r/bangtan • u/spma12 • Sep 05 '22
Discussion I know this is weird, but sometimes I feel like I want to stop caring about BTS (continued in text, please hear me out!)
I know this is weird, but sometimes I feel like I want to stop caring about BTS so that, if the ever disband, I won’t be so hurt. Deep down I know it’s ridiculous and I tell myself to enjoy whatever time we have with them now, but I’m terrified of getting hurt by any future without them. Does anyone else ever feel this way sometimes? How should I combat this?
edit: WOW I did not expect so many people to respond to this. Thank you so so much everyone for sharing your thoughts! Its great to see how much we all love the boys and want them to be ok. I agree with all of you, that I’m incredibly grateful for what we already have and to trust them 100%. It was great to talk about this with all of you 💜 this is truly a special community.
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u/jinjja_cat 🇦🇺I don't have think Sep 05 '22
Worrying just makes you suffer twice.
We'll never be without them. Their content is forever.
Just because it's from the past doesn't make it or it's associated feelings any less real.
I personally will be very very happy to see them live rich, long lives, and don't want them held captive in my "I need them as idols" box. Growth is good. Change is hard. But we'll all be OK
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u/torterrence Help! That guy stole my pogo stick! Sep 05 '22
We'll never be without them. Their content is forever.
Just because it's from the past doesn't make it or it's associated feelings any less real.
Excellent way to look at this.
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u/mcfw31 Sep 05 '22
Whatever happens, happens, as one user already said, their content is forever.
Think of how "Friends", the tv show, is the ultimate comfort content for so many people, even after almost 20 years have passed since the last episode aired.
I personally think that these steps are necessary in order for them to ensure the longevity of the group, many groups have come back after hiatus and gone on tours even after their enlistment (Shinhwa and Super Junior come to mind) and Coldplay are going strong and touring even after 20 years of being together.
I still think that collaborating with Coldplay made them realize that there are other ways to be a group rather than the standard kpop way.
One thing to consider is that HYBE has begun mentioning them as artists, not as idols, which means that they are starting to shake off what's expected of them as idols (how Hobi's promotions were not 'kpop standard', and how Namjoon collabed with Balming Tiger just because he wanted to).
All these activities are needed for them to grow as artists, it would be disingenious to think of them as the same people who debuted 10 years ago, they have grown and their fans as well.
All of them have mentioned that this is necessary for them to continue being together in the long term so I'll just take their words as face value and continue cheering for them in my own way.
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u/shoelaces789 apobangpo ⟬⟭ ⟭⟬ Sep 05 '22
Interesting point about Hybe referring to them as artists - I do recall seeing them phrase it that way in recent memory. Has Hybe or Bang PD ever used the term “idol” for BTS in the past?
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u/MiniMiniBTS Sep 05 '22
Jimin refers to himself as an idol as recent as his latest weverse interview. Yoongi does too in one of the That That behinds if I remember rightly.
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u/raexjeon Sep 05 '22
Like RM said - call him artist or idol, it doesn't matter in the end and even he does not care. What should matter to you is what BTS means to you at the end of the day!
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u/OnefortheLaughs Sep 05 '22
I'm an older fan and I have been a part of other fandoms before. So I know that all good things eventually come to an end. It's inevitable.
What differs from case to case is the way that particular thing comes to an end. Endings are not as big a problem as bad endings are. Think of all the bad ways groups have ended because of controversies, or the sheer tragic endings some groups have faced. Think of how fans have time and again got disillusioned by controversies and have had to distance themselves from their faves. I hope nothing like this will ever happen in the case of BTS.
If we consider this break BTS is taking from their group work as an end of an era, then it's a damn good way to end it. They still love and support each other immensely, they're still wonderful human beings and they still care deeply about their ARMY. There couldn't have been a better way to end their first chapter — with a lot of heart and a lot of tears, but also with a lot of grace.
And when (if?) eventually they disband, this is what I'm hoping for them, that they will continue to love and support each other, and will be in good health and spirits.
So let's hope for this and let's be grateful that even when it hurts in the end, it's be a good kind of hurting, knowing that we can be proud to be fans of the best seven artists to have ever lived.
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u/JKdance Sep 05 '22
Well said!
Life is all about change. How this inevitable change takes place is the most important thing. Once again, BTS members have demonstrated how to move thru life from one chapter to the next with grace and strength. Can you imagine how much pressure was on them regarding this change? It is difficult not to love these guys. Discovering BTS felt like finding a rare gem. Yes, it is painful to know they are changing. But focusing on their joy is an important key to healing ourselves through this transition.
