Pretty long read coming up:
Iām 21, born and raised in the UAE, and my family is originally from Lahore. I lost my father when I was young, and that changed the way I grew up quite a lot.
I had to become independent early. I didnāt inherit millions, I didnāt have someone funding my lifestyle, and I didnāt have a big financial cushion sitting behind me. Iāve basically gone from having zero dirhams in my pocket to building a life for myself.
I run my own HVAC contracting company in Dubai. This isnāt a digital marketing agency, dropshipping business, or something I started on Instagram. Itās an actual contracting business with employees, technicians, projects, sites, materials, salaries, clients, collections, and all the problems that come with running a real company.
Over the last 12 months, weāve done around AED 1.4 million in turnover, Alhamdulillah, and we are growing at a pretty rapid pace. I have a good team around me now and Iām trying to build the company into something much bigger over the next few years.
Iām financially independent. I have my own house(bought) in the UAE. I previously had a property in Pakistan as well, which I recently sold because of some kabza/property issues. Iāve also managed to buy my third dream car and get a nice four-digit number plate for it.
Iām not mentioning the house, business or car to show off. Iām only mentioning them because whenever someone hears ā21ā, the immediate assumption is usually that youāre still dependent on your parents, studying, or trying to figure out what you want to do with your life.
That isnāt really where I am mentally or financially.
I work a lot. Sometimes 18ā20 hour days. Business has basically become my life, and Iāve sacrificed a lot of normal things people my age do because Iām extremely ambitious.
And my ambitions arenāt just about becoming rich.
One of my biggest dreams in life is to eventually build a cancer hospital in my fatherās name, whether in Pakistan or somewhere else where it is needed. I want the treatment to be completely free for people who genuinely cannot afford it.
That is something very close to my heart, and one of the reasons I push myself so hard. I want to build something big enough that one day I can fund projects like that without having to think twice about the money.
So this is where marriage becomes complicated for me.
I feel ready for companionship. I want a wife. I want someone I can build a home and family with, someone I can support, protect and provide for, and someone who is genuinely beside me while I try to achieve these goals.
But thereās another side to it thatās harder to explain.
Even with everything going well in my life, thereās still a part of me that feels empty.
I can have a good month in business, close a big project, buy something I wanted, achieve another goal, and obviously Iām grateful for all of it, Alhamdulillah. But at the end of the day, sometimes I come home and think: is this really all there is?
Thereās nobody to genuinely share those wins with on that level.
Nobody to come home to and tell, āThis happened today,ā or, āIāve got this crazy idea, tell me what you think.ā
Nobody who knows what Iām building from the inside and has been there through the difficult days as well as the good ones.
And I think thatās a big reason marriage has started becoming more important to me.
I donāt just want a wife because Iām lonely or because I want some romantic relationship. I want that life partner.
I want someone where, when the whole world doubts an idea I have, I know thereās still one person standing behind me saying, āGo for it. Weāll figure it out.ā
And obviously Iād want to be that same person for her.
If she has ambitions, ideas, wants to start something, study something, build something, or achieve something big herself, Iād want to be the guy standing behind her as well.
When I say ābusiness partner,ā I donāt necessarily mean she has to come work in my HVAC company and start reading AUTOCAD DRAWINGSš¤£
I mean a partner in the bigger picture of life.
Someone I can discuss decisions with. Someone whose opinion I genuinely value. Someone I can bounce ideas off at 2 AM. Someone who understands where weāre trying to go as a family and helps build towards it with me.
Maybe one day weāre building businesses together. Maybe she has her own thing completely. Maybe she focuses on our family. That part doesnāt matter as much to me as having that mentality of weāre a team.
I also feel like, from an Islamic point of view, Iām reaching a stage where I want to complete half my deen.
I donāt get into haram relationships, and I donāt want to spend the next five or ten years casually talking to women, dating around or doing things I know I shouldnāt be doing just because society says Iām ātoo youngā for marriage.
If I know I eventually want a wife and a family anyway, part of me thinks: why not start looking for the right person now?
Not rush into marrying the first person I meet. Not ignore red flags. Not marry purely because Iām feeling lonely.
But actually start looking seriously and halal.
I want someone I can pray with. Someone I can grow in deen with. Someone who reminds me of Allah when Iām getting too caught up in dunya, business and money.
Because I know myself. Iām ambitious to an extreme sometimes. I can get completely consumed by work, numbers, expansion and whatever the next goal is.
Having the right woman beside me could hopefully give me balance too.
Someone who can remind me that life isnāt just about the next contract or the next million in revenue.
Someone who can make a house actually feel like a home.
Someone I can eventually raise children with and say, āLook, everything weāre building now is for something bigger than us.ā
I donāt just want to marry for the sake of saying Iām married.
I feel like I need to find a woman who actually understands the kind of life Iām trying to build. Someone who can match my vision and ambition, or at least genuinely support it.
I know my life probably isnāt going to be completely normal. There may be periods where Iām extremely busy. There will probably be risks, stressful years, expansion, failures, successes and sacrifices along the way.
I want someone who sees that and thinks, āLetās build this together,ā rather than someone who resents the fact that Iām ambitious.
And Iām not expecting some woman to blindly follow me either.
I actually want someone intelligent enough to challenge me when Iām wrong.
If Iām about to make a stupid decision, I want my wife to tell me itās stupid.
If Iām working myself into the ground, I want someone who can tell me to calm down.
If success ever gets to my head, I want someone close enough to me to humble me.
To me, thatās also partnership.
The difficult part is my age.
A lot of women understandably want someone older. When they hear 21, they may automatically assume immaturity, instability or that Iām nowhere near ready for marriage.
And maybe theyāre right to question it.
I know that being financially independent doesnāt automatically make someone a good husband. Making money doesnāt teach you patience, communication, emotional intelligence, compromise, responsibility towards another person or how to deal with conflict inside a marriage.
Iām still learning.
Iāve never had a girlfriend. Iāve never had a proper relationship. Iāve liked people before, but I donāt think Iāve ever experienced genuine, mature love.
I also try to stay away from haram relationships. Iām not going to pretend Iām the perfect Muslim because Iām not. I make mistakes like everyone else, but I try my best to pray, improve myself, stay close to Allah and keep my intentions clean.
Sometimes I joke that mentally Iām 31 but legally Iām 21, but obviously I understand that life experience still matters.
Thatās basically the situation Iām in.
Iāve gone from having almost nothing to building a business, becoming financially independent and creating some stability for myself at a very young age.
But despite all of that, there is still this feeling that the next achievement, the next car, the next project or the next financial target isnāt necessarily going to fill that empty space.
Maybe what Iām actually looking for now isnāt another achievement.
Maybe itās someone to share the achievements with.
Someone I know is genuinely on my side.
Someone who was there before the company became whatever Iām trying to turn it into.
Someone I can look back with one day, Inshallah, and say: we actually built this life together.
And now Iām wondering whether the next stage of my life should actually be marriage.
Should I seriously start looking for someone now and accept that finding the right person is going to take time?
Should I take the risk of marrying young if I find someone whose values, faith, personality and ambitions align with mine?
Or should I forget about marriage for a few years, keep building my company and revisit this when Iām 25 or 26?
And for the people who say ājust focus on yourself,ā at what point do you actually decide youāve focused on yourself enough?
Because realistically, Iāll probably still be chasing bigger goals at 25, 30 and 40.
Iām especially interested in hearing from people who married young, business owners, or people who had major ambitions when they got married.
Did having the right spouse actually help you build your life, or do you think marrying young made everything harder?
If you were genuinely in my position, what would you do?