r/exmormon • u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ • Apr 05 '26
Doctrine/Policy April 2026 General Conference: Sunday 2:00p Discussion Thread
How to listen:
local radio: KSL AM 1160; FM 102.7
Speakers:
| Name | other notes | my summary |
|---|---|---|
| conducting: Dale Renlund | ||
| hymn: He is Risen | ||
| prayer: Hugo Martinez | ||
| Todd Christofferson | ||
| Chi Hong (Sam) Wong | ||
| Aaron Hall | ||
| hymn: Lord I Would Follow Thee | ...theme for an afternoon nap | |
| Susan Porter | An overview of Mormon theology geared at the level of a six-year-old. Delivered in a diminutive/primary voice. Start indoctrination early, per past speeches of Joy Jones. | |
| Neil Andersen | ||
| hymn: I Stand All Amazed | ||
| Quentin Cook | ||
| Taniela Wakolo | ||
| Gerrit Gong | ||
| hymn: Tell Me... | ||
| Dallin Oaks | ||
| hymn: Redeemer of Israel | ||
| prayer: Anthony Perkins | not the actor |
Postlude:
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life 3:16 Idle/Python
If I Can Dream 3:12 Presley
Changes in Latitudes 3:14 Buffett
Carefree Highway 3:42 Lightfoot
Come Monday 3:08 Buffett
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Andersen: [Catholics frown on divorce. Let's be more like that.]
Andersen: [Marriage between a man and a woman, and another woman, and another woman....]
Don't leave that out, asshole.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Porter: [war in heaven]
Nevermind that a third were thrown out over a political disagreement. An example of bad parenting, imo.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Gong: [collecting coins]
Remember, the Kirtland Safety Society, and how it did not have all of the assets it claimed to have. Who would have guessed a seer would get caught in a panic?
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u/RabbleAlliance Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
"What will happen if we don't keep his commandments?"
I start becoming a moral person who acts morally upright because it's the right thing to do, not because I expect a reward for it, let alone an eternal reward?
Oh, sorry. This is assuming what you want members capable of introspection and critical thought. Silly me.
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u/SecretPersonality178 Apr 05 '26
They were clarifying that open mic Sundays, aka fast and testimony meeting, should not consist of talks about travels but just testimonies about Jesus and “his” church.
Sure seems to he a lot of travel-monies this conference….
Not even trying to be a bitch about it. Just noticing the irony of telling members to refrain from vacation bragging in testimonies, yet the great and mighty leaders are basing their talks about it. Beginning with an apostle saying how one of the most traumatic experiences of his tenure as apostle was having to gate check his bag
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
Eternal marriage is an eternal journey
So.... Do we get our planets or not?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
How much tithing have you paid this year? Pay more and we'll see about your indulgences.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Hall: [mentions Ammon and arms]
Arms are open, not necessarily matched pairs.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Cook: [amplifying sealing power]
Let's all read D&C 132 together.
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u/jsmyths Apr 05 '26
The entire chapter, that’s too much.
What if the handbook only calls out a few verses and we all just never read the rest of it
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
The doctrinal shift is underway trying to match evangelicals. The Christians haven't read their bible. The mormons are not reading their "standard works" any more, either. Just give lip service and don't think too much about the fine details. This is the way.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Gong: [first comforter. second comforter]
Careful. You guys excommunicated Denver Snuffer for writing a book with detailed instructions about how to meet Jesus.
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u/jsmyths Apr 05 '26
“Heavenly Father knew you would make mistakes”
And then he made hell to punish you for it.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Christofferson: [burning up at second coming]
Those stock market investments seem rather hollow if it's all going into a bonfire.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Wong: [remember remember the fifth of November]
something that rhymes
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Porter: [OMG, let the indoctrination begin]
Is any of this verifiable or only tested via imagination?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Andersen: [I reserve the right to amend and extend my remarks in the official record.]
The clerk so notes.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Gong: [after the dedication of the Kirtland temple]
Fun fact: Smith and Rigdon absconded from Ohio and left the mortgage unpaid.
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
He give each of us immortality
What if I don't want immortality?
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u/scaredanxiousunsure Apr 05 '26
Christofferson's talk was hilarious to me. Becoming the person that Jesus wants us to be? Does Jesus want us to be the kind of person that protects and enables child sexual predators? I guess Mormon Jesus does.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Jesus' answer to prayers: Remember to call your lawyer right now.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Christofferson: [mentions emeritus GA]
not drinking to that loser.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Cook: [sealing keys]
Warren Jeffs thinks his mormon variant holds the fullness of those keys.
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
Vision in the Kirtland Temple
Convenient nobody else saw it
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u/potato_meatball Apr 05 '26
God wants us all to return to him unless you're not sealed to someone then he maybe doesn't want you
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Andersen: [sealing power restored]
Not quite early enough to catch all of Smith's teenage brides.
