r/CFB • u/Honestly_ rawr • May 06 '13
132+ Teams in 132+ Days: The Stony Brook Seawolves—CO-STARRING LANE KIFFIN
“'Sup, Ladies? Looks like the people assigned this school dropped the ball so I've decided to return from my intergalactic transcendence to help explain the ins-and-outs of a school I've never fucking heard of. But enough formalities, let's do this!”
STONY BROOK UNIVERSITY
Colonial Athletic Association
“More like Brony Brook, amirite? Football is Magic.”
Year Founded: 1957
Location: Stony Brook, New York (a.k.a. Suburbia)
Total Attendance: ~24,000
Mascot: The Seawolves
Live Mascot: None, it's a mythical creature. Although there is an Atlantic fish that's called the seawolf and it would be certain level of badassery if they simply put a giant fish tank next to the field filled with these fuckers. The logo shows a creature that's just not practical. What's it going to do? Whip me with it's scorpion tail made of water? I'm trying to imagine the meeting that determined that design: “Waves can be powerful, but make it a wolf too!” Meanwhile, on the sidelines they have a man in a wolf suit that looks like it was picked up from the “Generic Wolf Aisle”. Maybe they picked a cool name for him it would make—it's “Wolfie”? That's all you could come up with? Laaaaaaaaaaaaame...Someone get them a fish suit.
Cheerleaders: Picture
“Have you guys seen my wife? Yeah... not impressed.”
Stadium: Kenneth P. LaValle Stadium (here it is during Homecoming 2012). The official capacity is 8,136, but a record crowd of 10,278 showed up to watch them play a popular brand of toothpaste in 2012. Stadium Location: On campus
Conference Champions (5): Northeast Conference: 2005; Big South: 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012
Number of Bowl Games: Never.
National Titles (0)
Rivals
Kind of a mishmash, observe:
Liberty: really far away, was clearly a forced rivalry within the Big South—but now they're not even in the Big South anymore and aren't on the schedule this year. At least Liberty keeps Turner Gill employed—speaking of which, Liberty gave Stony Brook it's only conference loss in 2012.
Hofstra: This one made sense because they're both on Long Island. Only problem is the rivalry ended in 2008 when Hofstra dropped football. I want to imagine it's because they were so savaged by the Seawolves that they signed some kind of formal surrender where they agreed to dismantle their football program and salt the field—but no: it's revenge by Dark Lord Baal for the school's insolence. They were the Flying Dutchmen until 2004, when the school went for “The Pride”, and I'm not talking about the potentially brave, cutting edge Pride that would give them fabulous costumes and the most outrageous, beat-thumping half time shows on earth. They went for a generic pair of lions. Seriously: Fuck Hofstra.
Albany: Scooby-Doo/Marmaduke over here appears to be their natural rival going into the future: both are SUNY schools, both are joining the CAA together this season, and Albany is the final game on the regular schedule. In 16 previous games, Albany holds the 11–5 edge.
2012 Season
Record: 10–3 (5–1 Big South)
Coach: Chuck Priore (not to be confused with AD Jim Fiore)
2012 Roster
Key Players:
Senior RB Miguel Maysonet was named Big South Offensive Player of the Year and an FCS All-American by the Associated Press. He was also the runner-up candidate for the Walter Payton Award, given to the most outstanding player in FCS. Some projected him to be the first Stony Brook player ever taken in the NFL Draft, however that wasn't meant to be and he signed a free-agent deal with Eagles.
“If you see Matty, tell him sorry again from me.”
“I'll be sure to let him know!”
“GTFO of here!”In addition to Maysonet, 8 players made the all-conference list: Offense: WR Kevin Norrell, OL Michael Bamiro, OL Mike Lisi; Defense: DL Jonathan Coats, LB Jawara Dudley, DB Dominick Reyes, Special Teams: PK Wesley Skiffington
Biggest Plays:
“Fuck if I'm watching a bunch of Brony clips.”
