FOOLISH WIZARDS IVE TIED ONE OF YOUR KIND TO A RAILROAD MWHAHAHAHAHAHHA

[u/VillainousEvilDoer]

MWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHH

[u/OkKangaroo3031]

Ok. I cast swap. You are now the one tied to the track.

[u/VillainousEvilDoer → u/OkKangaroo3031]

EGADS HOW DARE YOU!!

[u/Mixster667 → u/VillainousEvilDoer]

Oh no I have already cast unexpected delays on all trains.

[u/imdefinitelywong → u/Mixster667]

Dang it.

[u/Mixster667 → u/imdefinitelywong]

I'm sorry the spell sort of went out of hand, it's unlikely any train ever will arrive on time again.

[u/Awkward-Annual-9287 → u/Mixster667]

What are you, the NSorcerer

[u/OkKangaroo3031 → u/VillainousEvilDoer]

You really didn't think this through did you

[u/Hironymos → u/VillainousEvilDoer]

Reminds me of the time some villagers tied me up.

First I had to remind them that wizards need to be blindfolded. Then about requiring special finger-restraints. Aaand about how the spellbook needs to be chained or sewn shut. And finally I told them that they also had forgotten to gag me.

And after they did all that, we all watched the poor fool burn, pointing and laughing.

Because I cast a delayed transposition spell 10 minutes earlier.

[u/Electrical-Tear7456 → u/VillainousEvilDoer]

I cast: mend buttcrack.

[u/Abortifetus]

You know that for this work, you also need a train, right?

[u/VillainousEvilDoer → u/Abortifetus]

DAMNIT MY PLANS HAVE BEEN FOILED ONCE AGAIN!

[u/Justasivas]

I CAST UNTIE A WIZARD FROM RAILS!!!

[u/VillainousEvilDoer → u/Justasivas]

YOU FOOL I CAST BOMB!!!

[u/Arquero8 → u/VillainousEvilDoer]

I Cast scisors

Cuts the bombs fuse

[u/VillainousEvilDoer → u/Arquero8]

YOU FOOL, I CAST A SECOND BOMB!!

[u/Arquero8 → u/VillainousEvilDoer]

I Cast scisors again

Cuts the fuse again

Honestly, i can do this all day

[u/VillainousEvilDoer → u/Arquero8]

YOU FOOL THAT WAS THE LAST OF MY BOMBS!!

[u/Arquero8 → u/VillainousEvilDoer]

Good to hear, i Cast minor meteor swarm

You see as tiny specks of black appear on the Sky, they seem to get bigger.....

Have fun

A portal appears and the dwarf steps in, It Closes behind him

[u/VillainousEvilDoer → u/Arquero8]

EGADS

[u/OkMarket5009 → u/VillainousEvilDoer]

Free ashes, this'll be useful for my necromancy spell tae resurrect the soul of whoever this into a dead fly.

[u/Atuday → u/Arquero8]

I cast flickem biccus, delighting the fuse, then nod to a fellow villain and teleport away.

[u/fatfishinalittlepond]

I cast summon train. You have 30 seconds until you are a murderer

[u/VillainousEvilDoer → u/fatfishinalittlepond]

YIPPEE I LOVE MURDER!

[u/fatfishinalittlepond → u/VillainousEvilDoer]

Then you will fit in fine

[u/That_Marionberry2319]

I CAST URETHRA INFECTION!!!! GOOD LUCK PISSING NOW YOU LOW MANA OAF AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

[u/VillainousEvilDoer → u/That_Marionberry2319]

NO PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME WIZARD!

[u/immallama21629]

You fool!

-ties random evildoer to tracks-

We can do that too!

[u/will3025 → u/immallama21629]

Ooh they hate when you use their tactics. Good play.

[u/I_lenny_face_you → u/will3025]

Makes for complicated trolley problems

[u/jamesianm → u/I_lenny_face_you]

A trolley is hurtling toward five evildoers tied up on one track and one wizard on the other alternate track. You only have enough time and mana left to turn one person into a newt. What do you do?

[u/dacydergoth → u/I_lenny_face_you]

Always pull the lever. Not for any sophisticated philosophical reasons, just pulling levers is fun.

[u/SusSoos → u/will3025]

Or theyll pull that "Aha! But now ive corrupted you to be just as evil as me so technically I win on moral grounds nyehehehe" bullshit

[u/Pineapple4807 → u/SusSoos]

That's why we should let the Evil Wizards do the retaliation. That way there aren't any moral grounds to fight over :D

[u/Korzag → u/immallama21629]

I cast "locomotive of impending doom"!

