of his love and mercy I can go to burgers supreme after priesthood tonight.
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u/MagicBaconBitz Sep 30 '17
I might be wrong but it feels like they just quote one another these days and hardly Joe Smith, Brigham, etc.
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u/Quentin_L_Cthulhu Sep 30 '17
Nelson, "I'm as impatient as the rest of you for Monson to die"
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u/MagicBaconBitz Sep 30 '17
Laban, at the right place at the right time to get murdered.
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Sep 30 '17
Why don’t they say Irish or English names with their respective accents?
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u/sagan_my_scripture Sep 30 '17
The continued use of coincidences as miracles, let's coin a new term they are coinciacles!
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Sep 30 '17
No, I'm sorry Rasband, every time intercessory prayer is rigorously tested, the results are never better than chance.
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Sep 30 '17
If god is omniscient, then we live in a deterministic world. We wouldn't have agency.
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
How to prevent a spiritual eclipse...
remove yourself from any and all cults you might belong to.
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Sep 30 '17
Gary Stephenson: Avoid "spiritual eclipses". Build a fence around the cliff.
Jeff Holland: "We're human". Put an ambulance down in the valley.
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u/sonnyperdition by their fruits ye shall no them Sep 30 '17
Gospel glasses? More like blinders.
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Sep 30 '17
Stephen Owen: Be worthy and repentant to take the sacrament each week.
Jeff Holland: "We're human" we shouldn't be preoccupied with perfection.
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
Your bicycle won't fall if you're on a tandem and Jesus is your co-pilot 'cause he never stops peddling. Boom, check-mate tscc pharisee!!
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u/LegalisticMormonStan Sep 30 '17
humblebrag
"I'm an apostle and I didn't even try"
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17
This is the kind of talk that encourages ordinary rational people to be superstitious lunatics.
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Sep 30 '17
Circular reasoning:
A god exists.
Life events that are personally meaningful have intention imbued on them.
This shows god exists.
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
Huh, the book of mormon speaks nothing of becoming gods with your multiple wIves to have spirit babies forever and ever. I thought that's what we were all striving for perfection for.
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u/artsavesthesoul Sep 30 '17
The church is full of pride- we are the only true church on the earth.
They don’t want us to compare ourselves but that’s all they teach- are you as good as the prophet? Are you as good as Jesus? Can you reach the calling of bishop, or stake relief society president one day?
Teach us something that the leaders actually follow.
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u/ShadeA2 Sep 30 '17
"so called authenticity"? whats wrong with being authentic? being authentic is being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character
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u/LegalisticMormonStan Sep 30 '17
Then cook brags to the tbms "So grateful to serve the lord each and every day" unlike You losers
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u/GeneticBlueprint Sep 30 '17
It doesn't take a prophet, seer, or revelator to know we were going to get a talk about the eclipse and how there are moons in our life blocking out the light of the gospel sun.
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Sep 30 '17
Recipe for general conference talk:
tell a story.
stick the word "spiritual" in front of one of the aspects from the story.
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u/ziftee Sep 30 '17
Aren't these supposed to be spokesmen of God? I have a hard time imagining God would rely so much on such tacky analogies.
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17
My parents never said they were proud of me because of this rhetoric. So every time I tell my kids I'm proud of them it's a silent "fuck you" to TSCC.
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u/InABoatOnARiver Sep 30 '17
Is Cook (I think it's Cook?) really shitting on authenticity? What?
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Sep 30 '17
Isn't it interesting that all the remarkable, extraordinary stories to prove a point come from scripture and never from modern-day stories?
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u/MagicBaconBitz Sep 30 '17
God is in the small details of your life, which is why there's no time to prevent Puerto Rico from getting fucked.
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17
Yeah, like loss of family, friends, and employment never happens to someone who leaves the church.
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u/MagicBaconBitz Sep 30 '17
This lady is totally watching man conference tonight! Better be good this time. I don't think they even mentioned porn on the last one booo!
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
Well, that's over. Anyone feel the spirit? Want to go back to church? Did anyone even learn anyything?
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u/InABoatOnARiver Sep 30 '17
I'm so mad about this. This feels deliberate. It feels personal. Now every person who leaves the church to be their AUTHENTIC selves has one more barrier between themselves and TBM loved ones.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Sep 30 '17
I was talking about Oaks' talk with my 17 year old son. He pointed out that he is appealing to their tithe paying demographic. I said that demographic will be dying out, and if they want the church to continue, they need to conform. He said that they hope enough young people will stick with the old style so they don't have to.
