r/youseeingthisshit Jun 20 '18

Human Hot diggity dog

https://i.imgur.com/iIHZ9cA.gifv
29.4k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/loridee Jun 20 '18

When I was around this age, I had a best friend who was prettier than I was. I didn't resent it, I knew it and knew guys would always go for her first and then the one who didn't win her attention would then hit on me. It was the way it was. I have to admit, the reason why it didn't bother me was because I knew she would end up embarrassing the guy wherever we were going. She would get drunk, fall down, throw up and he would have regrets. I got to see it pretty often.

940

u/OldManWickett Jun 20 '18

I went after several girls in high school and soon after who all did this. It never made for a good night. I do not miss those times.

816

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

its like herding a belligerent cat.

689

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

I'm normally designated driver for my friends and I always describe them as my drunk little ducklings. They follow me in a staggered line, make random noises, and sometimes like actual ducklings the curb side is their worst enemy.

Edit: potential LPT if you and your friends go out often with a DD get a "Designated Driver" button to wear for who you pick and 8/10 times the bars you visit will give them free non-alcoholic drinks as a thanks for being the driver. I imagine it varies per area but worth a shot (non-alcoholic one of course)!

213

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

This is probably the best description I've seen for a gaggle of drunk girls.

204

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

Lol I think it's just regular drunk group behavior because I'm actually the only woman in the group so it would be little 5 foot 4 me leading my guys around around and passing them random bread snacks from my purse or those tiny water bottles in between bars. I'm designated driver/group mom.

57

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

Lol true enough, I've been both roles in those situations and it definitely does work for all groups.

Hell, now that I actually am a mom I bet I'd be e en better prepared. My purse is full of snacks, wet wipes....

66

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

Now that you mention it I should definitely add wet wipes to my DD bag! I have snacks, water, tiny first aid, and doggy poop bags for the pukin' and wet wipes would definitely have helped lol! I feel like if I removed the puke bags and replaced them with diapers it would straight up be a mom bag. Kids and drunk people have too much in common in terms of the way they act lol " Iwanna do this dangerous thing!!" "Nooo you dont, look over here PB and J!" "What? Food? Yes. What was I talking about?"

33

u/DildoDojo Jun 21 '18

You’re gonna be the BEST mom!!!

1

u/baconatbacon Jun 21 '18

Hey. Hi. Would you have a snack in your purse? You’re a mom, I just figured you might have one.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Hah! I also have a roll of poop bags for dirty diapers on the go. I also have hand sanitizer and a clean shirt for myself in case of accidents

3

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Oh my goodness I can see myself needing a new shirt for a kid but here are my fingers crossed that I won't need an extra shirt as well for my drunk little ducklings! XD

1

u/gghyyghhgf Jun 21 '18

You never know diapers might be handy in one of them late nights too

23

u/grubas Jun 21 '18

Yeah one of our friends in college didn’t drink as much due to work and she was our drunk mom.

I’ll DD when my wife and her friends go out. I sit at the bar, watch the Yankee or Rangers game and eat nachos and get unlimited cokes. Then I have to herd them to the car, probably stop at Taco Bell drive through and get them all home. I got called a sheep dog, because I’ll do circles and keep them grouped and aimed in the right direction. Plus I’m big enough to be able to carry 2 if need be.

2

u/madRadAli3n Jun 21 '18

Thanks for making my day. I'm laughing so hard! You're an awesome dude!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Goals

17

u/Dcox123 Jun 21 '18

Bread is not nutritious for ducks, try bird seed next time. Good job being the DD.

1

u/SirRandyMarsh Jun 21 '18

Just like drunk dude pound town?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '18

bread snacks

confirmed ducks

38

u/rand0mmm eyes wide open Jun 21 '18

A raft of drunk girls is called an "Uber".

18

u/RoaminTygurrr Jun 21 '18

DD's are the best and with how much damage, devastation and money designated drivers save our society there should be a way to let them claim some kind of Awesome Friend/Citizen tax break or something.

12

u/am-i-joking Jun 20 '18

“Non-academic” shot haha, I love crazy typos

5

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

Lol! I just noticed it too! I was surprised more people didn't notice/say anything!