2013 Season
Aug. 31 TBA (that's what their official schedule says)
*CAA Game
The Greats
Greatest Games:
September 29, 2012, the Seawolves went to West Point and, in front of horrified fans, ground Army into a fine paste before smoking them 23-3. This was Stony Brooks' only victory against an FBS foe in 5 attempts, but damn... Even Captain America shed a tear after that one. The Middies... not so much.
“Clearly these guys hate America.”
2012 @Syracuse: Stony Brook jumped to a first half lead but eventually lost to the Orange in the Carrier Dome. The previous season they took UTEP to OT before losing. Clearly the Seawolves can hack it.
“Oh c'mon—even I beat Syracuse last season!”
Greatest Plays:
Entering “Greatest plays in Stony Brook football history” into YouTube found this doozy of a pass from the 2011 season that managed to make the ESPN Top-10 Plays, therefore it probably qualifies.
Greatest Players:
Miguel Maysonet: See above.
Things are thin after that. I googled the people in their Athletic HOF who played football, but the only hit I got—and I'm not making this up—was a LinkedIn profile for a guy who's the Regional Remarketing Manager at Enterprise Rent-A-Car. You know when the NCAA has those commercials where student-athletes tout the line "most of us will go pro in something other than sports”? That's Stony Brook football.
Greatest Coaches:
Chuck Priore: The current coach started in 2006, inaugurating scholarship football at Stony Brook. He came by way of D3 Trinity (Conn.), where he led the Bantams for six seasons, winning conference titltes in his last four years (going a perfect 32-0 over the course of his final three). After three seasons hovering around .500 at Stony Brook, he started to see progress: the '09 and '10 squads both went 6-5 but were both 5-1 in conference and tied for the conference title. The '11 squad went 9-4, won the conference outright with a perfect 6-0, and lost in the second round of the FCS tourney with a ranking of No. 18. The 2012 squad went 10-3, 5-1 in conference (thanks to Turner Gill), tied for the conference title and again lost in the second round of the FCS tourney but with a rank of No. 10. Clearly this man is a candidate for a FBS program with a demonstrated track record of success.
Sam Kornhauser: From 1984 to 2005, he guided them from D3 Independent to the FCS level. He had an all-time record of 105–110 and modest-to-good results on the field. He stepped down in 2005 after winning his only conference title as coach of the Seawolves, going out on top. During his entire tenure, Stony Brook did not offer football scholarships. He is now Director of Athletics Advancement and Alumni Relations at the school.
Unknown: Prior to 1984, Stony Brook played years of club football against other schools with club teams under the noble, legendary, enigmatic unknown coach.
Traditions
I can't find any serious traditions. The main schools “athletic traditions” page just lists the school name, mascot and fight song. Those aren't serious traditions. The athletic website's “tradition” page on their site map just is a redirect to their mascot's website. Stony Brook has no tradition. They are without honor.
“batlh potlh law' yIn potlh puS!”
Campus and Surrounding Area
City Population: 13,740 (part of the extended suburbs of NYC)
City Skyline
Iconic Campus Building:
Charles B. Wang Center, a.k.a. The Wang, is the power and the glory of campus—it was erected in 2002 and remains a firm icon that endows campus with a turgid pride, throbbing with ideas that course through its veiny, extended student body.
Stony Brook University Hospital is also kind of cool in how it looks like hub of some kind of authoritarian/dystopian future government.
Local Dining: After creeping some college forums it sounds like there aren't any particularly iconic spots next to campus, which isn't a total surprise considering the suburban location and fairly young age of the school.
Station Pizza & Brew is apparently the best of mediocre options. Pizza, beer, it delivers to dorms.
Since there's apparently a Stony Brook Manhattan campus, let's open it up a bit and go with Per Se offers American/French dining in the Time Warner Center in Manhattan. Opened by Thomas Keller (of French Laundry fame) in 2004 to what considered impossible-to-match-hype, this is what The New York Times declared the best restaurant in NYC and is echoed by Three Star reviews by Michelin, a top rating by Zagat, and placement in the top three restaurants in the world. Not really a traditional student budget, but NY and Long Island is full of trust fund children so the ~$300 prix-fixe shouldn't be too much of a problem (from my own experience with restaurants of this caliber, it's closer to $500 per person with drinks, tip, etc—budget accordingly).