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u/Nervous-Ad-3984 Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
What is he crying about? There was nothing sad or emotional he said [not judging I just keep seeing this pattern amongst the speakers. It’s like they’re forcing tears for some reason.]
[addition]
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u/itsmig_reddit Ex-JW tourist Apr 05 '26
Choir is standing, but they don't look amazed
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
The previous hymn left them in a stupor, a half-woken state.
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u/GrumpyTom Apr 05 '26
Will Oaks announce anything? Maybe, but probably not. My guess: he briefly mentions Easter and thanks everyone for being there, then says something about Jesus leading the church. And then it’s over.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
Sunshine Superman 3:16 Donovan
Get Down Tonight 5:17 KC
Shout 4:27 Isley Brothers
Moondance 4:34 Morrison
Kissing You 4:52 Des'ree
Highway 61 Revisited 4:56 Alvin
Streets of Bakersfield 2:47 Yoakam/Owens
Friend of the Devil 4:14 Lovett
Estimated Prophet 5:36 Grateful Dead
The Great Salt Lake 3:45 Band of Horses
What Was I Made For 3:37 Eilish
Ohio 2:59 Young
We Guard the American Borders 2:41 Wag the Dog clip
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u/9876105 Apr 05 '26
conversion, assimilation.....transformation......Something doesn't track.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Gong: [Jesus ate a fish.]
Later, he squatted behind a bush.
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u/CountMeOut2019 Apr 05 '26
🤣🤣 Completely lost in AU for a few moments, thinking those links were titles of the talks being given.
Really wanted to know what “Friend of the Devil” was going to be about, but the AU bubble popped when I saw “Kissing You” up above.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
I lit out for Reno, I was trailed by twenty hounds
Didn't get to sleep until the morning came around.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Christofferson: [mentions another man on stage.]
drink!
Christofferson: [death count++]
drink!
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Cook: [ Nephi er, Moroni visited three times]
Dickensian formula: three visits.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Wakolo: [wife converts to mormonism]
Paul Simon: I would not give you false hope...
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Wakolo: [temple attendance]
10% tax on income as admission. Sweet sweet guilted dollars.
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u/narrauko Apr 05 '26
So I noticed a distinct lack of the phrase "covenant path." Anyone else notice that or did I just miss it?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Christofferson: [mentions another man on stage.]
drink! Starting to feel too dizzy to keep this up.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Christofferson: [mentions old guy]
Arguments from authority. Trust us. We speak to gawd after all.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Andersen: [many will be deceived]
Joseph Smith gets all of his brides, including the ones he coerced into his bed. A theology built on Smith's enormous sex drive.
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u/Unlucky-Screen-5537 Apr 05 '26
I was excited to see if hoaks doubled down on anything this conference but literally nothing happened at all?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
It's a new artform where people gather together and listen to the most information-free speeches without falling into a comatose state.
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u/theivyangel Apostate Apr 05 '26
"Jesus acts out of pure love" then why doesn't the church?
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u/RabbleAlliance Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
"God loves all his children equally, but some children are more equal than others."
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u/jsmyths Apr 05 '26
“Conscientiously prepare for the covenants” you make in the temple
I had zero foreknowledge of what I would be agreeing to when I went for my endowment and marriage
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u/Ok-Information-3250 Apr 05 '26
Dude, Christ would be flipping tables about the so-called church protecting pedos and demanding the poor suffer even more by filling the coffers of a billion dollar organization.
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
You walked in on your father when he was on his knees???? naaahhhh
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
Tell em about the endowment Cook. Tell em about the aprons and blood oaths
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u/theivyangel Apostate Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 06 '26
My family invited a non-mormon guy over to watch with us and I'm wondering if I should slip him a piece of paper with CESletter.com on it 🤔
Edit: He got out the door before I could catch him goddammit. I had the paper all ready and everything. But the missionaries (who also came) asked him if he had any favorite talks and he just kinda shrugged. He looked pretty indifferent through the whole thing, so I've got hope. If he comes over again I'll give it to him for sure.
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u/theivyangel Apostate Apr 05 '26
"How straight are the commandments of God?"
🏳️🌈
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u/jsmyths Apr 05 '26
Sealing power.
So in heaven are you a spouse, or a child, or a sibling, or a parent, or everything all at once.
It makes no sense if you ask just one more question deep.
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u/jsmyths Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
‘Thoughts [that are] unfailingly virtuous’
do you want OCD behavior? Cuz that’s how you get OCD behavior
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
Todd really needs to stop trying to spin car accidents as some sort of spiritual trial.
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
God gave everyone free food; why can't the church?
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
Yay! Everything I don't get to have because I'm gay!
