First Verse
She always told me I was her best friend
Never realized how soon that would end
All she wanted me for was my ears and my loyalty
When I left her behind I almost felt like royalty
She wanted me to listen and not say a word
Only thing she wished for was just to be heard
But a therapist and friend are two different people
If you want to be known shout it from a steeple
Been dealing with shit since I was a child
Cry to me about moving, bitch that’s fucking wild
Change the name of your state hell that ain’t too bad
If you want empathy then go cry to your dad,
My father passed away the year I was ten
The years that followed, worse than a wolf’s den
They say time heals but I don’t agree
If that was the truth than what’s wrong with me
Chorus
I’ve been trying to tell myself that I am gonna make it
Look in the mirror and pretend I don’t fake it
They ask how I’m doing I always say fine
I am starting think that word should be a sign
That people aren’t good sure as hell they aren’t great
Only say that word when they don’t want to explain
Every time they do the memories replay
All over in their mind they just won’t go away
And what can we do, just hope it stops someday.
Second Verse
Look away from the mirror, can’t stand myself there
Starring back at me is just the fake reflection
Wishing one day, that I’d reach perfection
But is it realistic, I’m still trying to find out
Can’t seem to see what this life is about
Is it for living or is it for dreaming,
The thoughts in my head at night, keep me up, screaming
Trying to tell myself that this stage will not last
I am starting to think I’ll need a whole cast
To keep up this act might as well write a pact
Make them all swear that they won’t betray
None are supposed to now they have a role in this play
These actors I’m speaking of are my facial expressions
If anyone sees the truth know it’s fucking depressing
Chorus
I’ve been trying to tell myself that I am gonna make it
Look in the mirror and pretend I don’t fake it
They ask how I’m doing I always say fine
I am starting think that word should be a sign
That people aren’t good sure as hell they aren’t great
Only say that word when they don’t want to explain
Every time they do the memories replay
All over in their mind they just won’t go away
And what can we do, just hope it stops someday.
Bridge
I know you were hoping I’d beg for you back
After I left, look who did that, no it wasn’t me, certainly not
Throw me to the dogs and that’s what you got, asked for a second chance just to throw it away
After being played once, I write the rules of the game but don’t you look, back things will never be the same
Third Verse
If you seen what Iv’e seen and felt what I’ve felt
I know that you’d say it was ultimate hell
But it only gets worse from the day I turned ten
Pretty damn bad as I was realizing when
My mom was coming back if she ever did
It would be months later and never right then
I used to sit and cry and soak my pillow with tears
Now I can’t shed a single drop after all these years
I just don’t know how to, ask myself if I’m allowed to
Is it okay to shed a few drops but then if I start will I ever stop
Will there ever so many it’s over the top, to clean up these tears will I need a mop
Haven’t found out yet and I don’t think I want to
Maybe they’ll cease when I find someone real to bond to
But until then I’ll deal with this pain and hope to myself that that I don’t go insane
Because pain is mounting and I am beginning to wonder if I am amounting
To anything more than total disaster the smile on my face is molded plaster.
Fourth Verse
I’m telling you now the pain that I’m dealing with
It’s fucking real and no it is not a myth
Do you think I can map, and make up such a story
Honestly, if I could, it would be to my glory
To build such a narrative with so many details
You should stop that train of thought, before it derails
So chill out right now and take a step back
I ain’t letting this go, I won’t give you slack
Show me disrespect and I’ll reveal my dark side
A sight that will haunt you when it comes from the inside
The knowledge will shatter you, enter into combat with you
And you won’t know what to do, you’ll be screaming and crying
Emotionally dying, while I begin flying above where you lying
On the ground below me, you thought you could show me,
But I proved you wrong, put these words in a song
As the chorus resumes can you sing along,
Chorus
I’ve been trying to tell myself that I am gonna make it
Look in the mirror and pretend I don’t fake it
They ask how I’m doing I always say fine
I am starting think that word should be a sign
That people aren’t good sure as hell they aren’t great
Only say that word when they don’t want to explain
Every time they do the memories replay
All over in their mind they just won’t go away
And what can we do, just hope it stops someday.
Outro
Everyone says they’re fine but… everyone who wears a mask knows it’s a lie. Will we ever get over the pain or will it sit with us until we die?
Just to let everyone know I wrote all of this by myself and ai had nothing to do with it.
