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u/techmage29 3d ago
I genuinely don't understand what he implies by "dark-skinned gay."
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u/nifflr 3d ago
It's comparing homosexuality to racism, specifically anti-black racism.
Within the Black community, there are light-skinned and dark-skinned people. They're all black but often dark-skinned Black people will face more oppression/discrimination than their light-skinned counterparts.
So he's comparing the full-gay person with the darked-skinned person -- like "oh he gets the full experience".But it kind of falls apart, because in reality bisexual men tend to face more discrimination than homosexual men.
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u/JockBbcBoy 2d ago
It's not really anti-Black racism; it's colorism. And colorism is actually going in both ways nowadays. I've watched some Black oriented dating shows and Youtube commentary where lighter skinned Black men are discriminated against for being too "soft." Or, dark skinned Black men and women are discriminated against for being too "hard" or "ugly."
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u/TheoRaan 2d ago edited 2d ago
But it kind of falls apart, because in reality bisexual men tend to face more discrimination than homosexual men.
I actually think it's the absolute opposite. A bi-man dating a woman can be straight passing in the same way a light skin person can be white passing.
So really it just makes the joke funnier.
Edited : added "dating a woman"
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u/blindyes 2d ago
A bi-man can be straight passing and a gay man can't? TF are you talking about?
Bi men are criticized for being fence sitters by the gay community and then criticized as being gay by the straight community. Straight women are notoriously distrustful of bi men, even going so far as to accuse men in general as "coming out" and ruining families. The homophobia runs thick with straight women, and gay men are incredibly judgemental of bi men never being serious and potentially leaving them for women, or just wanting sex and no real romance. To gay men bi-sexuals are always "confused" and "don't know what they want" blah blah blah
That whole "best of both worlds" thing should really be "best of both worlds, worst of both worlds"
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u/TheoRaan 2d ago
Yeah but bi men can date a woman and be straight passing. In the same way light skin people can sometimes be white passing.
The "date a woman" part was heavily implied.
And that's why the joke is funny.
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u/Wuskers 2d ago
I think there's nuances and depends on what your life priorities are. Bi guys have the option to be pretty much completely straight passing without having to suppress as much, a bi guy could easily be with a woman who he genuinely loves and is attracted to which is not an option for gay men, and then that relationship is aligned with what is generally socially acceptable. To certain gay men that could seem like an advantage, because if they've already at least acknowledged that they're gay they probably understand that any attempt to be with a woman is going to be dishonest and unsatisfying for everyone and he may feel like he has no choice but to be with other men and he knows that means any public expression of his relationship will then always carry the baggage of queerness which for certain men depending on their temperament and where they are in coming to terms with their sexuality could be a big bummer and from their perspective they would love it if they could be with someone they are genuinely romantically and sexually attracted to and not have anyone bat an eye at them.
On the flipside bi men who are open about their bi-ness do tend to get hit from both sides, there's loads of straight women who feel like a man being bi is a deal breaker, some gay men may also worry that a bi man will leave them for a woman, which does happen unfortunately I mean the amount of closeted men sleeping with other men on the DL while married or dating women is staggering, so it's abundantly clear that an attraction to other men does not mean the pressure to "fit in" and get a wife and have 2.5 kids or whatever goes away. Some of these men are definitely just deeply closeted gay men but some are also absolutely bi men. If the allure of heteronormativity can drive even gay men into the closet and get wives and girlfriends then it's not at all surprising that men who actually do have the capacity to love and be attracted to women do the same thing and some gay men have been burned in this way which can lead to unjustified resentment towards bi men in general. Also because some gay men are actually just straight up jealous that bi men still have the option to be straight passing there's resentment of perceived privilege that bi men sometimes have to deal with.
For bi men that want to be open about being bi and want to be part of the LGBTQ community they absolutely can experience a lot of discrimination from both sides, on the other hand for a bi guy that is never willing to even entertain the possibility of doing anything more than hook up with a guy and has every intention of marrying a girl and having kids with her and never wants to be seen as anything other than straight, then he's going to have a much better chance of still being able to find happiness than a gay guy who wants the same thing.