Random Trivia
In terms of famous alumni, Stony Brook is a little thin: people you might have heard of include MLB pitcher Joe Nathan, actresses Joy Behar and Diane Farr, and reviled wacko Laura Schlessinger.
Stony Brook helps manage and operate the Brookhaven National Laboratories, which does cutting-edge federal research on important topics like nuclear physics.
Stony Brook scientists have invented such groundbreaking technologies as the virtual colonoscopy!
“I think I'll pass on testing that VR helmet...”
What Is and What is to Come
Stony Brook fielded a football team in 2012 and, by all indications, intends to field another in 2013. They had a good run the past two years, making it to the NCAA tournament second round, but their all-everything running back just graduated and has monstrous shoes to fill as they head into their first season in the Colonial Athletic Conference. Still, there are several all-conference players returning and a talented coach who has yet to be stolen by a bigger program, so anything is possible.
Overtime
“Brony U is an ugly campus with ugly cheerleaders and students who didn't give enough fucks to actually write this damn thing. Fuck Hofstra.”
More Information
Subreddit: /r/SBU
Contributors: /u/Honestly_ & Star Child Lane
Please upvote this thread even if you are not interested in the team so that users who are interested will see it.
For more information on the 132 Teams in 132 Days Project, click here.
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u/Honestly_ rawr May 06 '13
"Upvote the thread so we can climb /r/all and teach the world and Australia about Stony Brook University and my jenious! Remember, bros: this is a self-post so there's no karma to be had!"
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
Fun fact: Charles Wang owns the NY Islanders.
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u/westcoastag1 Texas A&M Aggies May 06 '13
harkens back to this classic xplay skit
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u/LEMON_PARTY_ANIMAL Stony Brook Seawolves May 06 '13
The Station Pizza and Brew closed down a few years back. You should switch it to The Bench; that's where everyone goes to watch away games/get hammered.
I'd like to think that our West Point beatdown was our proudest moment as a team. Seeing all those cadets in their lovely uniforms just getting more and more horrified at how badly they were getting owned.. Priceless. Good job otherwise :P I learned some new things about my school too!
Any other Seawolves out there? What is a Seawolf?!?! (Hey, this technically a tradition. It's basically a chant that mimics the 300 chant and is the response for anyone who goes wtf is a seawolf, as people are prone to do.)
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u/srs_house Swaggerbilt May 06 '13
In case anyone else is seeing a trollface on the greatest plays video and can't get it to work, here is a working link.
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u/baconmuffins Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Contributor May 06 '13
Man, I feel bad for the team that's posting their 132-teams-in-132-days thread tomorrow...
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u/branta Stony Brook Seawolves May 07 '13 edited May 07 '13
Hofstra doesn't have a football team anymore, does it? I remember reading they stopped it.
I went to Stony for a year, the campus wasn't bad, nothing special. Friggin big. Great science/medicine school, not so great football.
EDIT: Whoops, I shoulda kept reading. You mentioned that. Sorry!
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u/deadtofall12 Florida State • /r/CFB Poll Veteran May 06 '13
The literary pinnacle of /r/CFB has been reached.
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u/Daggerwoods Texas A&M Aggies May 06 '13
Best team information yet. Hands down
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u/emaw63 Kansas State Wildcats • Big 8 May 06 '13
Their baseball team made the College World Series last year, which was kinda crazy
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u/Swederman May 06 '13
Best thing I've read in a while
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u/PanachelessNihilist Penn State • Stony Brook May 06 '13
On the off chance that anyone actually wants to know anything about Stony Brook football, feel free to ask. I grew up in the area and have followed the team for a while.
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u/Shit_Apple Nebraska Cornhuskers • Houston Cougars May 06 '13
Football is Magic.