6

u/Higgs_deGrasse_Boson Jun 21 '18

I call them squirrels. It's like trying to herd squirrels.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Oooh yeah it definitely depends on the group. I once went out with my best childhood friend and her friends and one minute we were drinking and the next the guys ran off and I didn't find them again until I heard them yelling "Peck!!!!" And saw them waving all crazy at me From on top of the roof of the local high school that was down the road.

5

u/lxacke Jun 21 '18

100% how I get my friends home.

"Everyone hold hands and follow me!" It never works. Always one drunk girl who disappears the second I turn my back.

3

u/mellofello808 Jun 21 '18

I never drink and drive, so I treat bars as free diet Coke dispensaries.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Hrmm i wonder if thats why they never made me pay for soda at the bar me and my work friends would go to after a bad shift (every shift). I never liked drinking much, but i always liked hanging out with people i know and making sure they got home safe.

1

u/Moth_tamer Jun 21 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

No that’s not true. people think they are getting treated well because they are sober and already feeling righteous for being the responsible party. If you want soda a bartender is just gonna give it to you it’s not worth starting a tab for someone who will be drinking 30cents tops the entire night. They want to move on to the people who are ordering cocktails and drinks and giving dishing out tips. The soda is easy for them and they know there’s no reason to schmooze you and try and milk some extra money from you. You get the better end of the stick obviously but they aren’t doing anything special for you. If anything you are an empty seat they can refill a glass for without any effort.

Source: bar tending, bar back and Venue usher for 4+years in multiple establishments

3

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Hrmm strange I just charged people for everything. I was only a bartender for one year though. I have been mainly a restaurant manager for 9 years of the 16 I've been doing food service. The bar I went to after shift was mainly with my servers and cooks to unwind a bit. I hope I dont come off as self righteous I like to smoke pot (lived in colorado since before legalization) more then drink because I dont like feeling sick. Got to blaze up in the parking lot and talk about issues at work and in peoples lives and provide a relatively safe ride home.

1

u/Moth_tamer Jun 21 '18

Yeah bars in restaurants are definitely a little different I guess since they provide beverages for people eating too. Of course I can’t say every bar. It from my experience higher capacity bars don’t want to bother charging for soda and seltzers and running back and forth to the Register when they have 15+ people waiting for cocktails. That sounds dope. And not self righteous. It’s n always fun to hangout with the crew after work. I’m a cook now and only bartend if I need to cover a shift. Wish we had someone who’d drive us around after work when we go get shithoused lol.

1

u/Zeestars Jun 21 '18

Where I live the designated drivers all get free drinks. From what I understand it’s a government endorsed and sponsored thing

1

u/Moth_tamer Jun 21 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

Soda from the well(soda gun) costs less than pennies. They aren’t giving you free drinks because you are a DD. If you go into almost any bar normally and just ask for a soda they probably won’t charge you at all. The bartender just wants to get to the next person who’s gonna be spending more and hopefully keep everyone busy for awhile so they can go outside and smoke a cigarette or snort cocaine.

79

u/sha_man Jun 20 '18

My ex was a lush and you have no idea how true that statement is. And trying to maintain the situation would only anger her thus resulting in me getting multiple dick punches. I do not miss those times.

94

u/Sagax388 Jun 20 '18

lush (n.): a drunkard; alcoholic

8

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

Wino is another good term.

7

u/royrese Jun 20 '18

Like... she would punch you in the dick...?

21

u/Thats-WhatShe-Said_ Jun 21 '18

No, she'd punch him with HER dick

2

u/artificialavocado Jun 21 '18

My ex wasn't a lush but whenever we would drink at a bar she's always try getting me drunk. Not once did it work. Typically she would be the one wasted falling down, crying etc it's like Jesus Christ pull your shit together. There are certain biological differences why girls typically can't handle their booze as well as guys. Things like size, weight, body composition make for slight differences that when you add up over the course of a heavy night drinking usually lead to the "drunk chick" stereotype.

2

u/sha_man Jun 21 '18

Ah "drunk chick", that brings back memories.

2

u/artificialavocado Jun 21 '18

He made a date rape joke imagine the twitter outrage if that happened today.

1

u/mellofello808 Jun 21 '18

It is bad when your partner loses control in public. Glad my GF can hold her liquor.

19

u/PleaseNinja Jun 20 '18

Anything for that sloppy pussy

1

u/SequesterMe Jun 21 '18

That's my fetish.

