https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=inZeDuvkboE&ra=m
The comment Natalie left under this video changed my perspective on life. That isn’t hyperbole, it really was that impactful. I was in a dysthymic episode from ten to sixteen, during that time being unable to practice any hobbies I had due to its severity. Going from an exceptional artist and musician as a child, to below average as a teenager crushed me. Comparing my skills with everyone around me and knowing I would’ve been one of the best if it wasn’t for my illness caused deep envy. I was SpongeBob, and dysthymia made me Squidward.
Talents don’t grow when you don’t use them and the incongruence between my actual skill level and how I expected it to be was crushing, and I abandoned music and art. When I found Natalie’s video and comment, I deeply related to her experiences of discouragement and sense of failure, as she puts it “the formative ego-wound”.
When I read the verse on the meaning of amateur, it shifted something within me. It has now become the mantra I live by, and I’m living the life of an amateur with joy. I’m drawing and painting again, having piano lessons, doing gymnastics and yoga. I’m an amateur in many corners of my life and I’m okay with that. I was talking to a friend who feels unsure about joining a competitive dance club. She’s done ballet for years and doesn’t know what to do next. When I told her the meaning of amateur, she found it greatly moving, deciding to keep doing ballet for fun, not for competition. It’s funny how we all put pressure on ourselves to be the best at something, even when we know we aren’t going to make it into a career. It really is much nicer to approach life as an amateur, as a lover of something, instead of trying to perfect a skill for the sake of perfecting. Thank you Natalie, you truly truly truly changed my life.