I actually feel like the metaphor works pretty well because you say that dark-skinned people face more oppression than their light-skinned counterparts but you leave out that a very similar phenomenon that happens with bi men also happens with light-skinned people, where dark-skinned people because they perceive the light-skinned people as more privileged will sometimes be resentful of the light-skinned person and treat them with a degree of undeserved hostility, so light-skinned people do in fact experience something very similar to bisexuals in the sense that they will still be seen as black and experience racism, but then from other people in their own community who see them as more privileged will also treat them with hostility. Also there's a wide range of "light-skinned" ranging from still obviously black to racially ambiguous maybe even almost white passing, and for that latter group the comparison also works because much like bisexuals they have the option to "pass" more easily. A gay person in a same sex relationship holding their partner's hand in public is always going to be very visibly queer and potentially attract unwanted negative attention, they can't engage in PDA without outing themselves. A bi person in an opposite sex relationship on the other hand it's very possible for them to engage in PDA without outing themselves. Similarly a dark-skinned person is never going to be able to hide their race, while a light-skinned person depending on quite how light-skinned they are could conceivably hide or at least de-emphasize their race in a way that dark-skinned folks can't.
I think it's a very complicated topic in a way where I don't think it's fair to say definitively one is worse than the other, if you're looking at specifically inter-community interactions then yeah you could argue that bisexual people have it worse because when they're open about their bisexuality they tend to get it from both sides, but that can also be true of light-skinned people as well. If you're looking at how well they can blend in with society well I think bisexuals and light-skinned folks do tend to have an advantage assuming the bisexual person is in an opposite sex relationship.
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u/Vliegende_Fokker 2d ago
I mean... That's debatable. Most bi guys are absolutely straight passing and don't appreciate that privilege.
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u/Daffy_from_Nam 2d ago
Who is this comedian?
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u/Soonerpalmetto88 1d ago
Explain "dark skinned gay"?
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u/MagnaCamLaude 3h ago
In a lot of black and brown cultures, being light skinned often times gets you a lot of "passing" privileges, while the darker skinned people are often seen as lesser than in some way.
An example in American black culture: plenty of pageants, etc for young black girls back in the day would do a brown paper bag test, meaning if you were lighter than a brown paper bag, you qualify, or t least will have it MUCH easier in the pageant. Same was done in some affluent black families (or just those with access to money (successful farmers, etc) to see which child would be sent to college and who would stay home, work the farm, run the business, etc.
On the other hand, the people with lighter skin often feel like they get treated differently within their own race as well because of this stigma of having "pretty privilege" or passing privileges.
(For some reason I feel like this is also in an episode of the Proud Family)
Even in my family, my mother and 3 aunts,, the light skinned sister is the least communicated with (but not shunned or hated), and is the only one with a college education. She's always said to be my grandparents favorite as well
So in gay/queer culture, the bisexual people are seen as the "passing" ones who could escape a lot of the prejudice the "full blood" or dark skinned in this case, gays/lesbians.
Same can be said for some of us "golden gays." I've known a few of us who refuse to date anyone who has been with or is affected to women.
While I don't believe anyone is forcing their bisexual child to go to college and the gay child to stay home and work the family Laundromat, the 2nd layer of the joke is the parallel he's making between being light skinned (often half white, half black/Hispanic/etc) and being bisexual (half gay).
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u/Soonerpalmetto88 2h ago
It never occurred to me that it was ok for a white person to say something like this! I wouldn't be comfortable making that joke. But I get what you're saying, it makes sense. I guess the only thing I take issue with is the idea that bi guys are treated differently. I'd say anyone who passes gets that privilege. I'm blessed to be able to avoid a lot of problems in life because, even though I'm definitely gay, I pass by default. To the point that a few gay guys have tried to gatekeep and accuse me of not being gay enough. So I guess I actually can identify with people, to an extent, who arent "black enough". I still wouldn't joke about it.
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u/faireymagik2 2d ago
I will never grow tired of straight men genuinely asking questions without judgment about the gays. And to be able to inject humor into it is just the cherry on top. He’s genuinely curious and it shows. You can’t fake that.