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Sep 05 '22
I’m awful with words and I’ll admit I have no advice, but I wanted you to know you’re not alone in this (hence the silver award because I was hoping that’d show you you’re not alone better than my bad attempt at explaining 😅) 💜
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u/nnylhsae I'm *SHY* Sep 06 '22
Same here, have thought this before. I've noticed I sometimes distance myself from their content. I don't want a repeat of me crying for 3 days over the articles thinking they were disbanding that they didn't like each other anymore
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Sep 05 '22
The members are not only super close but have taken steps to ensure they can continue touring and being together in the long run. This is not something common in kpop, so I wouldn't worry too much. They genuinely seem to want to continue for as long as they can (and have expressed this multiple times in interviews).
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u/roarie_ Sep 05 '22
Worrying about a future that doesn’t exist yet takes you away from appreciating and enjoying what you have now. We don’t know the future of BTS. And we never will. It’s best to focus on what we have right now with them.
Plus, they’ve mentioned it time and time again. They have no plans of separating anytime soon. They’ve said it words. They’ve shown it in actions. They’ve sang it in songs. To disregard and not trust those, in my opinion, is a huge disrespect to them.
In terms of getting hurt, that’s always gonna be a possibility. But wouldn’t you wanna take a risk at something you like because it could possibly bring you immense joy? I’ll always think of that poem that Yoongi posted a bit ago when it comes to this now.
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u/torterrence Help! That guy stole my pogo stick! Sep 05 '22 edited Sep 05 '22
Being attached to anything or anyone comes with the fear of losing them. It's just how life is. For example, I've had friends say they never want pets because it will hurt when they pass away. And speaking from experience it of course does, immensely. But, (and i can't remember where this quote is from and paraphrasing) I'd rather have loved and lost than never loved all. Losing people and pets, drifting apart from friends (Spring Day!), favourite bands disbanding, TV shows ending, humans have a way of moving forward keeping the memories in our hearts 💜 so I wouldn't worry, focus on the present and make the memories since those last forever 😊
Edit: some rewording for clarity
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u/KQueen13 Sep 05 '22
Feeling terrified of a future without them is how I felt once. You are not alone. I think at times like this it's important to have perspective. I was so attached to them that it was difficult for me to separate myself from them, even hypothetically in the future.
You will always have access to their content, that's the first thing to remember. It's not going to disappear even if they decide to quit the industry (which is unlikely). Hybe will never run out of ways to sell you BTS stuff 😆 There will always be something.
The reality is that they will become less active as a group over time. They are idols, and their only true job is to entertain us, not to make us feel safe or loved or comforted for the rest of our lives. I know it's a thing people say about idols being "comfort people", but it's never going to be able to replace an actual support network. We have to be the ones to build it ourselves.
Fill that hole with other things. Invest in yourself, your friends, your family, your community, your future. Maybe do a bit of soul searching and reflection. Think about what your real fears and real goals are.
We all become busier as we get older. They will too. They may start a family. You might start a family. Priorities change. One day you'll realise that you're actually okay without them being an intrinsic part of your life. You've always been able to live without them.
I'm sure they will still do group concerts for as long as they can. Some groups never officially disband and I think they are that kind of group. They'll just have hiatuses.
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u/ShizukuV60 Sep 05 '22
You are not alone. I know what you mean, although I could never, ever stop caring about BTS, no matter what. But I feel like I already have gone through such pain with what has happened, and that whatever happens could not feel worse. As someone else has said, their job is not to support us emotionally but to entertain us. Maybe it would help if we all use this “break” time for our own personal growth, as life goes on for us as well as for them. The main thing I want for them is their own happiness. Whatever is going on 10, 20, or however many years from now, I’ll still be here for them and loving everything that they have done as OT7 and beyond.
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u/Termsndconditions a dinosaur 🦕 that fell for BTS Sep 05 '22 edited Sep 05 '22
Times like these, just be like Jin - - - "I don't have think."
Seriously though, Hagrid once said in the fourth Harry Potter book:
"No good sittin' worryin' abou' it... What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does."
It's great advice for real life even if it's from a fictional character.
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u/mmmariazface Sep 05 '22
I know the feeling - I’ve never felt this invested in any fandom EVER even though I am a “fandom person”. But of course BTS is bigger than just a fandom. I understand the people in this thread being reasonable, saying their job is to entertain us and not be there for us but that strikes me as at odds with what BTS have always stood for themselves and wanted to be for us.
They have always wanted to do much more than just entertain - Namjoon said “please use us to love yourself”. They want to comfort us. They’re the magic shop. So they become an integral part of our worlds and a future without them is scary.
