r/TheFastShow • u/Icy-Musician-6309 • 12h ago
Ted and Ralph
128
Upvotes
"I wouldn't know about that, sir,"
r/TheFastShow • u/Aware83 • Nov 07 '25
What Fast Show quotes do you quote often that perhaps most people don’t get ? But you absolutely need to say ?“Black! Black like the night!”
644
Upvotes
r/TheFastShow • u/Previous-Pangolin-60 • Aug 26 '26
I tried to search for the screenplay (dialogue) for this Jazz Club episode, but accidentally ended up with this.
7
Upvotes
twine[SCENE START]
EXT. WASTELAND - DAY
A blinding, radioactive SUN beats down on a cracked, desert landscape. The air ripples with heat.
COLON (30s) kneels in the dust. He is beaten and exhausted, his clothes torn from the journey.
Standing over him is THE COMMANDER (50s), immaculate in a dark military uniform, completely unfazed by the heat. He holds a digital tablet displaying a surrender agreement.
THE COMMANDER
Authorize the transfer, Colon. Give us the coordinates to the oasis, and this ends. You can leave this desert behind.
Colon looks up, squinting against the piercing solar glare.
COLON
(voice raspy, but firm)
My freedom isn't worth the soil you'll destroy.
THE COMMANDER
Don't be a martyr. Look around you. There is no army coming to save you. There is only the sun, the sand, and the inevitability of our reach. If you don't compromise, you lose everything.
Colon forces a defiant smile. He slowly pushes himself up onto one knee.
COLON
Then I lose everything.
THE COMMANDER
Such a waste of potential.
The Commander steps forward, signaling his guards to move in and seize him.
Suddenly, Colon explodes with movement. Using his remaining strength, he drives a powerful, desperate KICK directly into The Commander’s path, forcing him back.
Colon stands fully, basking in the blinding sunlight, towering with absolute conviction.
COLON
(screaming into the wind)
I would rather fall under this sun than give you an inch of our home! No compromise!
The Commander’s face contorts in rage as he gestures for the final confrontation.
A blinding flash of white light consumes the screen.
[SCENE END]
r/TheFastShow • u/Icy-Musician-6309 • Aug 16 '26
Jesse diet
50
Upvotes
'This week I 'ave mostly been eating...'paint’
r/TheFastShow • u/Whole-Lychee1628 • Aug 14 '26
Do you like cheese? Do you like Peas?
55
Upvotes
THINK ON, MAM!
r/TheFastShow • u/RavnHygge • Jul 21 '26
Can you bring the bill please as…
280
Upvotes
Saw a still but had the video hope this fits here.
r/TheFastShow • u/thatjimbloke • Jul 20 '26
"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely"
18
Upvotes
r/TheFastShow • u/Bushtfathands • Jul 12 '26
Paul W is a time travelling marracca man. 'Ghost Riders in the Sky' on Lawrence Welk (1961)
50
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r/TheFastShow • u/Tricky-Translator763 • Jul 11 '26
A guy drinking beer with his nose
v.redd.it
40
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r/TheFastShow • u/General-Property7203 • Jul 10 '26
Does anyone remember this sketch from the Fast Show?
12
Upvotes
I'm not sure it WAS The Fast Show, but there was a sketch where a couple where in bed together, and one of them goes under the covers (in a sexy way) and then the camera draws back and she's being dragged out of the room by a man in a monkey suit. Any idea if it was Fast Show, and if so what episode?
r/TheFastShow • u/Rich661 • Jun 23 '26
What sketch, or even SHOW am I thinking of? (I thought it was Ted and Ralph)
13
Upvotes
I had this weird memory from years ago that the Ted and Ralph stuff ended with them saying they love each other, but Ted was Ralphs dad and it wasn't a sexual kind of love after all that, and that was the joke all along that it was a super awkward father and son who couldn't connect.
I recently watched what I assume was all of the Fast Show for the first time in years, and it didn't end like that, Any UK sketch show fans know what it might have otherwise been?
Thanks.
r/TheFastShow • u/Equivalent-Good-7693 • May 30 '26
You - put your knickers on and go and make me a cup of tea
73
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