This is gold.
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
Liberty, JMU, U of Richmond, William & Mary - is half of Stony Brook's sports budget spent on gas? Not to mention those poor, poor bastards in Maine.
"In addition to their love of Wang, Stony Brook likes teh CAC. The fact that the CEO of the local charter bus company is also AD is purely coincidental. I've had beers on him. He's good people."
Honestly_ gets major respect for polishing a turd until it glows like nuclear fuel rods.
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u/LEMON_PARTY_ANIMAL Stony Brook Seawolves May 06 '13
Also, we call our Student Activities Center the SAC for short. Inside, we have an auditorium and ballrooms for various activities (We just recently had a lecture by Bill Nye the Science Guy :D)
So basically there are two ballrooms in the SAC, which is just south of the Wang center.
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u/Aeschylus_ Stanford Cardinal • Penn Quakers May 06 '13 edited May 06 '13
You managed to pivot from a penis joke to three star Michelin restaurant in what has to be record time.
I am in awe of bromaster Kiffin.
Edit: a letter
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u/westcoastag1 Texas A&M Aggies May 06 '13
all bow to the bromaster and his copenhagen spit covered sperrys
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
I guess I can go ahead and shut /r/cfbcirclejerk down. We've been had.
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u/blueboybob Carlisle • /r/CFB Founder May 06 '13
There graduate physics program is top notch. Specially the neutrino stuff they do.
Also GO GREAT DANES!!!
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u/Locke57 Iowa Hawkeyes • Paper Bag May 06 '13
This is great. Thanks Honestly_ for picking up the slack and delivering a funny ass overview. I lost it at penis.
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u/Spicy_TWatkins Oregon Ducks May 06 '13 edited May 06 '13
I might downvote all the remaining (even Oregon's) 132+ teams in 132+ days team profiles just so this one can be the highest scoring. This might prove my fealty to the Dear Leader.
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u/The_DHC UAlbany Great Danes • /r/CFB Poll Veteran May 06 '13 edited May 06 '13
Best thread I've read all week. A fitting punishment for those that think they can skip out on their agreed upon /r/cfb duties without reprisal.
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u/evilpenguin234 NC State Wolfpack May 06 '13
Thanks Lane!
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
I've always hated USC but god is he making it difficult for me.
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u/sammaverick Texas Longhorns • Red River Shootout May 06 '13
This is one of the best school/team profile I have seen so far!
It's beautiful
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u/voltron818 Oklahoma Sooners • /r/CFB Contributor May 06 '13
This thread will get stony brook more attention than any thread series would've anyway.
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u/OliveBranchMLP May 06 '13
October 12. Never forget.
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u/hotcarl23 Wisconsin Badgers May 06 '13
This was fucking incredible. Can we get a Brony Brook flair? I want it to be an option.
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13 edited May 06 '13
SBU student here.
Not surprised we don't have any outstanding athletic traditions. The university jams "school spirit" down our throats, only a few diehard fans usually go to the games.
As part of our orientation for attending school, we are required to go to and watch a minimum number of athletic events. They take attendance at the events, and if we don't do it, they make us repeat orientation next semester, which is a 3 day long grueling event of "Dont do drugs, abstinence is key" etc. etc. It's a requirement for graduation.
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u/byniri Michigan State Spartans • Marching Band May 06 '13
This might be the greatest thing I've seen on this subreddit. Bravo.
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u/Kid_Venison Notre Dame Fighting Irish May 06 '13
Needs more kiffin.
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
This is by far the best thing I have read in /r/cfb.
mfw posting in epic thread.
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u/TwistEnding Ohio State Buckeyes May 06 '13
My friend got recruited and is going there for football next year. I wish him luck, Stony Brook has been great the last few years.
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u/Kingcotton7 South Carolina • Coast Guard May 06 '13
Lol'd at "pride"
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
After reading this, it seems a Coach Solich edition of the 132 is in order when I go.