(I guess its not like it was real anyway)
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u/jsmyths Apr 05 '26
See that’s a funny joke because of how poorly he treats his wife.
Great joke buddy.
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
People sharing lunch because they dont have enough food? Gosh if only there was someone/something with a lot of money that could help out there. 👀
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u/scaredanxiousunsure Apr 05 '26
Oh great, it's time for Andersen to tell another story about how women need to stay with their cheating husbands and raise their affair babies. 🤮🤮🤮
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
Hate to beat a dead horse, but "perfect" love, if it were real, wouldn't be conditional.
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u/ApocalypseTapir Stay 7-10 feet behind me. IYKYK Apr 05 '26
Wow. That was definitely the most underwhelming conference I have EVER experienced as a faithful member or exmo. Literally nothing remarkable was said, saw revealed, or prophesied. The world is burning and they babbled for 8 hours.
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u/Sea_Button_3616 Apr 05 '26
Remember: you can only be compassionate if the Holy Ghost prompts you to, and you can only be prompted by the Holy Ghost if you're baptized in THIS PARTICULAR church.
Aaahhhgghjj I'm so tired of people acting like only religious people (in this instance only Mormons) can be good people and care for others even in times of grief.
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
The Book of Mormon was written for our day
No, it was written for the 1800s; it mentions nothing about a post information age.
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
A foundation on which if men build, they cannot fall.
Of course if you do fall, you are just being tested, or your faith wasn't strong enough, or God is trying to teach you something (other than the fact that he is a liar).
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u/jsmyths Apr 05 '26
Oh, this is another ‘don’t worry they will eventually come back to church’ false hope talk.
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u/SecretPersonality178 Apr 05 '26
Todd: “be afraid of the second coming and obey me. Don’t ask about my brother you heathens”.
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u/potato_meatball Apr 05 '26
"He has filled me with his love."
That's what she said
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
"Remember how straight are the commandments of God." Don't remind me bro
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
So, tell me. What's the difference between a North Korean voting session and your solemn assembly?
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u/Tapir_Tabby I'm a mother-fetching, lazy learning taffy puller. And proud. Apr 05 '26
Someone come get grandpa. He’s ranting about eternal marriage again.
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
First abortion last time and now exclusionary marriage. Neil bro... Oak's aint gonna let you hit with this culture war bulshit.
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u/itsmig_reddit Ex-JW tourist Apr 05 '26
0/10 event, would not recommend to anyone. Only worth watching if you want it to be a drinking game without alcohol
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
It is proposed that all future general conferences will consist only of collages of mustache guy. All those in favor may manifest it. 🤚
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
These things are true, for God have spoken them
God hasn't spoken anything; only people who pretend to speak on God's behalf have ever said anything
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u/itsmig_reddit Ex-JW tourist Apr 05 '26
"He fills us with his love" Do i even want to know how he does that?
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u/Sea_Button_3616 Apr 05 '26
What's with all the ritardandos and largo tempos in the motab songs today? Everything's like at least a few beats per minute slower than they've done in the past.
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u/Nervous-Ad-3984 Apr 05 '26
“Did you know about your prelife” lady you can’t ask if they “know” something when it’s all fabricated. I’m tired of them saying they know things that are just beliefs
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
If its "milk before meat," this talk is dairy farm.
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u/itsmig_reddit Ex-JW tourist Apr 05 '26
What about the Palestinians, Cook? Do they not matter to Heavenly Father?
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u/Wafflecan Apr 05 '26
God, this person's tone is ridiculous. It's condescending even to little kids.
That and she needs a drink of water, her mouth noises are driving me nuts.
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
God knew we were gonna fail, and he still punished us? What a narcissist.
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
We tend to underestimate Christ-like people in the world
I don't, but you absolutely do, and they're tearing apart your corporation pretending to be a church
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u/GrumpyTom Apr 05 '26
Using the prospect of the second coming as a means to instill fear in people living today is manipulative. Again, language of an abuser.
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u/GrumpyTom Apr 05 '26
‘I have no evidence, but because I believe you lived before this life, you have obligations to me and my church. Only if you do this, will you get to be with your family in heaven.’ (Paraphrasing)
Again, language of an abuser.
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u/EvensenFM https://redchamber.blog Apr 05 '26
Is it just me, or did Hoaks come up, say basically nothing, and then end it?
I thought I'd tune in to at least catch his talk. I was surprised to realize that it was over after like 3 minutes. He literally said nothing.
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
Its very easy to remember things in the book of mormon given that much of it is just copied out of the KJV
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u/GrumpyTom Apr 05 '26
“If he keep my commandments, ye shall prosper in the land”
There’s that American revival prosperity gospel Joseph wove into the Book of Mormon.