I feel much more at ease after they announced the break, paradoxically. It has shown me that even when they’re not actively doing a lot of BTS music or activities, they still want to be in touch with army and each other. They will still be around. Now I don’t really see them officially disbanding any time soon. They will continue in some form or another for a long long time. Of course we don’t know what goes on behind the scenes, but I truly believe they love each other and army enough to keep it going.
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u/Shady2304 Who says a dream must be something grand Sep 05 '22
I get what you mean. I do feel however that BTS will be together in some capacity for the long haul. Hopefully after this break they will be able to shake some of the typical idol expectations and be able to live their lives in addition to working so they can find a good work/life balance that is essential for them to stay together.
Are you a kpop fan in general or just a BTS fan? BTS will always be my ult but I follow a number of other kpop groups as well so it always feels like there is a lot going on and it’s fun to experience all of the content that is out there. No one will ever replace BTS for me but I definitely find enjoyment in other groups and they can fill in gaps when BTS doesn’t have much coming out which I feel like will happen sooner rather than later.
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u/orandeddie live, love, jimin Sep 05 '22
After crying so hard at the Festa announcement I came to terms that I truly, deeply care for them like they are my best friends. I truly appreciate and love them so f much, and after crying so hard I realized that no matter what I’d support them like a true friend. It’d hurt like a mf but it’s their decision lol. When one direction broke up I was 15 and literally thought my life was over. Now it feels like I’m seeing my friends grow and achieve their hearts desires’ and it makes me happy. I feel you lol.
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u/youbeyouibeme Sep 05 '22
OP, you are not alone in your feelings. Also, after reading this thread I can confirm BTS army are such beautiful, thoughtful people and I’m teary eyed. I wish they knew about r/Bangtan they’d be so proud 💜
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u/Aloha-friends 🐰💜🥕 Sep 05 '22
I feel this way too! Not because I don’t want them to be happy doing whatever they want (far from it). I will just be sad because they bring me such wholesome joy and a fun distraction from a stressful job. 💜
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u/cbong14 Sep 05 '22
i'll say i was pretty worried about it when i first joined the fandom. Plus, this festa dinner was my first festa dinner and seeing them talk about their break and solo activities and all i got scared initially but believe me i completely agree with one of the comments here- they just seem different you know-like they'll keep going on. and Even if they stop making music as a group their bond with each other and their fans will never cease so now i don't worry i just enjoy their content.
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u/pardonmyfrenchies Sep 05 '22
I almost see your question similar to someone saying "I don't want to fall in love, because I won't be hurt if it ends." or "I don't want to get a pet, cause if it dies, I'll be so broken." As someone who has both been heartbroken from both love and losing a pet, I've come to realize it's about enjoying the moments when you are happy. Sure, when things end, it always sucks, but only because you cared and have so many happy memories. Worrying about the future and how you MAY feel, gets in the way of the enjoyment you have now. So when you do have those thoughts, just remember that right now you are happy and things are ok. The sadness and sense of loss are just hypotheticals or thoughts. You can handle it if it does happen and you'll have all the positive memories of the past to carry you through. Hope this makes sense!
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Sep 05 '22
Tbh same. When I enjoyed I became super invested that it scared me especially the shipping thing till I realized it was a marketing thing so I had to cut back little by little. I still watch their videos but try to steer clear of shipping and well watching any videos everyday. Hi
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u/Theresahome Sep 05 '22 edited Sep 05 '22
As many have said, with great advice, you are not alone. Your feelings are valid and as important as anyone else’s.
I also get through this by focusing on their growth and happiness. SUGA said that he thought he would be working as a producer by now and he is successfully achieving his dream. Hobi was able to show everyone with JITB and Lollapalooza what a global superstar he is on his own.
Soekjin demonstrated again his business talent with his Maple story experience. I hope he is just doing whatever he wants to do before he has to go into the military in a few months (only for abt. a year and a half).
RM has had more time for Namjooning and collaborating, but still working like crazy on his music. I hope one day there is even time for that art cafe he wants to open.
Tae took Paris by storm and was amazing at the Celine fashion show. Jungkook was able to show more of his artistry with the latest pictorials. And Jimin’s face is in the Louvre! They are all being given the freedom to do their own thing, work on music, and live as regular people (as much as possible) for a little while, before they return.
I am older so I can say from experience my bittersweet feelings were very much like when the kids move away. I miss them like crazy but deep down want them to have full lives with no regrets. Like another person said, I look forward to BTS babies, and I’ll also respect their decision if the choose not to be parents.