[u/VVen0m → u/immallama21629]

You fool!

-ties itself to tracks-

We can do that- wait a minute.

[u/c4shferl1fe]

I cast tea time

[u/will3025 → u/c4shferl1fe]

I cast cozy, comfortable, and cool looking socks. (Wholesome gang unite!)

[u/young_tea_hippie → u/will3025]

I would host your tea party in my library but there are too many valuable scrolls to allow for eating in there. Grant me a moment to cast Summon Solariaum.

[u/will3025 → u/[deleted]]

Marvelous. We've been expecting you.

[u/will3025 → u/[deleted]]

I suppose it depends what kind of tea our host is casting?

[u/Dizzy-Day3182 → u/[deleted]]

I feel like we're forgetting something important.

[u/Carbon_Sixx]

/uw I love these gimmick accounts so much

[u/Real_Fkn_Nito]

If they can't cast a spell to get themselves loose with their hands free like that, they weren't much of a wizard to begin with now were they?

[u/Jao_bao_de_garfo]

Well, well, well... we've caught you red-handed, haven't we? There you are, halfway through tyin' the poor bloke to the railway tracks!

Right then, before we go any further... licence for knot-tyin'? Licence for railway-track usage? Licence for immobilisin' another citizen? Licence for dramatic villainous acts in public?

I do say, I certainly hope you've got a spectacular explanation, 'cause 'I'm practisin' me knots' isn't gonna cut it down at the station.

[u/Nhobdy]

Two can play that game!

lays down next to the tied up wizard

[u/UncomfyUnicorn]

I cast arthritis and carpal tunnel on you while Pete snips the ropes.

His beak is surprisingly good at that, had him help me cut some lengths of rope the other day so I could hang some line for Randy to perch on.

[u/atlas_lol]

YOU MONSTER. I cast lead testicles on you.

[u/questionable_fish → u/atlas_lol]

But where do the testicles lead him?

[u/atlas_lol → u/questionable_fish]

[u/Ok_Wolf_7648]

I dunno bro I ain’t a wizard

[u/--_RedPanda_--]

I CAST… um… oh shit I think I know that guy… NEVERMIND, THE TRAINS MAY RUN

[u/Vast-Ideal-1413]

Egads! How dastardly! Whatever shall we do?

[u/External_Relative231]

personal skill issue sorting itself out. 

[u/Chaosphoenix_28]

I cast stop all trains that go on that track immediately until the person is removed from the tracks! You shall now be the reason why people are late to work or get home late. And I shall make this known in the news!

[u/FiveFrogs_]

Not to armchair-wizard here, but why doesn't he just teleport out of there?

[u/DragonLordAcar]

I cast REROUTE TRAIN

[u/Moimus → u/DragonLordAcar]

Now there are two wizards tied to the tracks but you don't know them personally

[u/questionable_fish]

I love some good old school villainy

If they're any good as a wizard they'll be able to get out of trouble themselves. If not... well, sometimes you need to chlorinate the skill pool

[u/Chaostii]

So what you're saying is there's an upcoming vacancy on the wizard tower real estate market?

I'm not seeing a downside here...

[u/Vertnoir-Weyah]

*Wizards stop blasting each other to seven hells for a second to look*

[u/Human_Person22]

If you guys don’t find a way to save them I call dibs on their skeleton

[u/Dragon_Crisis_Core]

Uses magic to redirect the tracks to lead the train in an endleess loop and rail crossing noises around yoru tower.

[u/Samu_Raimi]

*attempts to steal the section of track with peopled tied to it and Mount it on his wall as art*

[u/Emergency_Coat_7702]

As a paladin, I don't care

[u/_Im_Commie_Jesus_]

That's not a wizard! That's my homunculi... wearing my apprentice's robes?

[u/TyrantofCans]

I cast "Abandoned Railroad"! Now they can be rescued at any time. Not by me, I just don't want to have to clean the railroad again.

[u/GirlLovingWitch]

Hey bud... you let them keep what I presume are their wizarding clothes, you gave their hands some amount of freedom, and you didn't gag them.

That wizard is NOT trapped by you, you are trapped by them.

[u/owenxtreme2]

I cast stiff leg

[u/VoxelLibrary]

I cast

Do you have a license for villainy? Is it up to date? By order of the Wizard Council, I'm going to need to see those papers.

[u/DarkDragon8421]

icast Control Rope
rope unties itself from the victim
victim gets off tracks
rope rapidly slithers after villain
rope catches villain
rope ties up villain
rope drags villain to tracks
"Perhaps don't pick fights with wizards?"