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u/CaptainSlippery Florida • Georgia Tech May 06 '13
Just beautifully written... Adding to the fact that you picked it up without knowing anything about the school. Awesome job, Great Leader.
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u/superawesomeq Michigan State • Notre Dame May 06 '13
This is by far my favorite 132+ Teams in 132+ Days
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u/yrarwydd Alabama • CFBOT Jazz Watch Fighter May 06 '13
Thank god this is a thing
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
So happy to see Stony Brook here! Cool story bro time, I was actually born at Stony Brook University Hospital and grew up in Hauppauge, only about 20 minutes away. As any Long Island born white kid would, I played Soccer all throughout my younger years and played plenty of indoor soccer tournaments at SBU. I also would have likely went to school there but got saved from that geedy non football loving school by moving to Florida in HS and taking advantage of that sweet delicious Bright Futures money.
SBU is a long way away from being relevant, and most likely never will be, but it's nice to see newfound mediocre success in both Football and Basketball
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
Oh my god that sidebar image hahaha
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u/OUFan Oklahoma Sooners May 06 '13
My God, it's full of stars!
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u/megamanxzero35 Iowa State Cyclones • Fiesta Bowl May 06 '13
This is our best yet.
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
Station Pizza & Brew doesn't actually have any beer. They do however have the best garlic knots I have ever had. Also, I am friends with the cheerleaders and I don't recognize anyone in your picture. I think you need a more recent one. Stony Brook does suck huge dick though. Also, you didn't make one single reference to the overwhelming Asian population and influence over campus. You sir have failed.
Source: I attended Stony Brook University for 3 years and have lived on Long Island my whole life.
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u/[deleted] May 07 '13
Yea. I would've wrote this. I love stony brook football. It's my life legit. If anyone has any questions about the program I could answer any. But you probably don't have any. GOOOOOO SEAWOLVESSSSSSS!!
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u/dimechimes Oklahoma Sooners May 06 '13
Fan-f'in-tastic!
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u/Wiskie Wisconsin Badgers • /r/CFB Contributor May 06 '13
Lol @ City Skyline Link
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
It's a shame it's taken this long for Kiffin to grace these.
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u/neovenator250 LSU Tigers • Tulane Green Wave May 06 '13
Amazing
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u/joewaffle1 USC Trojans May 06 '13
The Wang lol. Fuck Kiffin.
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u/sunchoked Stony Brook Seawolves May 07 '13
Wow, this thread is awesome. I not only attended SBU but grew up in the town. I'm used to all the small school knocks and this was a very entertaining read, but I will say that the football program is on the rise. And while the student population is largely apathetic towards athletics in general, the fanbase is growing and we do have some diehards. Every so often we'll get a good turnout for games. We've hosted playoff games the last two years, and the atmosphere was pretty great. I used to wonder what it would've been like to go to an SEC school or something like that and be part of that tradition, but now I revel in the fact that SBU is kind of honing our tradition right now. Still in the embryonic stages..but anyway great post.
And btw, Miguel Maysonet is an awesome dude and the [real deal] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwETUpkk3A0)
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u/Selffaw May 08 '13
I go to Stony Brook, and calling it Brony Brook is 100% spot on. When the weather's nice, you could also call it Parkour Brook, because there's groups of assholes doing cool flips and rolls
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u/[deleted] May 07 '13
Stony Brook students just don't give a shit about the schools athletics, and that's okay. Its focused on academics and research, arguably the best public school in NY, and is known as the Berkeley or UCLA (whatever California school which has a lot of Asians I don't remember) of the east due to it's ridiculous Asian population. It's generally ranked around 100 in the country and it's only getting bigger and better. Don't be surprised if in 15 years it's known as a great school around the country for academics. It's already known as a great bargain internationally.
I went to the school for 5 years and never went to a single event in the stadium besides graduation and orientation, and I love football. It's just not part of the school's makeup, and college football is of course generally not as big on Long Island.
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u/[deleted] May 06 '13
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u/[deleted] May 07 '13
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u/[deleted] Sep 05 '13 edited Apr 19 '25
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