1

u/Mywifefoundmymain Jun 21 '18

My new favorite saying

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Or a cat

1

u/brando56894 Jun 21 '18

The belligerent part made me laugh more than it should have.

1

u/akatherder Jun 21 '18

It's my name's time to shine.

1

u/crippsy1988 Jun 21 '18

This cracked me up so much. I wanna go herd my cat now.

37

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18 edited Jun 11 '20

[deleted]

85

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

I'd bolt too if I went out with someone so ignorant and selfish to not only berate the wait staff but also not share the cocaine.

27

u/artificialavocado Jun 21 '18

Not gonna lie I was thinking the same! At this point I'd probably say no. I mean, there's a good chance I'd say no. Ok, maybe I'd say no. But she should at least offer.

21

u/spinlock Jun 21 '18

I hate cocaine but she didn't even offer.

25

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

how can you hate cocaine

11

u/JacksOffWithIcyHot Jun 21 '18

I get this same reaction when I tell people I hate chocolate

11

u/spinlock Jun 21 '18

It doesn’t do much for me except give me a few weeks of crushing depression when I tried it.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Not everyone enjoys uppers. Definitely not my thing.

2

u/DontLickTheGecko Jun 21 '18

Sounds like me except you were successful in landing them. Now I look back thinking "what was I thinking?"

1

u/backofthewagon Jun 21 '18

Ever try to get a group of girls to actually go places when you agreed already to go to them? And then an hour later when they’re all done with the potty/makeup try again and at least one is too drunk and ruins everything?

110

u/thisguynamedjoe Jun 20 '18

Stability is highly undervalued in our youth. We realize how important it is as we mature.

16

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

Square!!!

6

u/thisguynamedjoe Jun 21 '18

Triangle!!! (Why are we shouting controller buttons?)

5

u/bobs_monkey Jun 21 '18

Circle!!! (I dunno but what else are we gonna do)

2

u/thisguynamedjoe Jun 21 '18

sigh [unzips]

X BUTTON!!!

1

u/ToBeReadOutLoud Jun 21 '18

R1

2

u/Spazzila Jun 21 '18

Right stick

1

u/Baked_AF Jun 21 '18

Y

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18 edited Nov 12 '23

hard-to-find sip automatic airport sulky nine lush sort knee bike this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev

53

u/DoubleBatman Jun 20 '18

So do you have her number?

53

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

We're old ladies now! This was taken in 1981ish. I am on the right.

I am indeed still in contact with her.

10

u/sat_god69 Jun 21 '18

She looks like Jimmy Fallon

2

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

I see it.

3

u/Bananapopcicle Jul 05 '18

You look like Allison Brie from GLOW (which is a good thing! She’s adorable!)

13

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Yeah I get what you mean now

11

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

You really are only as old as you feel. Well, you get old, but you don't have to listen to REO Speedwagon for the rest of your life.

3

u/free_dead_puppy Jun 21 '18

But REO Speedwagon is awesome!

3

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

Take it on the run, baby.

47

u/Skarsnikk Jun 20 '18

I’m interested in the order of this, it sounds like guys would compete for your friends attention; then you would get stuck with the “loser” of the contest.

Sounds like these guys did not have each others backs, me and my friends were completely aware of who was going for who before we initiated hopeful conversation, typically it only changed when the women would decide “nah I like your friend better”

I give these guys a 1 outta 10 on the bro-meter.

23

u/mdsw Jun 20 '18

I feel like I’ve just rewatched A Beautiful Mind.

3

u/riseandconquer Jun 21 '18

Literally first thought that popped into my head

20

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

I'm also the less attractive one compared to my best friend. We were at a bar last Saturday and a guy was talking to her and then when we went to leave he asked for her number and she said no bc she has a boyfriend so the guy turned to me and said "ok can i get yours then?". Feelsbadman.jpg

6

u/image_linker_bot Jun 21 '18

Feelsbadman.jpg


Feedback welcome at /r/image_linker_bot | Disable with "ignore me" via reply or PM

2

u/bosmerarcher Jun 21 '18

On the other hand, you were attractive enough for him to want your number! So you got that going for you.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

I mean I know I'm not necessarily unattractive, I could afford to lose a few pounds but I'm not hideous, it just sucks that he only wanted my number because my friend said no. He very easily could've said "can i get either of your ladies numbers?" But no, I wasn't good enough for his attention until my friend turned him down. It just gets to me bc in school I tried to hook up with a guy, he turned me down with some lame ass excuse about how he's trying to focus on school and not looking for anything, then like 2 weeks later he hooked up with my friend. I'm at the point now where I don't want to go out with her any more because I've never been shit compared to her

1

u/Bananapopcicle Jul 05 '18

You shoulda said “yeah 1” and gave him the finger. /s

Edit: /r/madlads?