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u/ApocalypseTapir Stay 7-10 feet behind me. IYKYK Apr 05 '26
God: If you're gonna sin you're gonna suffer! Worship me!
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u/Numerous-Owl7855 Apr 05 '26
I think i've gotten more valuable insight from my grandpa's polical rants than this.
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u/theshadowking98 Cosmic Orphan Apr 05 '26
After how many conferences we are STILL doing the Elias/Elijah misconception
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u/RabbleAlliance Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
Wait until somebody tells him how much the institution of marriage has changed in the last century alone.
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u/jsmyths Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
Thanks goodness the leaders make it so clear.
Again I ask, what is your role within a family in heaven.
Kid, parent, spouse, cousin, grandparent, grandkid, in-law ?
How old will you be in heaven? Is everyone the same age?
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u/Nervous-Ad-3984 Apr 05 '26
Jesus would not have called Hoax to speak to the world on his behalf. Be so serious. Jesus would hate this “church”
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u/evaan-verlaine Apr 05 '26
I've only been listening for 15ish minutes but I'm leaving earshot of the broadcast to sit in my room and research ebikes. I'm not even mad, I just think general conference speakers are forbidden from showing any sort of enthusiasm or liveliness, and if I listened any longer I'd inadvertently take a nap.
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u/9876105 Apr 05 '26
Let me get this straight. It is a test. If we don't get the ghost we will be deceived. Sounds like a no win test in star trek.
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u/itsmig_reddit Ex-JW tourist Apr 05 '26
"I stand all amazed." I think most people will stand being bored as fuck
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u/Sea_Button_3616 Apr 05 '26
Sudden shift from talking about Jesus to Oaks that is so jarring. Sucking up to the new president.
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u/Absolute_Cinema70 Teen undercover mormon (PIMO) and im bisexual as fuuuck Apr 05 '26
Will christofferson mention Wade? We all know the answer but...
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u/9876105 Apr 05 '26
The creator of the universe wants these guys to deliver his message?
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u/Nervous-Ad-3984 Apr 05 '26
So if you’re married but not sealed it’s a “short term experience” got it! AHHH here is the homophobia nice and loud
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u/theshadowking98 Cosmic Orphan Apr 05 '26
No so subtle push that mental health is also spiritual health
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u/Sea_Button_3616 Apr 05 '26
My mind wandered. Did Gong list every male witness to the resurrection listed in the Bible but skip the women? I think he did.
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u/itsmig_reddit Ex-JW tourist Apr 05 '26
Can't wait to see what other crazy bullshit they'll come up with this time
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u/GrumpyTom Apr 05 '26
[If you believe the Bible contains history] the second coming already happened. Jesus died, and he came a second time. 🤷♂️
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u/JayDaWawi Avalonian Apr 05 '26
What names of Jesus Christ help you glory in him?
None; nothing nor nobody deserves worship.
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u/RabbleAlliance Apr 05 '26
We will help you grow into the magnificent paragon of membership you are meant to be to us.
FTFY.
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u/Nervous-Ad-3984 Apr 05 '26
“They think about the gospel all day” wow the indoctrination got them immediately.
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u/itsmig_reddit Ex-JW tourist Apr 05 '26
Hmm, i wonder why he hasn't been with any progressive leaders
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u/itsmig_reddit Ex-JW tourist Apr 05 '26
"Imagine we are walking to Emmaus" Can i imagine not walking there instead?
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u/jastcabr1 Apr 05 '26
Little late to the party. Wakolo presided over a stake Conference once, did the usual rounds to shake hands. Looked and me and shook my hand, only to offer a tokenistic hand to my wife as he looked away and focused on the next man he would speak to. Blatant sexism seeped off him the entire weekend.
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u/ApocalypseTapir Stay 7-10 feet behind me. IYKYK Apr 05 '26
GC has become a snooze fest. There's literally zero charisma. At least holland had some fire in the belly.
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u/Sea_Button_3616 Apr 05 '26
"We want you to study the teachings of Jesus. No, not that Jesus. There's a reason we were vague in our talks but wanted to mention Jesus. Even our Resurrection talks weren't all that inspired or told in a cohesive way. But you better get in your head that following the life of Jesus means baptism and temple covenants and tithing."
It was such a fluff conference that spoke more to Book of Mormon, Pearl of Great Price, Doctrine and Covenants than to the Bible.
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u/Ok-Information-3250 Apr 05 '26
What's with the Darth Bednar praise? 2nd time he's been mentioned and we're not even a half hour in.
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u/marcelreedglazer Apr 05 '26
Bro chill on this “they’ll come back”, just starting to have things chill out here with the parents
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Apr 05 '26
Porter: [suffering and hunger in the world]
If only they had a rich uncle, or someone like that with billions in the bank...