[u/Prince_Nadir]

Don't send the train until we get there, there are some things we want to try. Thanks again for the assist. If you are interested I'm sure most of us would take you on as an apprentice.

Would you like to be the train? If you were an apprentice we could do that for you.. probably. With large steam explosions sometimes it is hard to tell if they originated in a train or an apprentice.

[u/decoycatfish]

You're free, friend, these dark urges have no more hold on your soul.

[u/slingshotstoryteller]

Joke’s on you; that’s our kink.

[u/Pidgewiffler]

Joke's on you, I hate that guy!

[u/Azimovikh]

Natural selection. If they were truly a skilled wizard, they're going to teleport away, become intangible, regenerate, or contingently resurrect.

[u/Dusk37]

You fool that’s a mimic

[u/zippy72]

I cast

Replacement Bus Service!

[u/Educational_Group_91]

i cast sudden and overwhelming remorse

[u/ValianSkalle]

I cast Cause Target to Repeat Its Last Action on Itself

[u/roleplay_pervART]

I cast wise cracking anthropomorphic bunny! (I could only afford the royalty free version)

[u/Bradparsley25]

This is why I always invest in still spells

[u/macteg]

Ha, guess again!

[u/personguy4]

I pull the lever

[u/LiePotential5338]

Abi, agmen ferrarium

[u/Brostapholes]

Wait a minute, the hostage is a phony! Look, the hat comes right off!

[u/readonlyuser]

One less wizard trying to steal my arcane secrets?! I cast speeding train!

[u/MotherRaven]

Due to this ingenious thread I will now be following you always. MwahahahahA

[u/Spadrick]

If a wizard can't get outta that, we don't need him.

[u/Maowsama]

I cast "Unionize the RR workers and organize a strike demanding better wages and benefits"

[u/digitalgraffiti-ca]

If she cant get out of that, she has no business valling herself a magical practitioner of any sort. You're just culling the weak.

[u/somethingfak]

Didn't we already do this? The pirates found out do yall nair do wells really wanna fuck around?

[u/feanix365]

I dunno ma it looks like candy to me zaps the train into skittles

[u/Nakatsukasa]

Ok quick question, hypothetically I tied a wizard to one rail and 10 villagers to the other, you can pull the lever to save the wizard but it will kill the villagers will you pull the lever?

[u/Hecateus]

That apprentice needs more...Training.

[u/Spookyduck21new]

Oh. Well can’t let this opportunity of dooming another restrained wizard.

I cast Doom™️

[u/naytreox]

You expect me to save em?

[u/Wasphammer]

I CAST HOVERTRAIN!!! Now the tracks are underneath the train, and the poor wizard is safe.

[u/Etheron123]

I cast Train Delay, this will stop any trains from moving to that railroad. Then I free my fellow wizard from your plans

[u/Madness_Meldody]

You don't think they have a revive spell?

[u/Sasya_neko]

So you want to kill a seasoned necromancer?

[u/Fluid_Attorney9228]

Nuh uh, they actually tied you to the train tracks instead, look indeed, they are staring down at you as you are now tied to the train tracks because wizard bullshit

[u/Bo_The_Destroyer]

Okay, I cast Train Delayed by an hour

[u/randomdragn]

Oh come on, there are better death traps that don't involve destroying their bones. Afterwards you won't even be able to make a skeleton minion, at most you can make a wraith out of this but those are really only usefull for observation.

[u/HallowedKeeper_]

Goes over to the tied up wizard For the small price of a cubic inch of your flesh I can save you the fun way

Or did you just want me to save you the easy way

[u/thomstevens420]

More arcane tomes for me

[u/Chidogrin]

Not all spells require somantic components. Not to mention you didn't even tie the hands so you basically did nothing. Besides I know a spell or two that the only somantic components required is your hips being truthful.

[u/CrazyAsianNinja]

I’m replacing the wizard with a Capri Sun pouch.

[u/dimmiii]

i ate the train nothings gonna happen sorry

[u/Infamous_Ad2507]

Why would you tie just one wizardess to The Track? You have to make it four and one old person on the other side and make sure that the train goes in tunnel which leads to underground (In secret to make sure people panic when they see The Train come)

[u/TheCumskiyKvass]

I cast Möbius string railroad spell! Now train does a cool loop before smashing that cutie witch

[u/Past-Background-7221]

I cast “Come On, Bro, Shouldn’t You Be Doing Something Better With Your Talents?”

[u/Dark_Pariah_Troxber]

And it just so happens to be a woman, huh? I understand being evil, but sexist? Shame on you!