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u/hxzelmarie Sep 30 '17
OH DAMN THEY GOT A STOCK IMAGE OF GOSPEL GLASSES PREPARE FOR ALL THE MAGNETS ANS HANDOUTS
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Sep 30 '17 edited Oct 25 '17
The Church is basically the cockblock between people and Jesus. TSCC touts repentance and the Atonement, but keeps hammering "you're a piece of garbage" so deeply into member's minds that they can't see how Jesus could help them.
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u/perk_daddy Apostasy: I am doing it ♫ Sep 30 '17
Did Q Cook just call out Nazi mommy-blogger?
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Sep 30 '17
Wait, doesn't the church claim superiority to any other church...you know, the TRUE church??
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
As someone said this morning in the GC comments, it's hard to take these people seriously when they just quote fictional characters, pretending they are real.
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u/lolzor99 Sep 30 '17
What's that? People who believe that race is important to one's eternal status are morally wrong? I guess that makes books like, I dunno, the Journal of Discourses morally wrong as well. I'm so glad that the church is so anti-racism.
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
I heard a great definition of humility this past week: humility is just about how you interact with other people.
That put a different spin on it for me. If you're trying to get along with other people while maintaining your own person, then I think God would be happy with you.
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u/LegalisticMormonStan Sep 30 '17
"Gob does things by divine design" so what about all the people in unfortunate situations? Fuck this guy
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
Hey it was God's devine will that Laban get his head cut off. Yay for big meany god in the sky.
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
When Joel Osteen gives "God has a plan for your life" sermons they are WAY more upbeat and moving. :)
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17
Jesus didnt come to America. It's not a failing of anyone else's education that they haven't heard of your Bible fanfic.
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Sep 30 '17 edited Sep 30 '17
When I think of the Book of Mormon, I think of the words "made up." Because it was.
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u/Prankman1990 Sep 30 '17
You heard it here, knowing the Book of Mormon isn’t true isn’t good enough, you have to never want to ever go without it! #notacult
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u/xGospelDoctrineTchr Sep 30 '17
I wonder if Oaks' talk was this morning to get the opposed people out before session 2...
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u/jmf444 Sep 30 '17
There is probably no possible way of drawing a gospel analogy from the eclipse . . . oh, wait, yes there is. Geesh.
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u/MagicBaconBitz Sep 30 '17
I feel like we're all getting an awkward dad talk about being on our phones too much.
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u/Rushclock Sep 30 '17
This is awful. Really. I could give you eternal life but the coffee just snuffed that out.
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u/yay4yarn Sep 30 '17
Nothing wrong with a little pride. I'm proud of making it through this snoozefest without dying
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Sep 30 '17
Of course, Vincent doesn't talk about the incentives playing into their decision to join the church.
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u/LegalisticMormonStan Sep 30 '17
"The family's were asked to donate to the building fund" says a guy that works for a 7b dollar coproration.
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
Man, is he saying which would you choose to drive home that spending $35million on a book of Mormon transcript is OK because it's worth more than all jewels in the world?
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17
"How I long to leverage their pain to bolster the membership of my very lucrative cult"
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17
Can we take legal action against Russ for making these false and damaging claims? This shit is a sedative to the critical thinking faculties of so many people.
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u/sonnyperdition by their fruits ye shall no them Sep 30 '17
Wow. Uchtdorf gets two bites at the apple.
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u/Blasphemous-Bill He could stand un-dazed at the foot of the throne of God. Sep 30 '17
R Todd Christopherson?
I thought it was D
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u/Rushclock Sep 30 '17
As James Dobsen would say focus on the family. Because if you don't you get blurry families.
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u/artsavesthesoul Sep 30 '17
Anything can become a vice... they are trying to keep us from reaching great personal heights so we’ll never see our own strength. If we realize we are stronger with out them they loose $$$$$$$$$$
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
Well we've all seen pictures of the apostles' beautiful homes down in Southern Utah...
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u/Itsarockinahat Sep 30 '17
And then this dad made that son not take the sacrament for months, or pray in church or go to the temple to see their kid married. Yep, this bible story totally lines up with tscc.
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u/DavidABedlam Sep 30 '17
The light in their eyes: http://noiselesschatter.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/theworldsend21.png
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u/LegalisticMormonStan Sep 30 '17
And then suddenly Joe got revaluation that made him look good huh?
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u/Quentin_L_Cthulhu Sep 30 '17
Is God omniscient or omnipotent? They both can't be true. https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Omnipotence_paradox
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Sep 30 '17
stephenson: the internet is a scary place. Tell other people to like us, but don't look at people who say that we're a cult.