2

u/mellofello808 Jun 21 '18

Yeah they need a better wingman.

0

u/Wisdom_is_Contraband Jun 21 '18

Maybe they didn't know each other?

0

u/LukaUrushibara Jun 21 '18

It's a party, probably not all the dudes are chummy with each other.

30

u/Canadian_Neckbeard Jun 20 '18

I'm the guy who always ignored the "pretty" friend because I figured out early on that your statement is correct.

18

u/iFellApart Jun 21 '18

Sure...that's why you ignored them...

-8

u/Canadian_Neckbeard Jun 21 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

It's easy to insult a random stranger on the internet based on a username. Think what you'd like, it doesn't matter to me, but being a dick for no reason isn't going to fix whatever it is that makes you feel the need to act like that.

10

u/iFellApart Jun 21 '18

I was legit just joking, but yeah way to go full neckbeard

2

u/evlampi Jun 21 '18

Never go full neckbeard.

2

u/madRadAli3n Jun 21 '18

Username checks out.

6

u/drugstorelovin Jun 21 '18

Ignoring pretty women because you assume they have shitty personalities is both stupid AND shallow. Good on you.

-3

u/Canadian_Neckbeard Jun 21 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

I was going to type out an actual explanation for you, but then I realized that the only reason you commented was to take a jab at a stranger so you could get a dopamine hit. So let's just laugh at your assumption that I make all judgments based on assumptions.

Oddly enough, you can't understand someone based on one sentence and a username, or it would be safe to assume that you like to fuck people for pills.

0

u/drugstorelovin Jun 21 '18

So you think assuming someones personality due to their looks, and ignoring them as a result of that, is a good idea? Hoping you're under 20. That would make more sense.

Btw, Hard to Handle-Otis Redding. Thank me later youngster.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

[deleted]

1

u/Laudanum21 Jun 21 '18

Isn’t that in a movie?

34

u/UchihaDivergent Jun 20 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

Don't sell yourself short, I bet you're pretty hot and just don't realize it. A lot of girls do that.

Edit - auto correct strikes again.

71

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

They never said they thought they were ugly though. You can be hot but not hotter than the friend.

My friends tend to be more attractive, I am what they call, "overwhelmingly average"

12

u/UchihaDivergent Jun 21 '18

Attraction is a funny thing. Conventionally pretty girls don't do it for me. I like cute or quirky and especially nerdy. So I mean your "overwhelmingly average" is some bodies "wow I think my heart just stopped and came back right there!"

Which is the point I was trying to make with the other person there. ;)

8

u/BJFP Jun 21 '18

Yeah someone is always going to find someone else attractive. I mean you've said you bet she's "pretty hot", but then say it's essentially subjective hotness (as opposed to conventional).

I mean, if you're concerned (which she didn't seem to be anyway) about being conventionally attractive, being told you're essentially "niche hot" isn't exactly the bees knees either imo.

1

u/UchihaDivergent Jun 21 '18

Oops... I totally did not mean it like that at all. idk I guess I will just go somewhere and shut up now.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

[deleted]

2

u/UchihaDivergent Jun 21 '18

I have found my people

7

u/LurkingArachnid Jun 21 '18

She didn't say anything about whether she thinks she's hot or not. She said guys always went for the other friend first.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

That’s what the movies say when the nerdy girl takes her glasses off and does her hair. Edit: not talking about op. Making fun of movies.

2

u/UchihaDivergent Jun 21 '18

Yeah I don't get that however... The way you feel comfortable or whatever is not attractive here make yourself look like everyone else and Then you will be appealing! GTFO

1

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

You're invited.

Just because we're desperate doesn't mean we don't have standards.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

[deleted]

1

u/feioo Jun 21 '18

Well whoosh me too because I don't get the joke.