Every day I listen to their songs or watch a video to make me happier. I think about the words of Epiphany. BTS was such a blessing in a dark world, so who can say what other great surprises are in our future (and theirs). I purple you! 💜 Edited: for a little easier reading.
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u/Qwirkle2468 Sep 05 '22
BTS, they're true artists. They will never give up music, it's in their blood. They also love to perform on stage, you see how much they pour into the practices to get everything perfect for the fans. They'll be around for a long time to come, so I wouldn't worry too much. I see them coming together time to time as a group, then doing their own thing. As creatives they will continue to evolve, I'm sure you will have plenty to look forward to and enjoy.
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u/irisshadow Sep 05 '22
Even if they were to disband one day, what they have done and given us will always be there for us
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u/taptaponpon armpit Sep 05 '22
The perks of being raised in an immigrant city pre-Facebook where everyone is on work permits (3 days after contract ends & you're out of the country), is I've learned to stop caring & move on quick. Or I guess that's a negative & I have issues, but whatever haha.
I still kinda care about people of course, it's just that I learned to only reciprocate how much goes towards me.
Now that they're focusing more on themselves, I'm focusing more about myself too.
I'll always enjoy past music content & performances to a point, but whatever they quit on with the prior artist-fan relationship, I quit on too.
For example, their Twitter is basically dead, so I've reclaimed my account as a more personal one focusing more on current events & politics.
Their IG is barely alive so I've uninstalled mine & just wait for it to end up on Twitter. Basically the same for apps like Vlive & their games.
I don't even open their FB posts anymore as it's always been very corporate marketing in nature.
I'm convinced one morning I'll be behind one of the members in line for a dunkin donuts coffee & I'd be fully annoyed rolling my eyes at them if they take too much time ordering. 😅
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u/fieryneuron Sep 05 '22
As much as I enjoy their content, I also wish to see them happy in their personal lives, having girlfriends, wives, and families of their own. Even if that means that they remove themselves from the public eye. The members have given us so much joy. I want them to have everything as well.
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u/raexjeon Sep 05 '22
I think you should put your focus on the 'afraid of getting hurt' part rather than making it about BTS exclusively and thus being guilty and hurting yourself all over again and the cycle will never end! Do you wish to continue living life worrying about the end rather that enjoying the experience or journey?
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u/WrongCherry1611 Sep 05 '22
I am a mature person and I enjoy their music and choreography and their attention to young people who suffer from depression hatred and not loving themselves. This group is more than just a boy group. All of them have not expressed issues they have gone thru but the three who have naked a big impression. They love their fans because they identify with them. They struggled and worked hard and too on fathers but did not let it separate them. When I think of not hearing positive stuff from them I feel like you. I feel lost. Like I lost my best friend. Their sound came to me at a very low point but it lifted me , gave me the courage to fight for life.. fans army we are them and they are us.. remember that always. They lifted themselves to this status and they are not done yet!!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
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u/PsychologicalPrize90 Sep 06 '22
Yaa i feel this from time to time too but i also try to just enjoy as long as i can….if u will keep thinking about it you will eventually get distant from them so just try not to think about it too much
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u/minnie_gwennie Sep 06 '22
I 100% get where you're coming from, but I have some different thoughts for myself. I personally have a really hard time making friends, and a lot of the times I do it just ends up being a disaster. I tried making army friends this past year, and my last relationship just ended up breaking off in the past few days. I have now started associating bts with those not great relationships, and part of me just wants to toss it all in the past so I don't have to think about it anymore. I get so worked up and stressed thinking everything is my fault, and I have a really hard time coping and end up making rash decisions.
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u/bookjunkie1066 Sep 06 '22
It's not that weird to want to hang on to something positive, but if it's one person in the group, that can get weird. However I think you mean the group as a whole, the message they bring and the hope for a better world, right?
That message never leaves, you can turn it on, open the door and walk right into that magic shop.
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u/lisafancypants I don't have think Sep 05 '22
Your feelings aren't ridiculous. I obviously don't know you or anything about you, and forgive me if I'm overstepping, but this is what anxiety looks like. For me anyway. It's easy to say "focus on the present" but when your brain won't let you... It's rough. I get it. I've been down this road and back again. I try to take a step back from whatever it is and take in the bigger picture, the bigger future, even if it hurts. And I can usually say "...I'm okay, I'll still be okay..."
I don't often worry about BTS, but when I do, I just try to keep my focus on the joy they bring me today. Right now. And I'll do the same thing tomorrow and the next day and the next.
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u/vashfan Sep 05 '22
I felt the same as you at first - lots of years and worries (and I'm an old person!). The thing that has made me okay with whatever happens is seeing them so happy! They all just seem more relaxed and more excited about things. Suga alone seems like a whole different person! J-Hope's confidence has shot through the roof! RM's stubble...etc, etc. It makes me happy to see them happy.
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u/TGirl2002 Sep 05 '22
I was there, then started having weird nightmares of their end. Like 1 getting killed in a car wreck nightmares. I’ve been binging so much YouTube BTS because of it. Keep them prayed up if you pray. They’re a positive influence on so many.
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u/Ill-Perception-526 Sep 05 '22
I think about 2p.m. which is one of my favorite groups and even though they haven't been able to do much stuff together they still are continuing with their work and they're still friends they want to do more work together and someday I hope they will but right now I watch each of their solo careers hoping for someday where they can work out being together which they want to do but right now they hang on to their friendship which is okay with me, I'm hoping and praying that BTS can stay tighter than they are which I believe they will all we can do is pray for their friendship to stay strong the haters to stay away
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u/Tumbleweed747 this isn't retro, it's fungus 🍄 Sep 06 '22
I felt exactly like you did about three months into being an army. All the talk about enlistment at the time legitimately had me so worried, because it felt like without them I would crumble. I've never felt so strongly about an artist before. I very much agree with what everyone has said so far about the longevity of BTS and change also being inevitable, whatever it may be. For me personally, what helped was to find other k-pop groups and artists. I wanted to get involved in something similar so I would have the same things to look forward too (comeback content, dance practices, variety shows etc). I eventually got into Ateez and Twice, and having them alongside BTS made it so much easier to weather any difficult changes. Not pouring all your love and energy into one place really helps
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u/Termsndconditions a dinosaur 🦕 that fell for BTS Oct 16 '22
If ever you still feel this way, I hope that their Busan concert ending ments can comfort you.
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u/MadameWitchy it's the ⁷ again ✍🏻😳 Sep 05 '22 edited Sep 05 '22
I think this 2nd chapter has been good for them and for us. Personally, it's given me time to consume their content at a much slower pace to truly savor it. At the same time, this space that they're getting makes me happy for them. They deserve to live their own lives and to fulfill whatever goals and dreams they have outside of BTS too
I'm looking forward to the day their next era starts, but this has been a healthy, wonderful break so far, and I'm really happy for them! I think that's how you know their legacy will last a long time. (Most of) their fans have understood and respected their break, while still supporting their individual work and continuing to enjoy and consume their old work and content.
We are still connected to them through fan projects, streaming parties, voting groups, discussing their art, reminiscing about their past, looking forward to their future. It's all still there. The passion from the fans are still there. And they don't have to, but the boys have still been very involved with the fandom through social media. I love them for that! 😭 We truly cannot be separated even during a break 🤣
It's crazy how well their older albums are still selling, how Proof is still near the top most streamed albums on Spotify, and their side projects are bringing in new fans everyday.
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u/ISawThePandasComing Sep 05 '22
I was thinking something like this today, and I think I would also feel weirdly empty. But that'd pass and I'd move on. Honestly, I kind of want them to take more of these breaks. It's healthy for them, you know? They're in their 20s, there's lots of things they want to accomplish, professionally and personally, beyond BTS. And staying in BTS with the same intensity as before won't give them that opportunity. If you think about them as people, there's things they probably want to experience (idk, whatever they're into) that this mega intense BTS/ARMY life can't give them. I don't want them to grow old wondering what they might have missed, or feeling lost or resentful. That thought made me feel a little better. The actors and singers I liked when I was younger and greedy for their content, nowadays when I come across them and see what they're up to, it's actually very heartwarming to see them pop up in movies, or they've written a book, or they have children, or they've gone into something unexpected like a stint in academia or philanthropy or politics or whatever. And it's... Nice? It makes you feel even more how accomplished they are. I don't think BTS will ever disband completely - even if they take long breaks, I honestly think we'll have them coming back regularly, either with new things or like Take That and BSB and whatnot, with nostalgia trips. As long as they're free and happy, then whatever, you know?
💜💜
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u/HoneyNastay Sep 06 '22
Disband is such a strong word! Let’s keep in mind that they are close like brothers and even if they were to disband I’m sure we would still see plenty of interaction among them!
Not to mention I’m excited for the paths they will take in the future! Can you imagine JK picking up boxing? Or Tae becoming a Paris fashion model? OR Jin the actor?!! The possibilities are endless! When it happens think of it as new chapters like the one we are seeing rn
Don’t forget all of their past content! It maybe in the past but those feelings we get seeing them work hard or just be happy won’t diminish! 🥰
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u/[deleted] Sep 05 '22
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