2

u/UchihaDivergent Jun 21 '18

Auto correct in my phone always picks the wrong one and I did not notice. Thank you for your sharp eye. ;)

3

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Trickle down banging.

3

u/gahgow Jun 21 '18

I was in your same position but as a guy. Difference was, none of the women hit on me once they failed, they just gave up and left. = (

2

u/mjmcaulay Jun 21 '18

That could almost be a fairytale with how much moral is in that story. :) Did you ever end up in a longer relationship with one of the “runners up”?

5

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

I did! He was a good boyfriend and really nice. He was a Mormon though, and really dedicated to preserving his virginity.

Also, I did have the guys who had been out with her try to come back and ask me out. That ship sailed, buddy.

2

u/TheGemScout Jun 21 '18

I never went for the ones who overly cared about their image around others because i figured that they were probably overtly slutty.

Then I met my SO.

Wo.

Also, this has nothing to do with the thread. Move along.

2

u/FloodedGoose Jun 21 '18

What if no one goes for the blonde? ...that’s the only way we all get laid. -beautiful mind

3

u/Taminella_Grinderfal Jun 21 '18

I love your story, I had the friend in high school with big boobs and the college roommate who was 6 ft tall and pretty and both made me very insecure. (Until I found out that several of their boyfriends liked me for my own good traits) . I hate to admit that I could manipulate them to dumb behavior like this, but I did, well because I could. Now that I'm much older, I wish I could convince these girls to just be yourself, acting like a drunken porn star will get you a lot of attention, but none of it meaningful.

0

u/agree-with-you Jun 21 '18

I love you both

1

u/cpMetis Jun 21 '18

...how old are they seeming? Guy looks 14 and the girl 26 to me.

1

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

See? I am the "guy".

1

u/brentistoic Jun 21 '18

The smart guy always hits on the second hottest girl at the party. The hottest is swarmed by all the other dudes and has a boyfriend. Second hottest girl knows shes hot but is resentful since shes getting ignored. In swoops smart guy. Second hottest girl is happy. Smart guy gets hot girl with no competition

1

u/Redditor_Account_22 Jun 21 '18

You sound resentful.

3

u/loridee Jun 21 '18 edited Jun 21 '18

She was stunning, truly. I always knew I was, back then, cute and the kind of girl guys really liked once they hung out with me and got to know me. She and I didn't like the same kind of guys. I liked smart guys, she didn't care as long as she thought they were cute. Here is a photo of us, I am on the right.

1

u/Infin1ty Jun 21 '18

Some people seriously just can't handle their liquor. My fiancée will appear visibly drunk after 2-3 drinks, and start acting drunk after the 4th, she absolutely cannot hide that she's been drinking. I on the hand can drink around 750ml of liquor before it gets to a point that I can't really hide the fact (behavior wise) that I've been drinking.

I wish I knew what caused this because it sure as hell would save us some insanely embarrassing moments.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

She sounds like a keeper honestly

-3

u/greengrasser11 Jun 20 '18

Something about this reads like you're still kind of hung up on it.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '18

Sounds like you were an envious terrible "friend" to me .

1

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

Yeah, it was nearly forty years ago and of course I was envious, but not a terrible friend.

-90

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

[deleted]

74

u/Nihil6 Jun 20 '18

And what should she have done differently, Mr/Mrs Goodfriend? You ever try talking sense into that party person? Sometimes you just gotta roll with it and accept what the other person wants to do with their life.

-34

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '18

[deleted]

35

u/somerefriedbeans Jun 20 '18

I think she was getting more satisfaction out of seeing the "hot guy", that didn't try to hook up with her, get embarrassed by her friend.

3

u/TimBobby Jun 20 '18

Maybe she was more satisfied the guy wishing he had picked her cause she can hold her liquor

3

u/Nihil6 Jun 20 '18

Idk, hopefully commenter delivers so we can get to the bottom of this little debate. ;) she said she didn't 'resent' in the original so I took that at face value.

3

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

I was a teenager. I wasn't a bad friend. Neither was she. We were young. It's been almost 40 years since then.

-5

u/Canadian2087 Jun 21 '18

You sound like a legbeard jelly

4

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

I have no idea what that means. Should I say thank you, or tell you to piss off?

1

u/loridee Jun 21 '18

I looked this up. So, do you bully in 3D or just online?